The last day of the year. Wow. My last day at work for 2003 was yesterday and i certainly went out with a bang. I was carrying a bag out of my manager's office which is right next to the reception desk. Actually, it was 2 bags and 2 additional boxes of stuff which I was going to purchase.

I dropped one bag, or so I thought, but one handle loop was still on my finger. Since I thought I dropped it I tried to step around where I thought it had fallen. Since I did not fully drop it, it sort of dragged with me and I tripped over it which sent me careening toward the desk. I saw the sharpest desk corner litterally an inch from my eyes. There were, of course, several people around to witness this. I am fine having just broken two nails and skinned my knee a little. I thought my back might be a little sore today, but really, I am fine.

Let's hope that marks the beginning of a clodzilla free year!

Tonight we will take the boy to Dave & Buster's and we will leave there by 10 to come home and see the ball drop on TV. Since I am starting the year by working 10-7 tomorrow, that is whoopdedoo enough for me.

Happy New Year!!

Yesterday was the last Texans home football game, so also it was the last time we will have our nephew for the day fo rthis season. I just realized how it might be better next season when he is a year older and that is not to say this season was bad, just that next will be better. Then I also realized he will have an infant sibling with him next eason so I am not so sure it will be better...

After he left yesterday, E decided we should go out and do something. We had a fun night out Saturday night going to see "A Christmas Carol" at the Alley so it was a sort of let's extend the holidays sort of idea. Normally we would be home watching Alias but last night it was not on.

We decided to go down to the Montrose location of Slick Willies. We usually go there quite often and have not been in a couple of months. We had heard they were doing a remodel and were surprised to see this had been done. It is a cleaner look than what they had with memorabilia everywhere. The walls are basically bare now though it could be the remodel is not complete. I think we were there about an hour and a half and in that time, after having had a few chicken nuggets at the mall several hours before, I proceeded to drink six, maybe sven beers. After the fifth one I began to feel the buzz slightly and we were having fun regardless. As we drank the last beer, the last of our 18 songs on the jukebox was over and it was time to get soem food.

We took the easy answer of going across the street to MoMong for Vietnamese. That is another place we frequent but had not been to in months. We had the crab claws and then tried the Mushu chicken and also had a beef dish.

Today it is basically work back to normal after the holidays and 4 days off. I have been thinking lately of saying screw healthcare and working just part time. If I do not have many appointments today, I will be thinking about it a lot more.

I was feeling like a slacker for having not taken the time to blog the past few days, but after reading my daily reads today I see it is a pretty even split, so I have no hangover drama surrounding it.

I worked through 5 pm on xmas eve and then went to my father-in-law's house to make dinner. We had mashed yellow potatoes, green beans, grilled toast, and grilled pork tenderloin. It was absolutely divine. Left there around 99 pm and came home with the boy to open presents. We really had a nice night of it. I got some plants to grow from seeds and bulbs, hopefully I will not be killing them. There is an Amaryllis kit and a Sunflower kit. E bought aa Kodak digital camera for the entire family to use, so now I really need to find out how to post photos to a blog.

I got some new cds, some I ordered myself a few weeks ago, some E got me, and 2 I picked up today at Soundwaves. The ones I got today are the newest from my man Sting, "Sacred Love", and a dvd from Sheryl Crow, "C'mon America 2003".

From E are Linda Ronstadt "'round midnight" which is a 2 cd collection of standards with Nelson Riddle and his orchestra. Also, Celia Cruz "mi vida es cantar", still can't catch more than a word or two, but I really dig the latin sound. Then there is Diana Krall "When I look in your eyes", "The Julia Fordham Collection", Joan Armatrading "Greatest Hits", and kd lang "Shadowland".

A few weeks ago I ordered "Vision of Peace: The art of Ravi Shankar", "The very best of Cesaria Evora". "Shirley Bassey Greatest Hits", "Retrospective: The best of Suzanne Vega", and Pure Funk, an as-seen-on tv compilation.

What does one listen to first?

I also got a B and N gift card from my bestest as well as various other gifts from various sources. My mind is just not on the right path to remember it all at the moment.

Tuesday morning. Ugh.

I suppose that is overstating it just a little. I am just not feeling like going to work today or tomorrow. It is time to begin enjoying the holiday season now! But I have yet to earn the benefit of sick days, but holiday or not, I would certainly use one today if I had one to use.

Of course, I will see Paul today at work, so that is a perk, but I am just...not...feeling...like it.


I also do not feel like going to Papu's house tomorrow night to cook dinner. I did, however, commit to doing this and I will be going, but I told E I would be leaving by 9 so we decided to take two cars. Just in case she wants to stay. I would rather she come home with me at 9, and that might happen. We will have to just wait and see. It is sometimes a challenge to not judge others, I am discovering.

My dad got his gift which likely means my mom did too. I was chatting with her the other daY\y and told her it was coming and she said, "Oh, sorry you went to the trouble." Likely that is depression from the death of my uncle 2 weeks ago as it is his home she is staying in at the moment, helping my aunt. She then said that 'they' should just "turn the m in Christmas upside down." I did not want to dive into any sort of philosophical discussion with her, so I just said ok. It really was rather an exhausting conversation.

My women's group met last Saturday, and that seemed to go well. I volunteered to get that up and running as a yahoo group to make it easier for everyone, and there was unanimous support of that. I came home and got it going rather easily and I also took the time to clean out the various lists I run and also to unsub from many that no longer interest me. It was rather an impulsive moment, but it felt good and perhaps it is a kick off to other purging to come. Like the wardrobe purge. But certainlt not the book purge. I just do not see that happening.

I think my shopping is done. I have one more trip to the post office to get my youngest son's package in the mail, and then I can enjoy the holiday. Of course the enjoyment is relative because excepting Saturday, I am working each day until xmas.

On Saturday my women's group meets from 10-1230. After that it will likely be family type stuff...sounds like more work to me!

E's brother is coming to town tonight to spend a few days with dear old dad. As a surprise to Dad, he is bringing the kids who are I think 11 and 8. I think dear old Papu might be more disappointed than surprised. The kids put a bit of a damper on the merrimaking that was on his agenda. I am certain, however, that it will still be a fun time.

After working until 9 this evening, I am scooting over to Papu's house to set up a tree to add to his surprise while he is at the airport picking up his son. E is going to go to the airport too, though he is unaware, because someone has to pick up the kids as Papu has a 2 seater truck. There will be merrimaking until the wee hours I am sure. Of course, I will have my car, E will have hers, so I can leave if I am ready to sooner than she.

Last night I picked up some tools for her, a ratcheted driver with sockets and driver tips, 69 pieces in all, and a multi-tool pliers. I also got a small gift for Hitaji, rounding out my list. The only shopping yet to be done is for les chiens, and their feelings will not be at all hurt if it does not get done until 12/26.

I think Sawyer is getting a new collar and leash, and Nola maybe a new bed and blanket to see if I can get her out of ours. I hold no expectations around that, but maybe... I will also get them some new booda bones and some puppy treats. The treats will come from Three Dog Bakery and I hope to pick them up on Saturday after my group.

Fa la la la laa la la laaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

I got all my hair cut off yesterday...wooooooooohooooooooooooo...

It has been short for most of my life, but ervery once in a while i get a most excellent super-short haircut and I am reminded how it should be. It is rather pixie-like and, umm...well...short!

Snap your fingers...it's that long.

I have been looking here and there for a flight for my son to come for xmas, but have yet to find one cheap enough. There is one for $245 which I can afford, but it has him returning to his dad's on nye at 10:45 and that would be rather mean on my part. I feel like I need to look deeper and see what the real reason is that I remain uninspired to buy him a ticket. Might connect to having to deal with the pimp-daddy wannabe mentality he has lurking beneath his surface. I just do not know.

Tomorrow is my last available day for shopping. I did some tonight at JCP and got E some more socks and panties that she likes, and I can of course still hit other stores at the mall on my lunches on my remaining work days before the holiday. Like the Godiva store, Origins, Sephora, Williams Sonoma...oh wait, those are all stores for me... I think I will pick up a multi tool plier knife thing we have as well as a ratcheting screw driver set...totally dyke gifts, available at your local JC Penney.

Not much else going on. Baked a fabulous cream cheese pound cake and might make another one tomorrow. Also cookie baking is on the agenda. And shopping, and the post office.

Tis the season to go shopping...

We went to a new place for lunch today, or at least new to us. I think it has been open less than a year, though. Annabelle's Diner is somewhere we will likely frequent for a while to come. We started with the spinach dip which was served with pita chips lightly fried in olive oil then dusted with parmesan. OMG!!! They were outstanding and the dip was rich and creamy. I cannot wait to go back there and have that again.

E had the corn clam chowder and it was served in a hollowed out bread bowl. Very good. I decided to try a different soup and had the crawfish bisque. Again, very good, rich, creamy...and the crawfish were nicely tender, not at all overdone.

Of course, our eyes were bigger than our stomachs and we ordered a pizza to split. It was a moderate size, either small, for two, or decent sized for one. We got shrimp and roasted garlic with fresh basil and cheese with a white cream sauce rather than the other choice of tomato sauce. We each had a small piece and it is sitting in a to-go box in the freezer.

Everything was delish and we will be going back again, and again. I have not been inspired to do a review for EP for a while, and I think one of Annabelle's will pretty much write itself.

After lunch, we went to Ikea to walk off the food and get the next piece of our closet room, another double Pax wardrobe unit. I think the next piece will be a single, or if we decide we need the room, maybe another double that we will el around the corner of the room. Then we will get the doors too, but we need to decide if we need more hanging space or not first. I think we will get the wardrobe put together tomorrow.

