Thursday, September 30, 2004

Chaos and Insanity

Okay, so that title is maybe a little of an exaggeration.

This morning, E gets up, goes to walk, and then is home getting ready for work all before 7 am. As she goes out to leave, there is a Rottweiler puppy in her way.

She first tried to shoo him away, and rather than go away, he takes refuge under her car. She then got the hose in an effort to get him from under her car so she can go to work, but he is planted there firmly.

By this time, I have gotten up to see what the commotion is because Sawyer and Nola have begun the doggie symphony. They do this in the grandest fashion anytime there is a dog in their vision. Anywhere. It is most annoying with just a shred of comedy thrown in on the side.

I went outside and tried to call the pupps out from under the car but to no avail. I tried to explain to him that I was not the mean hose lady, and that it would be okay.

E then got a broom to most gently prod him from under her car, and I told her to go ahead and go to work as I kept him away from her car and then I would call animal control and be on my way shortly after.

I came into the house to look up the number for animal control, and before calling them thought I would take a shower. At this point I was still considering going about my day as planned. 930 yoga, then on to work 12-9.

Here is where the insanity comes in. I am in the shower, and it occurs to me that this dog might be fated to be in my (our) life. Perhaps he is supposed to be here with us. If I call animal control, he goes to the pound, and if not adopted in three days, he would be euthanised. Doesn't he at least deserve three days here, if he chooses us, by the end of which at the very least, we get him to a no kill shelter, or otherwise find him a good home?

I have a strong knowing that his good home is with us. Rex (when *did* he get a name???) is pretty much here to stay by this point.

Number for animal control in hand, I give E a call at work.

E: E speaking.
Me: So, how was the drive to work?
E: Fine. What's going on with that monster dog?(okay, so she did not call him that monster dog...)
Me: Well, now he is under my car.
E: Tell me...
Me: Just tell me I am crazy. Are we supposed to keep him, save him from the pound?
E: Did you see the size of his paws?
Me: I know. He is going to be big. A Rott...BIG...
E: See if he will come out for you and bring him some food and water...

I also explained to E that there was no doggie symphony going on. That was the weirdest part. Sawyer and Nola were sitting in the window, looking out at a strange dog in their yard, and they were wagging their tails with no endless symphony howling. It was a first.

So, earlier, when he was under her car, I said no to food, because I did not want to encourage him to hang around. I got him a dish of food and water and went outside to see if he would leave the safety of under my car. I sat the dishes down and then sat myself down a few feet away. As soon as I sat down, Rex came out to say hi. He took a drink and then came over and lay in my lap for some pets.

After we got acquainted, I decided to see if he would follow me into the back yard. If he was to stay, he needed to be socialized with Sawyer and Nola, and while I did not want to do that in the house, I did want some semblance of control over the situation. He followed me right into the yard and I went inside to get Nola on leash to join him. She is 10 pounds at most, so I knew there would be no issues. They got on famously in an instant.

Sawyer, however, has issues. Through all the snarling and growling, I see his tail is wagging, so I know it will be okay. Nola has been here more than a year, and they still play this little dominance game daily.

We have spent most of the morning out in the yard together just trying to adapt. I think it is I who have to adjust as they are all just following their instinctive natures. At the moment, Sawyer is laying here next to me and Nola is at the back door while Rex is out in the yard. I will not let him inside until after we get to the vet this afternoon. I am still somewhat amazed that Sawyer is being so accepting, and that he is quiet.

I even saw Rex try to get into the crate we have outside ready for bulk trash tomorrow. I guess we still have it for a reason.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

New classes

This six week session of yoga, I decided I would be a yoga maniac and plan to attend all classes that crossed my schedule. The last six week session I made a commitment to attend three classes a week with consistency. One of the things I realized in doing this was that I was moving to another stage within my body and my ability.

Last week was the first of the new session and I mad it to 4 classes. This week, I think I will make it to 5. It really is a feeling of insanity, but I feel so good after class, and I think that the extra yoga is in part responsible for this new surge in my energy and sleep balance.