We also bought a sideboard table which we decided to use on our open pantry wall rather than building it out with base cabinets. I think it was a good decision, and I will post a pic of the finished pantry if I ever figure out how to do that here. The sideboard took a little bit of time to put together, interrupted by e having to go pick up her son, so that is why the wardrobe is waiting until tomorrow.

I finally brought the boxes of ornaments in from the garage today. One box has been gone through and is actually mostly on the tree. there are three more tubs, maybe 4, which would mean one tub is MIA, still out in the garage somewhere. I will know more once I get the rest unpacked...tomorrow.

Tomorrow's to-do list is growing...

I was up until after three a.m. Not really a problem as I have the day off today. When I woke up this morning, I looked over at the clock nd it read 12:47. I thought it was odd that I actually slept til after noon, but then I saw that the clock was flashing, indicating that the power had gone out. It was actually some time before ten.

I have to pick up some movie passes today at four, and I think I am also going to go do some shopping down in the Rice University Village shops. There is an awesome bead store there, and I have a few necklaces I want to restring, so that is one of the stops I will make to see what they might have to supplement the beads I will be redoing.

There is also a small store, a house actually, called The Blue Hand. It is an eclectic mix of gift items imported from around the world. There are a lot of artist items, jewelry, gauzy clothing, folk art, tribal stuff...you get the picture. I have been there only once before and I got a string and bead necklace, very delicate, for $4.95. Now you know why I am anxious to return.

Also in this shopping area there is a 10,000 Villages store. "Ten Thousand Villages provides vital, fair income to Third World people by marketing their handicrafts and telling their stories in North America." Go to their website to see if you have a store near you. The stores are staffed mostly by volunteers and there are often appearances in-store by touring artists. Most of the artisans are women and the prices are pretty reasonable.

If there is still time, I will also browse the Half Price Books location in the village as a girl can never have too many books!!

As I awoke this morning, I was having the most bizarre of dreams. The dogs were barking to be let out and I thought my girlfriend had already left so i was fighting the dream, where I wanted to remain, because I knew that if the dogs were so excited to be making so much noise, then either someone was at the door or someone had to pee. When I realized my girlfriend was still home, it was rather disorienting and the dream was pulling me back to bed.

The dream:

I was standing at the base of a huge hill looking up at a mansion-like house. There was no perceivable way to get to or inside the house. Then, Lauren Hutton appeared and told me that she would show me the way and that I need only to trust my instincts and all would be okay.

She took me through a doorway in the side of the hill and we were immediately in the dark underground. There were snakes, worms, and a myriad of other icky crawlie things.

My reluctance was more than apparent and Lauren repeated her earlier words. "Trust your instincts and all will be okay." She then beckoned me to follow her.

I followed her and all was fine as I went through a doorway without incident. The second door led to a glassed off acquarium style wall. Through the glass I could see huge loooooong eels everywhere through the weeds and dark murky water. There was a portal to dive into and once again i was hesitant.

Once again I heard the same soothing reminder from Lauren, "Trust your instincts and all will be okay." Once again I followed taking a deep breath and divng in.

When I came out of the water, I was coming out of a clean pool inside of the house. Italian marble tile and columns reaching to the ceiling. It was a marvelous exquisite place. Lauren was on a poolside chaise in a long white billowy goddess-style dress.

The dogs were still barking as I got up to let them out.

I was recounting this dream to a coworker today and she was telling me that snakes, in dreams, symbolize death. I found that curious as I had heard right before bed about my uncle's passing and wonder if the connection is to him or to another, perhaps impending death.

I found out last night that my uncle passed Sunday morning. He has had lymphoma diagnosed more than a year, and after a stem cell transplant that ha could not have, the docs estimated he might live til Thanksgiving. My mom is with my aunt as she has been there to help out for most of the past year or so as my aunt had a lung transplant in August of 2002.

It is all an interesting dynamic. She and my dad are both so much happier apart, yet I am fairly certain there will be no divorce. I imagine she might stay to help my aunt through her grief and also help her maintain for more of her own recovery.

Funeral is Thursday, cremation to follow.

I was going to blog this morning but blogger was not available. Of course, I have no idea now what I had to say, other than it was something totally necessary and relevant.

And now it is another time.

Laundry time...

I went to the premiere lesbian social event of the season last night and had a thoroughly enjoyable time. There was a group of four I was officially with and another who sort of joined us who was someone new to me, but the others knew her. I drove so had just a few beers which facilitated having to get up this morning.

The party was at Carol's house. Her house is totally amazing. It is huge, considering she is just one person, certainly enough room for the 300 or so lesbians in attendance to mingle. There is a large foyer where the admission system was set up, and to the left of the entry is a library alcove with a polished marble floor where the tree was set up. Up the stairs to the left was a pool table with a balcony that overlooks the merry making. Out back is a rather large deck where the bar was set up, and off the kitchen is a breakfast nook which housed the buffet of heavy hors d'oeuvres.

Carol does a weekly email newsletter of social events, and that she puts this party on each year, giving her time, and especially her home, is just a genuine gift to the community. The admission is also a fundraiser for a community charity, this year benefitting the Montrose Clinic and Counseling Center.

I saw at least a dozen women I am acquainted with by name, and a few more I know to see around. It was a nice occaision to get to know some of these women a little better, and to meet a few more along the way.

One woman we were talking with arrived with her sister who ditched her there, and the person who agreed to take her back to her car also left unannounced, so I took her to her car as it was somewhere not at all convenient, sort of on the way in a round aboout sort of fashion.

It will be nice to recognize more faces when we go to Meteor next time, and E will be curious as to how the conversation was enough that I know more people...I am such a chick magnet!

I was home at 2:30 this morning. Yawn.

This morning I got up and went to get my nails done, then I got some yarn to make a scarf for E and a plain wreath to hang on the door. I then went to pick up the dogs from the doggie Hilton, and I think a nap might be in order before I work on cleaning up around here and getting more of the holiday decorations out and about.

Yes...a nap is definitely in order.

I cannot believe it is December 4th. No matter how many references I make here to time flying past, I will still have trouble believing it.

I was off yesterday and had a lovely day. It was 70 degrees or so, and it was just a good day to be out running around. E finally has a cell phone! I added her to my plan and gave her her phone amidst a garden of tropical blooms. Well, really we were at Cornelius. I went to see about getting a wreath but when I saw the prices for them I decided my dolllars were better spent on some of the gorgeous plants they had. I got a small cyclamen, a mini rose bush, a small christmas cactus, a pencil cctus and a small jade like plant and only spent thirty bucks. The wreaths started at forty-four so it was a good compromise. Maybe I will pick up an artificial wreath this weekend at Target or Garden Ridge.

The cell phone for E was timely in that she is going to Dallas this weekend to her Aunt P's for the twinkle parade at the marina where they house their boat. I have to work and will be attending one of the premiere lesbian parties of the holiday season with my friend Irina, whose girlfriend will also be ut of town, and a mutual friend ot ours, more hers than mine, Mimi. It should be fun, though less so without E.

Time to scoot to yoga...

Lately I have been working on memoir pieces inspired by photographs. If someone knows how to post a pic directly without linking, please let me know via comments or email.

Oh Christmas Tree

The six foot artificial tree at People’s Drugs was one of the cheesiest I have ever seen, and even though it was a bargain at just $19.99, I still had to wait until I had enough extra cash to pick one up. Tips were good that year, Christmas of 1987, but there were always higher priorities such as presents...and food.

Two days before Christmas, my determination to get one of those god-awful trees rose to its peak. I popped into the drug store on my way to the bus stop after work, only to discover they were sold out. I cried all the way home on the bus not bothering to make any efforts to conceal it.

My oldest son was not yet four and was spending the holidays with my parents in upstate New York, my home until the previous spring when I had taken the giant risk of relocating to Virginia. I had met my ex-husband, then boyfriend, soon after settling in Norfolk, and it was our first Christmas together. We were so very much in love and I wanted everything to be absolutely perfect. Now we would have no tree, slightly less than the perfection I had been hoping for.

I had pitiful few ornaments and a single strand of lights. I was late arriving home that night and I went straight to bed to cry my eyes out some more. On Christmas eve I had to work eight to five, so there was little to be done about finding a tree or other decorations as everything would be closed down before I was through for the day. The manager I worked for at the time was a miserable human being, and even if time had permitted, she would have never allowed me the time to search for a tree. By that time, even a Charlie Brown Christmas tree would have been preferable to none at all.

I was twenty-three years old at the time and so very much in love. Truly, this was my first serious relationship, though I already had a three year old son from my previous thought-of-at-the-time as serious relationship. I had finally learned the difference, and I wanted to make this holiday special. How does one make that happen at the worldly-wise age of twenty-three without a tree?

I got home on Christmas eve at about seven and had the brilliant idea to string the lights up on the wall in the shape of a Christmas tree and then tack the pitiful few ornaments I had onto my beloved tree. It simply wasn’t enough and the tears I thought already exhausted returned. Once I calmed down a little, I thought to add the holiday cards I had received, but still the tree remained pitiful. I then arranged the few presents I had “under” the tree. I was so extremely upset and forlorn for lack of a tree.

My boyfriend came over sometime later that evening and found me in the dark, sleeping on the couch. He was careful not to wake me as he placed his own gifts under the tree. He then saw the plug and plugged it in. Though the light was dim, it was enough to wake me and I smiled in surprise at the tree, the soul source of light in the room as it twinkled and brought yet a few more tears to my eyes, this time tears of joy.

We sat in silence just watching the tree lights twinkle. Christmas day was pleasant as we relaxed together and enjoyed each other’s company. The presents were meager and few, but the presence was spectacular, especially when viewed in silence at night.

As it happened that year, the day after Christmas fell on my day off. I made my boyfriend persevere the post-holiday sale chaos at K-mart so I could buy a suitable tree for subsequent Christmases to come. I bought a decent eight foot tree, for $19.99.

15 minute meditation followed by 25 minutes of yoga and 5 of Savasana...what a difference. I had not realized how much no yoga class this week had affected me.

I was going to post a long rant about my work irritations on Wednesday, my t-day irritations on Thursday, and finish up with my work irritations on Friday. Instead I decided to not give it more of a hold than it already has. Suffice it to say that my involvement in family days will at the very least be tremendously less, and at the most be nonexistant. At work,
I am just going to withdraw a little back away from the toxic people and dig into the reading for my women's group which is rather extensive and diverse.

Something More by Sarah Ban Breathnach
Sacred Contracts by Caroline Myss
Illuminata by Marianne Williamson
People's History of the United States by Howard Zinn
Yesterday, I Cried by Iyanla Vanzant
I Don't Want To Talk About It by Terrance Real
Your Body's Many Cries For Water by F. Batmanghelidj

I got the first two books last night at B&N and Sacred Contracts is also a cd we are supposed to pick up. Those were the two suggested we get started on. Today I am off to scour a couple of discount bookstores to see what else I can find. I have found most of them online, so I have a base price comparison to shoot for.

Time to scoot...

The food was all a success, the dishes have been done. I am hauling some leftovers to work today because there is simply not enough room in the fridge. And the family time went off with no major drama. I was so fortunate to witness how judgemental K and J are, and I kept my tongue ied down about it.

The only thing that really plucked my nerves was that i had to cut up the turkey that k brought. It was not on my menu, why did I have to do anything with it at all? I made a mess of it...hah!

Off to work...

The yams are peeled, sliced, buttered, brown-sugared and cinamoned and roasting away in the oven, 2 hours down, 2 hours to go. The eggs have been deviled. The quattro fromagi is assempled and awaiting its turn in the oven tomorrow. (Belch...) I've had a pepsi, (thwack) the celophane rim has been removed from my pint of B & J...

After 10 hours at work today, I am wide afuckingwake, and all is otherwise well in my world.

I will get the ham into the oven tomorrow when I get up, and as the ham coms out, the yams go in to reheat and the mac and cheese gets baked off simultaneously. i suppose i can stuff the celery after the ham is in the oven in the morning, because I sure as hell do not feel it happening tonight.

oh...and the beer is achillin in the fridge, and the possum is cornered up the tree...

Shopping tonight was pretty painless. I was able to get an 11 pound ham, hoping that is big enough. With K bringing a turkey, I am sure we will have enough, but I really like the leftover ham for sandwiches and omelettes. I was to the store and home, groceries put away in less than an hour.

I made an executive decision and dropped the leek tart off the list. I think I will just make it this weekend. Of course, I still might change my mind again and make it for Thanksgiving. I dropped it off because it needs an hour in the oven and I just do not know when I can accomodate it and still have everything else hot and fresh.

Chapin, dinner is at 4 on Thursday!

If you have a few minutes, go on over to moby and read the sidebar column "How EWA got to be EWA". It is interesting, and I have not even gotten t the EWA site yet!

I did not go to sleep last night before 2am, and here I am alert and awake before 7:30am. There is something not quite right with this picture. Of course, it remains to be seen if this is to be an insomnia period or if it is an isolated event. The pattern will emerge as it will.

I have been trying to decide when to go to the store for Thanksgiving groceries, and I think the answer is tonight at 10pm. I do not want to go this morning because I have other running around to do on the way to work. I have to go by the Lawndale to pick up my retablo, and I also have to go by the beauty supply store to pick up some candles they have on clearance. Neither of these errands are on the way to work, but I am making them so. I figure if I leave the house by 9:30 I can get everything done and still make it to work on time.

I could stop at the store on the way home tonight, but I do not want to miss NYPD Blue, so I will have to go afterward, which might actually be the best time anyway, since I have to work tomorrow and would otherwise have to go on the way home. Grocery store on the eve of a holiday...not happening. The eve of the eve will be bad enough.

The tree is up, and I had wanted to have it decorated, but that is not happening any time soon, unless
I get home and it has been done. Not likely because E has a full to-do list of her own. Perhaps I will task Paul with it when he arrives o Thursday. Nah, it is something I really like to do. I might just tackle some of it tonight after the store, and then after work tomorrow as I am cooking. The cooking will commence around 8pm Wednesday night.

The menu includes:

Coca Cola basted ham
fresh butter layered yams
4 cheese macaroni
shrimp dumplings (if I can figure out when the stove top can be used that the oven is not on)
deviled eggs
stuffed celery
goat cheese and leek tart (if I can figure out when it can claim the oven)
mashed potatoes with StAndre cheese

hmmm, what else...K is bringing a turky and stuffing with gravy because her husband was put out that turkey is not on the menu, and Paul is bringing oyster dressing and a corn souffle.

I think there just might be enough food. We have also considered honoring our tradition of egg rolls and jalapeno poppers from Jack In The Box. I think that just depends on if someone remembers to go get them.

Let the merriment begin!!

Money woes answered, now relying on the USPS...I am not sure that I like that much at all.

On another note, I finally picked up the current issue of Poets & Writers magazine and there are a few contests I am considering entering, if, of course, the money woes are resolved before the deadlines. One such thng that was intrigueing was for a 7 month writer's fellowship in Provincetown for winter 2004. I really want to enter this, but I will not because I do not think I am quite ready for it. It has gotten me to thinking though, of how my girlfriend would react to the news (when I win) that I would be spending 7 months in P-town, lesbian capitol of the east coast. I am thinking she might not be thrilled with the news. Anybody had a similar experience? I think it is something I will inquire about at least in a hypothetical sense.

I have had similar conversations with her as I was once hot on the idea of going somewhere where I know not a soul to write for 3 months. I read bananie, linked on the left, and she did this last year in Ireland. Initially, E thought I should do this and really look into making it happen. As time wore on and we discussed it further, she was suddenly saying 6 weeks would be a good time frame...then it was suddenly 3 weeks, leading me to believe she was not fond of the idea at all.

Maybe if I start working on her now, i can apply this time next year for a fellowship for 2005.

275 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets are simply divine.

So I think it umm, pays...to put the money woes out there to the universe. Not that my dad reads my blog, at least not that I am aware, but I spoke to him over the weekend, just checking in as the good daughter, and he asked me to email him my address again so he did not have to ask my mother for it. Then he sent me a followup email saying the check is in the mail. The benefit of him not asking my mother is that she will likely then put a check in the mail too!!

In addition, there has been a bit of a personal windfall in the household finances which remedy the need for concern on our part to the point where we will have the proverbial nest egg cushion. Amazing that it took me to 39 to be able to have any degree of comfort financially, though admittedly, the degree is pretty small. It's a start.

I have also come to the conclusion that I actually like being back in the salon. I don't like the fact that I am just never busy, but I can actively work to improve that and will post the flyer we come up with once it is done. Currently, I have to work 35 hours a week to become and then maintain benefits eligibility. I am realizing that it might not be worth it in the long run and am going to see what other avenues for health insurance might be available.

Off to do the production for the new issue of Emerald Pillows...all the subscribers waiting on the edge of their seats will have one in the mail asap!

I actually did three people in the salon today. While this was a pleasant change in the monotony of the trials to my patience, having to witness my neighboring stylist's utter lack of talent, skill and knowledge was terribly painful.

J got a color client around the time I was woking on my third cut of the afternoon. I have not worked with her very long, just 5 weeks now, but witnessing her efforts today made me lose any semblance of respect toward her professionally I might have had. I will never again book her any appointments that walk or phone in. Yes, it really was that bad, and yes, I will be speaking with my manager about it in the morning.

The thing is, she has been through school and has been a stylist for a period of time which I am unaware of. Even if she is old school, having gone to school before the advent of foil hilighting, (which gives her a modicum of slack) I could teach her the technique, and with a lot of practice she could perhaps (and this is a generous stretch of my imagination) gain some degree of mastery over it to justify charging for the service. She cannot, however, gain an artistic soul to be able to interpret color choice.

Having vented this, I certainly feel better. Perhaps enough that I will remain mute about it in the salon and not mention it to my manager. We shall see how that goes.

It is just plain sucky that I get paid again the day afer Thanksgiving. Not the day before, where I could use funds for umm...I don't know...groceries?

Here Kitty Kittyyyyyyyyy...

Goat-cheese Leek Tart (as seen in everyday FOOD from the kitchen of Martha Stewart Living)

--1 bunch leeks, white and pale
green parts only, thinly sliced
into half-moons and washed
well (about 2 cups)
--1 tablespoon olive oil
--coarse salt and ground pepper
--6 ounces soft goat cheese,
room temperature
--2 ounces cream cheese,
room temperature
--2 tablespoons milk
--3 large egg yolks
--1 teaspoon chopped fresh
thyme (or 1/4 teaspoon dried)
1 store-bought refrigerated
pie crust (for a 9-inch pie)


1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees, with rack on lowest shelf. In a medium bowl, toss leeks with oil, and season with salt and pepper. Set aside.

2. In a medium bowl, whisk together goat cheese, cream cheese, milk, and 2 egg yolks, and thyme. Lightly season with salt and pepper. In a small bowl, beat remaining egg yolk with 1 tablespoon water, for egg wash.