I suppose by the end of the six week session I might have other ideas, but the potential is there for something grand.

Sunday, September 26, 2004

Coming soon to a newstand near you

The next issue of Emerald Pillows will be out during the next week. We took an informal hiatus and it seems we are back full force. I am feeling particularly motivated about it lately. We are changing it a little here and there, sort of refining the vision, and making it as full of content as possible. This might make the publication schedule a little less regular, but I think it will work nicely for what we are trying to accomplish. One of our friends is going to help us set it up as an official non-profit so we can apply for grants to make it something bigger than what we can afford. The extreme view of the grant side would be a big enough grant to make E and I paid employees of Lesbian Underground Press. But let's not spin this fantasy out of control quite yet.

It's all good.

Friday, September 24, 2004

not so bad

So, the previous two nights I got less than three hours. This makes last night's 5 hours seem an eternity. The gilded lining to be found is that I am not dragging ass and feeling the lack of sleep.

Today is day three for work and I am up rather early which means I might feel as if I have accomplished things today. It also means there is plenty of time to hit Starbucks on the way to work, as if that was ever an issue!

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

So maybe it wasn't the caffeine

I went to bed at 11 with E, had raucous-should-have-exhausted-me-into-sleep sex, and here I am wide fucking awake.

I have been working on EP, so all is not lost. In fact, this pattern of less sleep is how it was born in the first place, so it is portent of something good.

Sing it Chaka.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

The eve of 2 a.m.

I guess that is when it is. What a fabulous rain storm I would have missed had I been asleep. I wonder if this is something other than the Pepsi. There are times when I am optimally functional on 4-5 hours sleep for months at a time. Could be this is the onset of one of those times. I consider this only because I have never felt this from Pepsi.

Not even the Mexican Pepsi, which I would definitely be overindulging in if I could freaking find it.

I have been contemplating profound thoughts lately, yet when I set out to journal them, they dissipate. Must need more brew time.

Make mine anything but Pepsi

I love me some Pepsi, yes I do.

Several years ago, the first time I ever really lost any quantity of weight, I did so by simply eliminating Pepsi from my diet. Actually, I went cold turkey and drank no beverage other than water, and a lot of it. If it was a liquid entering my body, it was water.

That sounds as if I gave up a lot, but the reality of it was that the only thing other than water that I drank at the time, was Pepsi. So in giving it up, I cut a six pack of sugar (or quite often, more) out of my day. In three months of water as the only beverage, I managed to lose about 30 pounds. This was my first conscious aha moment about my weight.

Currently, I have not been a Pepsiholic for several years. I have gained a sort of control over it and if I really want one, I have one. Occasionally, a six pack finds its way into my shopping cart, and when this happens I have no problem seeing it in the fridge, and still have it only when I really want one.

Tonight was such a night, and as I was also feeling somewhat salty crunchy, I went to KFC and got some Popcorn Chicken and a medium Pepsi.

That was at 9 pm.

I can distinctly remember saying in conversation to someone how even with all the Pepsi I used to drink, I never had a caffeine jolt from it.

Tonight, that changes.

I am feeling like the first time I had that black currant tea from Cost Plus at bedtime and was then up and pinging until 5 am and then up again at 7 am ready to take on the world.

Maybe I will have a productive day at work tomorrow.

Speaking of work, I have accepted a receptionist position at the salon. Unfortunately for the few clients I have managed to cultivate, this means I will no longer be doing hair. This still all hinges on the current receptionist and when she decides to leave, which is currently after Christmas.

I can still change my mind if I suddenly see a market boon, but the salon I am in has a high ethnic market, which means if you do not do African American hair, you do not build. I do AA hair, but not relaxers. It is a bit of a catch 22 in that if I did more relaxers, I would gain the comfort needed to do them with confidence, and this salon could afford that possibility. But, this salon has a client base who does not want white stylists. Yes, I have heard it first hand from clients on the phone as well as in the chair. Blatant discrimination, but nothing to be done about it. Except take the receptionist position.