3. Place pie crust on a rimmed baking sheet. Spread goat cheese mixture on crust, leaving a 2-inch border. Top with leeks. Fold edge of dough over filling, Pinching folds together to seal. Brush dough with egg wash.

4. Bake until crust is golden brown, about 1 hour. Let cool completely on a wire rack. Cut into wedges; serve.


This recipe calls for store bought pie dough. Usually, this is found in the refrigerator section where the eggs and butter are. Pilsbury makes a 2 pack. Do not use frozen shells. I think it would also be good with puff pastry. "a rimmed baking sheet" refers to a cookie sheet with sides, jelly roll pan, even a sheet cake pan would work. The center is left open.

Well, Paul called me this morning to tell me he did not leave the hospital until 10:30 last night, and that he was indeed feeling like crap. We both decided to pass on the Market.

I went instead to Target with E and we came home to be slugs for a while. We are now just back from The Ambassador where we had sizzling rice soup, pan-fried shrimp dumplings, and shrimp egg foo yong. All tres yumm. Ten we went to Borders to read some magazines, one of which I bought, Everyday Food. There is a recipe I will make for Thanksgiving for a goat cheese and leek tart.

The day began with the sister-in-law and family coming over for haie cuts and the brother-in-law seeming put out when he learned I would not be making a turkey for the holiday family meal. Now, at the last family gathering, I specifically asked if this would upset anyone and specifically asked K if J would mind. Not like it is new news...

So K said she would fix a small turkey and bring it along, to which I just said whatever...

Now I am on the hunt for some fabulous yet non-traditional dishes to fix for Thanksgiving dinner. I suppose equanimity takes a back seat if one;s intent is to fuck with someone.

It is the weekend for The Nutcracker Market...woohoooooooooooo!!

I am supposed to go with PAul tomorrow and hope he is feeling up to it. He was to have his heart shocked today to get it back into the proper rhythm, something he has had done before and insists is no big deal, but he might wake up in the morning feeling like crapola, so we shall see. As much as I look forward to attending each year, I really do not need to be spending the money I will be tempted to while there.

Last year I was very reserved and spent only on a few food items. I think if Paul is not up to it, I will pass, but if he is feeling fine, we will go and have fun sampling our way around the hall.

I am also doing family hair cuts tomorrow morning early, and then need to vacuum out the beach from my car at some point too.

On Sunday I am cutting hair for Beth and Irina, and also it is associate shopping at jcp. I am thinking some 300 count Egyptian cotton sheets, and a nice little purse I have had my eye on, and E is thinking some pants and we always get more socks.

Have to go to Target for a gift card for my youngest for his birthday, and while at the mall I might also pop into Lord & Taylor to see if they have anything good on sale, like the Hilfiger skirt I tried on there a month or so ago that fir me in a smaller size than expected. That would be a major coup.

Plenty else to do, as well, though I ,might be umm...forgetting about it all as I have already listed plenty.

Well we did it! Nola and I went to the beach this morning. It was 85 degrees while we were there and I would guess the water temp was near 70 degrees. It was Nola's first time and she/we had a blast. She is such a chick magnet...

Initially Nola would walk at the edge of the surf and just let her little paws get wet. As the Tide rolled in, she would run away so it would not get her. It really was a comedy. As my feet became accustomed to the temperature, i walked out a little further and as Nola was on leash, she had little choice but to join me. As she realized the water was not going to get her, she began jumping forward into the surf.

There were flocks of seagulls there as well, and a lot of baby gulls. I wanted to have Nola off leash, but she is a mouser and she would have captured her quarry. Yes, she is fast, fast, fast.

The sand was very compact and there was no seaweed at all, which was a pleasant change. Also since beach season is waning, there were plenty of shells to pore over. Some of them were a brilliant reddish brick color, and I even managed to find a complete conch shell that is about 2 inches long.

We were there about an hour or so and I am just a leeeeeeeeetle bit pink. Already pilaged the aloe plant and will again later so as not to be itchy.

Nola is out cold sleeping next to me. I think she will snooze the afternoon away.

I am having such a hard time with my NaNoWriMo entry. Plenty of ideas about it and easily a couple thousand words of notes in my work journal, but when I sit down and am ready to write, I have something more than a blank. I think the block I am having has to do with my ccurrent Buddhist study which is focusing on equanimity and treating every being as if they were once your mother. This is, imo, making it difficult to write the catty and devious salon characters my murder mystery revolves around. I think I might just type in my notes and work from there to see what else I can come up with.

I have otherwise been rather motivated. I have decided on my Thanksgiving menu even if the guest list remains an uncertainty, or rather unconfirmed. I have decded on who will be getting one of my fabulous xmas boxes filled with a variety of home baked goodies, as well as which goodies will be in said boxes. I bought part of a xmas gift yesterday! I am even feeling myself ready to dive into the next issue of Emerald Pillows which will be available on Nov 19th.

Tonight I was interviewed on Queer Voices, a local radio show on KPFT, a Pacifica station. I had already been on Hitaji's show, Earth 101, so it was not a big stage fright issue. I just was spreading the word for our little 'zine and getting out the web address. When I was on Hitaji's show I got a few emails from it, so there was response. I hope that this is more of a target audience and there will in turn be more response.

I also got a hair cut today. My friend Paul is still out with an injured hand, but I am going on six weeks which just was not working for me, so I asked Edie to do it. She rocks!!

Also read half of Venus Envy today at work by Rita Mae Brown. I was recently chatting about her with someone and mentioned how I really thought she was over-rated, so my friend suggested I try this book. I have liked it well enough and I will finish it, likely tomorrow at work, but I am not sure my opinion of her is changing much.

Woohoooooo...it's Sarah McLachlan!!

Singing on the today show at about 8:40 am..."you're so beautiful, beautiful messed up man..."

she smiled as she kept on singing and it seemed all she could do to not crack up because obviously, on the today show you just cannot say fucked...hah!!

What a babe...seeing her live, even though not in person, is a tear filled experience, even though i am sitting home watchng her...ethereal...

So...I have my NaNoWriMo page linked on the left. Please remember...no expectations = no disappointments.

I am somewhat less than motivated and procrastination has been the rule so I am not making any promises.

To the beach or not to the beach...that is the question. I decided last night that I was going, but this morning I just do not feel like driving. So I guess that means I am not going.

I really should take the morning, or what is left of it, to catch up on NaNoWriMo. I started late, am just a thousand words into it, and I am already procrastinating. Not a good sign, but I am still going to go forward.

Maybe I will just take my laptop out into the back yard. That way I will be outside, if not at the beach, and not connected to the internet to be distracted, as well as away from the tv. I think I can face the speakers out that way and listen to some music while I diligently type out my Murderous Intent.

Sounds like a plan, huh?

I decided today that I would do NaNoWriMo and have begun writing a salon murder mystery. My working title is "Murderous Intent: The Receptionist's Revenge" and I will set up a page for it and link it on the left on Wednesday.

It began on November 1st, so I am a few days behind, but I will hopefully be able to get ahead soon enough as I have salon time to write and work out some of it. If I use the entire staff as characters it might actually write itself. There are 30 or so of us, so plenty to draw from. I just have to remember to fictionalize as I go.

Much of my read time at work this past week has been devoted to contemplating and digesting this article from the September issue of Shambhala Sun.

Also in the same issue is a slightly fictionalized accont of a young woman's journey into the priesthood. Annie Mirror Heart has so much potential, but sadly the woman it was based on died before more could be written. It was strangely pleasing to read, and consoling of some deep place I did not know was in need of it.

I am still also reading the July issue, the annual
yoga issue.

I find I refer back to this magazine a lot, so perhaps that is good indication it is time for a subscription. Off to work I go...

Well I am in the process of removing my roots. I think, actually, they ceased being roots several months ago. I had the closest thing to virgin hair, until about 10 minutes ago, that I have had in my 20 year hair artistry career. I am not sure why, but finally it was making me crazy. In 30 minutes, I will be back among the hair dressing profession with my favorite little 5RC on my hair. That is bright bright red for those of you not in the know. Hopefully my hairdresser will be off medical leave soon and I will be getting it cut also. It has been nearly 5 weeks since my last cut, an eternity when you wear hair as short as is my preference. I might just feel like a hairdresser again when I go in to work tomorrow!

My second run of errands today took me to the nail salon, a new place I thought I might try by the house. My nails look okay, I suppose, I just have to get used to them again. I am not sure, but there is something about them I do not care for, so if I can figure that out, I will either return to the same grrl, or go somewhere new. I will give it some time before I decide for sure.

I made some cabbage for dinner tonight fried up in the pan with Italian sausage and onion. I am not sure why I was craving it, but I was, so I made it. Might just turn out that I am the only one who will eat it.

Once my color is done, I need to go on back out once more to pay my Circuit City bill which is due today. I think I am ready to officially remove all but my debit card from my wallet. Everything will be current, well, except for my cell phone which will be caught up on Monday.

I need to investigate other cell companies as I might soon be leaving Cingular. Still not decided where to go, and today I even had the thought of perhaps giving up my cell phone to have those dollars in my clothing allowance budget. Definitely not a decision to make lightly. I think when I go out to pay Circuit City, I might have to get a pint of B & J to fully appreciate all the pros and cons of no cell phone.

Ideas from anyone who has forgone the evils of a cell after having had it for a while will be appreciated.

November 1st. It still amazes me when the days zip by so quickly. This morning, I have already been somewhat productive. I went to the bank to deposit my check, and then wroote myself a note to arrange for direct deposit so I will not have it to do again as necessity. Direct deposit really is a good thing.

After that I returned videos, on time!! Yea, me!! We even managed to watch two of the three we rented this time.

After videos I went to Armstrong McCall, a beauty supply store for licensed professionals only. They had some of what I wanted, but I thought for sure that they carried the Bed Head line. Nope. Instead I got a few Kiwi products by ARTec, and some candles that have been discontinued. I also made a huge impulse purchase while I was there.

It is impulse as it was not on my day's agenda, but I decided to spend the $50 clothing allowance I had alloted myself, so it is not a budget crushing impulse purchase. Additionally, it is something to benefit both E and myself, and also something we have been talking about buying for some time.

The beauty supply store had a beach cruiser bike, 3-speed, metallic red, for $50!! Actually, it is near identical to one I have been waiting to get at Target which is $99, so rather than consider this a $50 impulse buy, I suppose it is better considered a $49 savings.

Does that mean I can go spent another $50 on clothes? I think I had better go do some budget crunching math before I answer that question.

Now for the afternoon, I was going to go to the grocery store and perhaps stop by the nail salon but maybe the nails are better put off for another day. Or, maybe not. I think I will nap on it.

Another work week is gone. Why am I not surprised that it seems like I never left the salon?

It has not been entirely bland, as the slow atmosphere at this particular salon gives me plenty of time for contemplation. The mental organization I can accomplish is pretty remarkable, and I can make lists like mad for those frequent moments when I feel as if I just can't focus.

I am catching up on the back issues of magazines I had to have for some reason or another, mainly Poets & Writers and Shambala Sun. It is interesting to me how things in my life seem to all come together, either to a crossroads or to a perfect parallel. Perhaps more on that later.

Tonight after work, i went with E to Cafe Montrose. It is a French/Belgian place and I had an order of mussels. I have been jonesing for them ever since we returned from NYC. These were pretty good, not quite the ones from Le Singe Vert, but good just the same. I have been inspired to make them myself, and will do just that on Wednesday, if not sooner.

After dinner we were supposed to meet Paul and Fred at EJ's bar, but E was not feeling right, and when we got there, there was a $5 cover charge. Since we knew we would be only there for a drink or two, we opted to leave...I know Paul will nderstand, and I will buzz by and see him tomorrow. I only hope he does not worry because my cell is temporarily out of service. That happened at 11 pm ish, and I had spoken to him on just an hour before. He will not worry too much, but it would have been nice to let him know.

Time for a movie I think.

Yippee!! my main man is back among us. What withdrawl I was suffering. I sure hope he is still running for prez...I cannot imagine a candidate I might actually want to fuck any more than wKen...well, maybe if Lara Croft was on the ballot we would have issues to discuss, too...

i was awake early again, but soon enough fell back to sleep. Something is going on that this is happening, but I do go through long periods of near insomnia, so it could be one of those approaching. I then slept until about 9:30, so I am feeling quite rested at the moment. I am trying to decide what degree of nothingness to approach the rest of the day with.

It should be chicken and dumpling day at Eatzi's, so I might go there and get some lunch. I sort of feel like running to Galveston, but I also sort of don't, so likely I won't. Ben & erry are of course, still calling my name, but I just do not feel like going out at the moment to pick them up. Maybe I will do my color, then go to Eatzi's, then pick up Ben & Jerry on the way home.

Sounds like a plan.

I have been awake this morning since 6:45. Really awake. I did not go to bed until about midnight, and then it was a while in fantasy land while rubbing my pussay before I finally dropped off into slumber. I guess I just slept hard. I am not a morning person, so it is just a wee bit bizarre. UI have even already caught up the laundry, and straightened out my closet from my girlfriend's last effort of putting laundry away. It really is beneath her.

Then I made a cup of mango tea, and returned a bunch of emails, even writing at some length to the object of my recent fantasies ( ~~GASP~~a man). What kind of lesbian am I??

More important though, what the fuck am I doing awake and alert at an ungodly hour of the morning? I have to get into the shower and get my sorry ass to yoga, then to work. What if I am this alert tomorrow morning when I have slugging on my agenda? What of my date with Ben & Jerry???

I guess if I am this alert tomorrow morning I might go to the beach and write...and read...and think of that man...

Seems like I have not had a day off since vacation, though of course, I have. There has just been something to do, or company here so it seems I have been on the go.

The weekend with CJ was rather pleasant, if not low key. The women's fest was drowned out so we passed, but we did make it to see the Master's show of works from MOMA which is here at the Houston Museum of Fine Arts. E told me this is the only stop for the show in North America, so quite the coup for Houston, and a nice little event for us to see. I think I will be going back to see it again at least once mmore, but perhaps on a Wednesday when it is less busy. I want to be able to sit and make some notes. Might even do the audio tour again as I liked that aspect of it. There were many paintings I wished had that component. Whoever chose did a poor job.

This Wednesday has been reserved for slugging...just me and the pooches curled up under the covers with some Ben & Jerry's Making Whoopie Pie...maybe some tv, maybe not. I have not decided that part yet. I think I might even have E turn the phone ringers off, not that I will get up to answer if it does ring.

I have been somewhat mentally occupied by wKen lately. He has been invading my dreams a lot, and it makes me curious. Something to ponder at work today, I suppose.

On your way to the store at 10 am when you have to pick your friend up at the airport at 12 noon and your girlfriend is in a meeting so does not get your plea for help is NOT the best possible time to lock yourself out of the house...

However, babe that she is, E checks her messages frequently and I was only locked out for about 45 minutes. The store will just have to wait. Lots of pecans in the driveway so at least I had a snack.

In four minutes, I will be walking out the door to go to work...that is just so wrong. I had to switch my hours for the Retablo opening party/artist's reception/silent auction tonight. Of course that does mean I will be leaving work at 6 rather than 9 tonight...a good thing I assure you.

And, I am then off for the weekend so I can play with my friend CJ all weekend...woohoo..........................

Tuesday morning...I have yoga this morning, and I must admit it is sorely needed. I am not sure why I am feeling so ambivalent about going. It could be a mini-funk settling in, or it could just be mood hangover from work. I have to reserve judgement about work until after I am on my regular schedule.

I have been trying to edit my book list with little success. I am not sure why I am getting extra space when I add someone alphabetically. If I insert a line of text it is also inserting space below it but not an extra line, so it breaks the block of that alpha letter into two blocks. Perhaps I need to just edit my online version and then convert that to a new mini file. I suppose I will give that a try.

Otherwise, not much is new...

Amidst all my bitching and moaning about work, I will gladly entertain more customers like the walkin I got today. Randi came in for a color service, new to town and not knowing where to go. She is a hi-lift blonde and I quickly informed her how lucky she was to find me. Her service was $55 and she gave me a $20 tip. Many many more like her can get on my waiting list...

Damn!

I just realized that my booklist, shrunk down to a size 6 font I think or smaller so it is on one page, is yet another file that was on my desktop pre-crash. That means I have to make that file again. Aggravation.

Back up..rewind...I just found it misfiled under a different name. How fortunate. I wonder what else might be misfiled.

Another work week begins in about an hour, what a drag. At least at the end of this one I have company coming and will have some fun. Pleasant distraction, even if it will be a struggle to keep up with her young ass.

weirdness...yawn...

So I have just updated my "recent reads" to the left. How many get posted before scrolling some off the bottom?

I have also made some notes to update my library list. I might begin that project this week, or it might sit. It all depends on if I get my ass out of bed in the mornings before I have to or if I lounge around nekkid in bed until the last second.

I still need to go through a few shelves of books to see if there are any new additions I missed but since the desk light is burned out I might wait to do that in the morning. Then, too, there is a whole slew of reshelving to do so everything is where it belongs. I just ran across a few books I have bought and have yet to read so at least I will have something to do (read) at work this week.

Sunday morning and I am up and awake before 8 am. There is something wrong with this picture. I just poured a cup of tea, and loaded up the cd player with Diana Krall, Sarah McLachlan, Lisa Loeb, Bebel Gilberto, and Shawn Colvin. I will either figure it out by the time they all play, or E will then be up to distract me with the rest of the day.

I went back to work last Tuesday, and before the end of the first day I knew it was to be a dread filled experience. My horoscope that first day was something like "do not mingle into the drama, stay in your own space". As I read that I knew it was appropriate and that is how I have decided to conduct myself at work. I will chat with Paul of course, and with Sharon, my manager, I can be totally candid. But the rest of them can just presume I am stuck up or anti-social while I sit at my station and read.

On Thursday I read an entire book! I read The Cemetery Murders by Jean Marcy. I rather enjoy handing my book to one of the unknowing who asks what I am reading. It is entertaining to see their faces as they read the back cover and come across the word dyke or lesbian. I suppose it is as good a time as any to comb through my shelves of books and pull out ones I have not read as I am committed to staying the first 13 weeks minimum before I make a final decision. Of course, s out I can be added to her insurance, I will tweak my schedule righ away. Working less hours would make it much more bearable.

E has told me once again that I would be much more suited to becoming a therapist so I could help the world, and has reminded me that I can go to scool while she supports us and then just work part time somewhere for pocket money. I am going to go to check things out at HCC as well as at U of H, maybe even do a pre-enrollment to have them request my transcripts from my last college days. I might have a better idea about it all knowing that prior work would transfer. I will get on it after my friend comes to visit this next weekend. I switched my schedule around so I could be off Friday, Saturday and Sunday, so that means I will be working straight through until Friday four 10 hour days so I could not get to either school anyway before the following Wednesday.

On another note, my car is back among the living. I told Lewis to go out to the parking lot and put the mojo on it so I would not be back to see him anytime soon. I need to not bitch about it too much because it really is for the most part reliable transportation, and while it is in its eitghth year, it has less than 70,000 miles on it so it has considerable life left in it still. Perhaps it will be a good first car for T if I can save up spme dollars towards a new car for myself.

Who the hell knows what the future holds?

Just got off the phone with Firestone...$319.88...sigh...

Still better than I thought it would be, but still more than I want to pay. I was going to tweak my wardrobe a little with that last unemployment check as well as buy a few things I need for work, but oh fucking well. I suppose I should just be glad I have a running vehicle and get over it. I really need to contemplate trading it in, which means I need the title from the wasband. It would also mean deciding on making payments again. I am not sure I am ready for that fully.

Work, in general, sucks. It is a very depressing place to be, surounded by ghetto mentality. I am not sure I can explain that further, but most salons have a component of it, just so happens it is the majority in the salon I am in.

More later...

Pain in the ass piece of shit jeep cherokee!!!

My first day at work went off pretty well. I did 4 people, 14 woulda been nicer, and 3 of them were requests for me. Not too shabby considering I have been out of the salon for nearly 3 years.

I clocked out at 9 pm, went out to my car, and the piece of shit would not start. It was getting juice from the new battery fine and dandy, I think it was not getting any gas. Tomorrow Papu will meet me there, we hope, after work and we will wait for the triple A dude to arrive for a tow to the Firestone we use. Hopefully it will be a minor enough fix to not completely drain my funds.

E came to pick me up tonight, and Paul will pick me up on his way in tomorrow.

Just sucky...

We got up on Wednesday morning at my aunt's house and packed up our thngs. All the loot we had collected at Rice's Market in PA was packed into a box to be shipped ahead to our home. I am expecting it soon, hopefully before Christmas.

We than packed up our suitcases and put fresh linens on the bed for my aunt. We were delivered to the bus station and took the 1:35 into NYC. I was surprised that it was only a one hour trip, and it was a rather seamless transition from life in the country.

The bus took us right to the Port Authority and from there we took a cab to our friend's place in Chelsea. He was out, so we left our bags with his doorman Jose who was a total doll. We then went to get a sandwich at a cafe and walked around the neighborhod for a bit. We eventually got onto the subway and rode down to Prince Street to pop into Dean & DeLuca for some tea, and then across the street to Kate's Paperie. We did not get all the things we wanted to on that trip downtown, but we scouted around and picked up some roses for our host, then headed back up to his place.

We relaxed with Scooter for a while on Wednesday evening, and then my niece came into the city after work and took us to La Guardia to pick up E's sister K. I have not seen my niece in a couple of years and we caught up on everything on the adventurous ride to the airport. She had used mapquest to get directions to Scooter's place, but had sketchy and less-than-accurate directions to the airport. A little foraging on our own, and then a call to her boyfriend got us there, and getting back to the city was pretty smooth. I was surprised at how much less traffic there was at 8 pm.

When we were back in NYC, we went up to the roof and took in the city view at night. We were relaxing with a beverage of choice and enjoying the nice fall weather. My niece headed out around 11 or so as she had work and school the following day, and we settled in back at the homestead for the night with another round of drinks or two.

On Thursday we tried to go to the Gugenheim, but found it closed on Thursdays. We bought some art on the street on our stroll down to The Met where we toured around some of the art; the el Greco exhibit, some mideval stuff, and the first floor of the modern collection.

We went to dinner on Thursday night at one of Scooter's favorite places, le Singe Vert. He lived abroad in France for a few years and to him this place is sort of like going home. It was fabulous. I had a tartine which was toasted slices of French bread topped with tomato/honey confit and goat cheese. It was exquisite. I also had the duck. Tres magnifique!!

Scooter had a bowl of mussels, his favorite, and as I had never had them before, I accepted his offer to try a few. They were very delicious and melted in my mouth. I will definitely be adding them to my menu soon.

On Friday, we shopped around during the day a bit and K and E's brothers drove in to join us for dinner. It was a surprise to K right up until we were at the restaurant to meet them. I could not believe someone did not let the cat out of the bag. While we were waiting, they called to say they were stuck in traffic, and at that point we had to tell her what was going on because we had to wait for them a couple of hours.

We decided to go around the corner to a different bar where we could drink a little cheaper than at the restaurant. g lounge is a chic boy bar and we listened to some tunes and had a few drinks whille our host cruised some of the local talent. The place was packed.

We finally met up with the boys around 8 pm, not 5, and had a fair dinner at Elmo's, which is right next door to le Singe Vert. It was fair. Not great. Not soomewhere I would recommend or return to. My meal of pan-seared scallops and cheesy pumpkin rice was actually quite excellent, and Johnny, our so very cute gay boy server was actually perfect. But overall, the place was merely adequate.

After dinner we went back to Scooter's for more drinks and a little side of family drama...enough said about that.

On Saturday morning we went to meet the boys for breakfast at their hotel before they went home to DC. After that, we hit one of the chelsea flea markets. I picked up a lovely pin, and a carved asian incense holder. I think it is soapstone, and I am not sure what its traditional purpose is, but I liked it and I thought the incense would be nice stored in it. While I was browsing that particular booth, the woman whose booth it was came over and started rambling on in Chinese. Her daughter said "Whoa" to her, and began translating.

The woman was curious about my hacking cough. I exlained to her that it was seasonal allergy/sinus crud and that I just had to wait it out. She explained that there was a remedy, and asked permission to apply some white clover oil to my throat. I made my purchase and walked around some more, and did not cough again the entire time. I went back to tell her, and she gave me the bottle which was almost empty. I am going to see if I can get some at Whole Foods. She also told me to stir-fry some chopped fresh ginger and then add the egg, rice, and meat and veggies. She said add whatever I like, just be sure to use plenty of ginger. I am going to add that to my menu soon, too.

I went around the next corner at the flea market and bought a box of bright pink silk daisy tops.

Oh, and a small Wedgewood saucer as well as a second saucer that I just really liked for a couple bucks each.

E and I went back up to Scooter's to rest for a while and Scooter and K went out for a walk as they had just finished resting. We watched a movie and then decided we were hungry. It was still early enough for thr brunch menu so I proposed we go back to le Singe Vert and share a bowl of mussels. I ate nearly the entire bowl myself and could have gone back there yet another time if our budget had allowed. Divine, they were.

E and I seemed to keep missing Scooter and K most of the day, and we finally settled in for another movie in the evening and ordered out for Chinese from MaMa Buddha's. Another interestingly adequate meal, and just the low key solution we needed to recoup a little more from all the indulging we had been doing.

On Sunday morning, K was gone to the airport by 6 and a little later, E and I got up and hit another flea market and then went back downtown for our final purchases from Dean & DeLuca and Kate's Paperie. Before doing that, however, we had brunch around the corner from there at a place we found in one of our previous trips to NYC. Zoe's makes a terrific "al uovo" (sp?) pizza. It is a thin crust topped with thinly sliced potatoes, fontina cheese, mancetta bacon, and two fried eggs. Fantastic fabulous!

On the way back from the morning shopping we went to yet another flea market, this one set up inside a parking garage just a street down from Scooter's place. We looked around a little, but I was definitely nearly shopped out at this time. I decided the big corner booth would be my last, and that I would pore over what they had closely. In the back corner of the booth was a set of glassware. It was red glass on the bottom half and clear on top with gold rings around it. 20 pieces for $20. Shot glasses, water glasses and hi-ballish glasses. I had to have them but had no idea how I was going to get them home. Then I decided I could empty my back pack into my suitcase and put all the fragile stuff in it and carry it home on the plane. Perfect.

The two stores I wanted to go to were Satya and Mr Pink, both of which I saw on Queer Eye and both linked from the "Meet the Parents" episode. I made purchases at both, as well as a few other quirky stores we just happened upon and whose names escape me.

Now I am home and after this post, I need a nap!! Tomorrow is back t work...

The first night we were here at my aunt's house, we discovered how hot it gets in the guest room when the door is closed. She said, "Did you crack the window?"

As it gets into the 30s at night, it did not occur to me that this would be okay. Since then we have kept the window cracked and enjoyed the snuggle factor under the huge comforter.

This morning when we awoke at 7ish, it was 34 fucking degrees. Omigod...a heavy frost could be seen when looking out over the back forty. E took one look out the window and said, "Nope! It is too cold to be going to any flea market this early in the morning."

Of course we still got it together and after my aunt threw a pot roast dinner into the crock pot, we were out the door by 9, just an hour past the schedule proposed last night.

We stopped down in Clinton about 15 minutes down the road for a bagel and cup of tea, and as they did not have chai, I settled for an ice cold Yoohoo. Nice combination with a hot onion bagel with cream cheese. While in Clinton, we stopped at the bus station and got our tickets for the ride into NYC tomorrow afternoon.

We then went off to New Hope, PA to the Rice sale and market. I was surprised at the size of this place given it is on Tuesday. It was just enough looking around. Aunt Patty even supplied E and I both with $25 each spending money.

E got a pair of Gucci knock off sunglasses for $5 and then a nice hippy-ish purple cotton shirt for $12. After strolling around some more, she saw a hat she really liked which totally gives her the country-dyke-about-town look. I liked it so I encouraged her to get it. It was $20 amd a similar one she wanted in TX was $100, so it was a deal.

I was entranced by all the knock off purses that were mostly just $20. Plenty of Gucci, Yves St LAuurent, and Louis Vuitton. Of course every other table had a vast array of Kate Spade bags and I am already regretting having the self control to get only two. I got a nice burgunty color one with black trim and a nice dark grey felt one, both rather conservative. I should have also gotten one of the striped ones and one of the pleather ones.

I totally resisted everything Christmas.

We also got an artsy candelabra sort of thing which will always be a remiinder of the trip.

We then went on to the original Peddler's Village (I think) and had lunch. Of course after lunch we drove through the village of New Hope, another walking day in itself for our next trip. and then stopped at an ice cream stand my aunt used to ride her bike to as a girl. I think it was called Dilly's.

Then it was home, and anyone with anysense, namely E, is currently napping.

I am ready to zip on over to the A&P and get some laundry detergent and some Luden's Honey and Lemon cough drops. I got some when we arrived and they are the most tolerable cough drops I have ever had. Not too sweet, not too mentholated, and they really work.

Last night we forgot all about going back to the observatory. We watched Alias and than I read some while the others watched The Practice. I have little interest in that show, really.

This morning my mom took E and I to breakfast and then when we got home we decided to go to the store so I could cook dinner for everyone. I made mashed potatoes with St Andre cheese added, some fresh green beans, and pork tenderloin.

While we were out we also stopped at an orchard so I could make an apple pie and I used the extra apples for some fresh apple sauce.

Everything was tres yumm, of course.

Tomorrow morning we are going to a flea market in PA and Aunt Patty is going to make a pot roast in the crock pot so we do not have any work to do.

After dinner tonight my cousin brought his kids over. I used to say my little cousin David, but at some point he shot up taller than me, and once he was married that went by the side somehow. His son David is 3.5 and he has a daughter Autumn who is 9 months. Both were delightful. Happily, they have gone home.

I spoke to my neice and she is going to meet us in the city on Wednesday so I will be able to visit with her then for a bit. I have not seen her since my last trip to the city a couple of years ago. I am excited to hear about a roman catholic church she is designing in Philadelphia. I am not sure if that is part of her Architecture schoolwork, or if it is something for the firm she works for. hopefully she will bring sketches.

Tomorrow is a new day...time for bed, I think

An update...we made it to NJ, even though I took us to the wrong airport for our exit from Houston. For a mere $25 each, the counter tech was able to get us on a corresponding flight so we made our connection in Atlanta with no trouble.

My cousin met us at the airport inNewark, and we will be here until sometime Wednesday.

We went to Dinner at a local diner last night and I had a decent burger, and then today we went to some breakfast buffet at the Holiday Inn. It was also ok, and my mom is here now too.

After breakfast, we broke ranks and went driving around with my cousin. First we went to the observatory which is at a state park here, and Bill invited us back to view some stars if it clears up tonight. He went on and on...

After that we stopped home and then went down into town and looked in some shops. Then to shoot some pool at a local pub, Planet High Bridge, and had a few beers and then a snack of pierogies...tres yumm. We also monopolized the pool table much to some local asshole's annoyance. All he had to freakin' do was to ask could he get in a game.

Soon it will be time for Alias and we will attempt to convert the entire household as my mother sits there complaining about one thing or another...whatever...

Well, it is official... I am re-employed...

I went to JC Penney this afternoon and filled out my paperwork so that I will be in the system by the time I return from vacation. Luckily, I adore my boss, and I appreciate that she will benefit from me being there. I rather like that aspect of my return.

She is also going to get me in as a rep for Tigi Bed Head products and possibly also for Farouk Systems. Hair artist extraordinaire...

How did it come to be October???

Yesterday, E and I managed to change the driver's side taillight on my Jeep and it works!! Then we tackled the front driver's signal light. What we found there was an 8 year old (original) bulb that was fused and corroded in the socket.

Leave it to my grrl to put a little muscle into it and get the old bulb out with some pliers and force the new bulb in through all the gunk enough that it made contact!

Wonder no more why she does the man stuff...

Today I need to get my ass in gear and shower, then go get the car reinspected and then go get the registration transferred.

Temp registration for inspection purposes: $5
Inspection: $39
Electrical system troubleshoot: $20
Battery + installation: $97
Tail light and bulb: $70
Registration transfer: $177

Grand total cost to get the car back in the road so I caan return to work after vacation because unemployment expires that very day?

$408 fucking dollars, better spent on vacation in NYC!!


~sigh~but the up side is that we will have 2 functioning cars again and I can work the schedule I want to work rather than something convoluted to accomodate having just one operable vehhicle. Also, there will be more gallavanting potential when my buddy CJ blows into town at the end of *THIS* month (OMG), and as well, I will be able to jaunt down to Galveston on my off days and not have to hurry back to pick up E.

< /ramble >

My jeep failed inspection last week. I thought there was going to be something major wrong as I have not driven it in nearly 6 months and have had trouble starting it recently.

The first determination was that I needed a new battery because there was corrosion all the way from the terminal to the fuse box. Once the battery is replaced, however, all the computer systems reset themselves and show up on the inspection test as unavailable. This in turn makes a vehhicle fail. It is my understanding that this happens on every vehicle that is a '96 or older. It also had a bulb on the front driver's side turn signal out, as well as a cracked tail light which also contributed to the failure.

The technician told me that the tail light cover was a dealer part and he could order it but there would be a surcharge, but that I could just pick it up and he would install it when we brought the car back in
and the bulb replacement on the front is a no-brainer. I got both parts today and we will look at installing them tomorrow afternoon.

The tech also said that if I drive the car about 100 miles, all the computer systems will be reactivated and everything should look fine on the reinspect.

Tonight we went for a drive...a 100 mile drive...we started out with a drive around the 610 loop which is roughly 50 miles and goes around the city. It is interesting to see all the different views of downtown at night. I also love looking at neon signs at night, and seeing everything one misses during the day. E volunteered to drive, so I could really look.

After the loop, we wound here and there on other various highways, hitting at one time or another I-10, 59, 45, and repeating parts of 610. Once we were nearly done, I suggested a stop in Montrose for Vietnamese eggrolls and wonton soup from Hollywood, one of our new faves which is gay owned.

yummx3...mission accomplished...reinspectioned tomorrow...cross everything...

Coughing just to hear yourself cough is such a pain in the neck...or throat...

I am doing okay for the most part, at least until I get anywhere less than vertical. It doubly sucks because E has the same crud I do. We think it is passing, and tea certainly helps, but I will soon be at a point when sleep might help more. Of course, I think at least half of all the tea I had today was NOT decaf, so I am awake anyway. I have plenty to do too, I just don't feel like doing much of anything.

I really need to make a return to work schedule. I have another week of true freedom followed by a week of vacation in and around NYC. I am *so* looking forward to our return to the big apple. We have a list of to-dos, but no real agenda.

This crud better have left the building by then!!

Being sick sucks. There is no other explanation for my relative lackluster desire to do absolutely nothing. Last weekend we had the 2 year old nephew overnight, and we both cauht whatever it was he carried home from daycare. E is a day ahead of me on the curve, and hopefully I am almost past the worst of this crud.

This morning I went to answer my cell phone which was out in the living room. As I picked it up, I noticed out the window a man, the meter reader for one of our utilities, hopping the fence from our neighbor's yard into ours. I am answering my cell phone, and of course the dogs notice him, too.

The patio door was open, so the dogs go into defensive mode and are immediately out in the back yard barking to wake the dead. Nevermind the fact that their mother, me, is standing there completely naked. I realized this before the boy could get a peek, and walked back to the bedroom to throw on my housedress.

I am trying to talk on the phone, get my housedress on, tell the dogs to get inside and shut the fuck up, and let the meter boy go on his happy way...all simultaneously, and all while trying to not hack up a lung.

That was enough excitement for today.

Not sure why I have not had much to say this week. I suppose it is a combination of a few things, but mainly my mind gearing up to return to work next month. I am on the move trying to get everything in place to make this happen.

The challenge this week will be to get my car inspected and registered. I have to go pick up a one trip temporary registration which will let me drive it to get it inspected. That is $5 cash. After thatit is off to inspection and hoping all the way that it passes with nothing major to hold things up. Inspection itself is $39.

Once that has been accomplished, it is back to transfer the tags and get the real registration. $177. It sucks to have to shell out that much dough right before vacation to NYC. Of course I will return to work the day after I get back, so I have to get it taken care of before.

Already accomplished this past week is getting my hair license renewal in the mail. As long as that comes back before I have to report to work, I am going to be ready.

This past weekend was rather chaotic, though for everything that was going on, things progressed smoothly. Suffice it to say I cooked for two different gatherings, both times well received, and I then decided I was tired.

Today was a slugg day and I did absolutely nothing. Back to the routine tomorrow.

Leftover sauce is a good thing. A few tablespoons mixed with a little brown sugar and some water made a lovely glaze for the chicken breast i grilled for tonight's dinner. about a half cup simmered with some white rice made a nice spanish style rice side dish. I have to repeat the truth of this all. I. am. brilliant!

I am so awesome!!

Never let it be thought I have a confidence problem. I recently found the farmer's market here in Houston, and after looking for only five years. I have pretty much decided I am going to go each weekend and collect some produce to work with for the next week. There are a lot of specialty ingredients available there, so I am excited to get to experimenting.

Today I spent $15 and this is what I got:

a bucket of plums (about 8-10) $1
a bucket of tomatoes (6 medium) $1
a bucket of red potatoes $1
a cantaloupe $1.5
5 heads of garlic $1
a bucket of green beans $1
a bucket of red onions $1
2 plantains $1
a bunch of cilantro $.5
2 handfuls of dried ancho chiles $.85
a bucket of green peppers $1
2 avocados $2
a 1/2 pound bag banana chips $.85

So really, less than $15. I then stopped at costco and picked up a variety box of imported pasta, 6/6lb bags for $4.79, and I will get a pork tenderloin, some fish, and some chicken breast at whole foods. This brings the weeks grocery budget to less than what we would normally spend on one nice meal out. And if you read me at any frequency, you know we eat out a lot!!

As soon as I got home, I dove right in to preparations for some kind of sauce. I have watched Tyler and Emeril do it often enough, how hard could it be?

I threw some olive oil in the pan, added two chopped onion, one chopped green pepper, three cloves of gatlic, smashed and chopped, two rough chopped ancho chiles, and all the tomatoes. I also tossed in a smidge of ground cardamon because it smelled good. Add a little s & p and it has been simmering away stove top for about 2 hours...it is pretty liquid now and the house smells divine. I just tasted it, and it seemed a little acidic. The cure for that with cooking spinach or other greens is a teaspoon of sugar, so in it went, and it is perfectly balanced now. I think I will finish it with a bit of fresh chopped Cilantro and we will be on fire.

I am really pleased with the smoky back flavor and just the suggestion of heat from the ancho chiles, and I think I might be brave next time and add a bunch more.

I am brilliant...

Blogger has given me spell check for my birthday, how sweet. Now I just have to remember to use it.

I got a call from my older son saying happy birthday, but it was soon revealed that it was really about him, and a means to inform me that he was thinking about moving back to Texas. I asked him immediately where he was planning to live, and I think I made it sufficiently clear that he will not be living here with us. He really has no clue about the bridges he has burned. Also, I can appreciate that he is still my baby, and I do love him, but I love my peace and sanity too.

I was discussing this with E and she agrees. I told her that I will do everything to help him, and if he shows up at the door, I will find out where the men's shelter that would be best for him is located and even drive him there. But he will not be living under our roof.

He said he had tried to call one of his friends and that the phone was out of service, and he has sent a letter. I hope he thinks this through better than he did the move to his father's. There is a sense of redemption, much like an I told you so moment.

My birthday was a relaxing day yesterday. E and I went to the Olive Garden with a gift certificate for $20 that she got the last time she gave blood. We normally would go somewhere a little more elegant, but we are going to NYC in 3 weeks and trying to save $$ for the trip. So a virtually free meal ay the OG was a welcome gift. After that we went to the museum and toured some of the art. It was also free as it was Thursday. After that we went to Cafe Artiste for a pot of tea and then to pick up the boy who was rather sullen because his football practice was rained out so to him, we were late picking him up...he then opted to go to his dad's, and we went home for a while to let the dogs out. E went to yoga (I had gone in the morning) and while she was gone one of my best friends called and we talked for nearly an hour catching up and discussing plans for the Vegas wedding of hers in the spring. After that I was finally a little hungry again, so E indulged me and we went to Hollywood for Vietnamese egg rolls and wonton soup.

Yum. Yum. Yum.

Popcorn chicken at KFC is back!!!

And I had it for dinner again tonight. Maybe after a few days of it, I will have gotten it out of my system. Gotta love the crunch.

Tomorrow is to be a busy day. I have more to do than time to do it, which means some of my to-dos will get pushed to Friday, or maybe Thursday if I am lucky. If I am forced to do them Friday, it will have been a week sonce I was able to sleep in. Poor me. I suppose that since I am returning to work next month I had better get used to it.

Surely someone can subsidize my continued unemployment!

8 pm Monday, who could know?

I have been slacking as normal, and dragging my feet on some editing for the September print issue of Emerald Pillows. I have had the files from various contributors for a few weeks, and just kept putting off actually finalizing anything since my worm infestation which necessitated the wiping of my hard drive.

I was able to save most everything, though i did forget a few text files of work in progress which were on my desktop and not filed as they should have been.
This has made me a little more diligent with stuff this time around, and I have made the effort to be more organized with forethought.

Tonight, E is at the movies with her son and the house is silent, still. Why the stillness is any different this evening than it is during the day I have no idea. I have just had the motivation somehow this evening and things are now pretty current as far as the next issue of EP is concerned.

My other efforts of organization in mental process is to have some means of structure mentally in place for my return to work. I will be lunching with my previous and future boss on Wednesday and some decisions will be made. Mainly, what hours I will have to be working. Once I know that, I can then decide when I might have time to work on EP and what time I can allow for other endeavors such as the local lesbian writers' group I have been trying to bring together.

It has been nice to have the work of others' to draw on for this issue of EP. May the contributions keep coming in.

Fourteen bottles of beer on the wall
Fourteen bottles of beer
Drink them all, after lunch you might fall
No more bottles of beer on the wall

Well, I did not fall, exactly...I sort of laid myself down on the ground while walking the dog because I was laughing so hard I could not laugh and walk the dog at the same time. It really was funny.

We had Papu come over in the afternoon, around 2, to look at the stove breaker. We discovered that when we use the oven and the cooktop at the same time, the breaker flips. Likely the only trouble is needing a bigger amp breaker, but Papu's know all that type stuff. I went to the store on a beer run, and I think we had each had a couple of beers when we decided it was time to eat.

We went to Chili's right down the street where we continued our drinking, each having four or so more beers. Lunch was yummy. I had just chicken tenders and fries with ranch dressing for dipping. As we were ready to leave, three to four hours later, Papu mentioned how much he liked it when we had gone out and he and E were singing all the old Irish songs...

I was just a little tired, and almost decided to take the "you can go home if you want" offer, but I like Nikki's Irish Pub, a hole-in-the-wall pub down the street, so I decided to go along. I am not quite sure what makes it Irish, but it seemed a logical place if they were going to be singing Irish songs.

There was an hour or so of singing before someone put some change in the juke box, and while we were there we each had another six beers.

I felt fine on the drive home, but once home, I would not have been able to drive again. As we walked the dogs down the block so they could do their business, we were cracking each other up, and I got to laughing so hard, I just sat and then lay down in the road because I could not do both at the same time. And that, of course, was even funnier to me. Equally funny was the fact that our pain in the ass late night pool party having noisy neighbors were not doing any of the above. We resisted the impulse to knock on the door and ask if we might use the pool and make some noise to keep them awake til three a.m.

Once we got back inside, we rather ravenously tore each other's clothes off, and hit the sack, umm...not necessarily for sleep...

On other weekend news, I finally began mounting photos into my fine Italian photo album, and I also created my new journal/writing diary/calendar from a blank book that I thought would be right for the job. I used the first third to mount some pics that beg to be fictionalized or memoirialized...the middle third is a week at a glace style calendar which i made with the room i felt necessary for jotting down to-dos and stuff...and the final third is left blank for regular journaling sort of spew. It's gonna be a good thing.

A good drunk and productivity, all in the same weekend...

Just in from seeing a free preview of the movie thirteen. It was intense. Beyond that, I am not sure what I could say. When I was in seventh grade, there was nothing as extreme as this going on. When I was in grade eleven, sure, some of it maybe. But definitely not in grade seven. Of course, I did go to a small town school, 69 kids in my graduating class, and grades six through 12 were all in the same school. Not long before I started there in grade six, k-12 was in the same school.

If I had to wager, I would guess there is still nothing as extreme going on there, but who knows, really.

There really isn't a whole lot else going on this week. It is a new session of yoga, and I was really energized by that thought. Each 6 week session is a sort of new beginning.

I am also nearing the end of my unemployment. I am eligible for 6 weeks more, which means i can stay out of work until right after my vacation. Convenient, yes? I have pretty much opted for the easy route, and staying with what I know. That means going back to the salon at JC Penney. Yes, it is a little more of a commute than I would like, but the idea of working for a manager who wants me back enough to grant me any schedule I suggest, and continued flexability as the winning appeal.

Of course, there are still six weeks more to change my mind. Again. And again.

September is here!

How is it that another year has rolled around so fast? It was just yesterday that my friends all joined me at the campground my family owned in upstate NY in the game room to celebrate my sixteenth birthday. I remember that Colleen, Tina, Eileen, Steven, Michael, Tracy, and Marilyn were there. I remember that i adored a tan corduroy fleece lined jacket that I put on layaway, knowing my mom would pay it off and it would be there that day. I remember sitting there wearing that jacket. We played pool, drank soda, played pinball and bowling, as well as shuffle bowl...all the games we had there. And I remember eating hot dogs from the campfire as well as having cake and ice cream.

In ten days I will be 39. I just do not know how that happens. That means I have just a year to find the stability I want in my life at 40. Mostly financial stability. When I was 16, 40 was so old, so far away.

Would I wish to do it again? I don't think so. Am I nostalgic for that time and those friends? Absolutely.

What a bizarre thing it is to be near the eve of my 39th birthday and find myself on a Saturday night at the mall in the middle of white-bread psuedo suburbia...

So...I have gotten my computer back to where it was, excepting, of course, my email address book. I am at the point where I do not even realize who I am missing. I suppose I will just have to wait until I hear from people and then just re-add them back in.

I feel as if a lot of things are converging right now. My unemployment is about to come to an end, and I am finding myself partial to the easy route of going back to JC Penney. I know that if I am miserable there, I can find something else that is mindless, and that is the current plan. I listed out the pros and cons, and the up side is pretty good. The manager I would work for directly adores me and will hire me back on any terms so I will be able to make my schedule what I want it to be (regardless of the fact that I do not want to have a schedule!!). Also, I am definitely in the top 5% of my field, so I am good at what I do, and I do enjoy it. My boss knows I am good, too, and she is appreciative of the energy I bring to the situation so she lets me sort of do my own thing because she knows I am aware of the boundaries necessitatd working for such a large company.

It is pretty much a win/win situation. Of course this does not mean there is not an element of resignation.