It's all good.

Monday, September 20, 2004

Pretty painless

I went to a satellite branch of the tax assessor's office today to transfer the title of the jeep and also to renew the registration. $97.30 later, the deed is done. The registration itself was $53, there was a gift tax of $25, and the rest was administrative fees. As said in the title of this entry, it was a relatively painless process, and the jeep is officially mine.

If you are interested in following the transformation of the wasband;s jeep into my art car, you can follow on the Emerald Pillows website linked to the right. E has sanded and primed her hood, and mine is next.

Is it mine yet?

Today is the day of transferring the title to the Jeep.

Life is an adventure.

Saturday, September 18, 2004

Shopping delight

We went to the mall today to get one last little present for my birthday. It is from Z Gallerie, and looks like this .

While at that end of the mall, we also went into J.Jill to drool a little over all the clothes we either cannot at the moment afford, or will never (or nor any time soon) be fitting us. For shits and grins,. I tried on a divine feeling sweater and what do you know, an XL, that is an XL in a regular sized grrly store, fit me. I was beyond amazed. If I did not have to renew my hair license, I would have bought it on the spot.

There was also a skirt there which was a good coordinating piece for my wardrobe and the sweater, but I managed great restraint.

Then, on the way out of the mall, we stopped at Lord & Taylor. They have an extensive plus size department, and carry several upscale designers I like. There was a lined suede blazer, rather fitted, so I looked to see if there was a 24 on the rack. Usually, at least in recent history, a 24 will fit, but be something less than flattering, tight on my upper arm, and offering little hope for movement or even ability to breathe.

The largest available was a 22. It fit as if it were tailored for me personally, even buttoned.

I want to go shopping!!!

Thursday, September 16, 2004

And the title has been found

In a moment of wisdom, just before I was about to call the wasband to ask something of him, E called her son and asked if he remembered seeing the title to my jeep anywhere. She told him we were only calling because we were truly desperate.

He told her where he saw it, and that is precisely where it was.


I am so glad I did not have to call the fallen king and ask him to get me a replacement. That would not have gone well as he misremembers a conversation we had in which he thought I agreed to pay for something which he said he would take care of. Voices were raised and the conclusion was me hanging up on him. Not the best note to end on if I have to ask something of him.

Yes, I have learned my lesson and I will consider beginning, again, to build a bridge. HJe just makes it rather difficult.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Most attractive

Sheild your eyes if you come knocking on my door. At the moment, because I am doing laundry and want to wash all my bras and sleeveless shirts, I am lounging and cleaning house in a tank bra. It is quite comfy, but it leaves little if anything to the imagination. And it makes quite the fashion statement paired with some shapeless yoga pants. But as I said, I am comfy.

I decided last week that it is better to do laundry on Monday, but yesterday, I was slugging, totally worn out from my birthday weekend. I woke up this morning at about 830 and went to yoga, so right now I feel very good. I just had a vision of someday actually wearing this yoga get up to yoga. That will be a moment to document, when I feel I look ok enough to wear this out in public.

And speaking of bras, I am at a point where I once again need to go buy new ones. I am not sure if I need to go smaller again, or if I need to just get new ones. The ones I am wearing are far from worn out and threadbare, but there is a bigness to them and it could just be that they are broken in. I might see if there is a way to adjust them which I had not considered.

Living life by following my intuition was the yoga assignment/suggestion today, which I mostly do anyway, so time to scoot.

Monday, September 13, 2004


I am sitting here trting to wwrap my mind around the fact that I have 928 songs on my Dell DJ, and space, supposedly, for 9000. This means I have a shitload of expansion room. I am at the tail end of ripping stuff I want on from our cd livbrary. There are a few songs that would not rip clean due to cd abuse, and I should have kept a running list, but I suppose the ones I really miss I can buy online.

Today shall be a slugg day I think as the birthday weekend was quite full and now I need to rest. And do laundry.

Saturday, September 11, 2004

Out and about

I was awakened this morning by forty kisses for my fortieth birthday, from Nola, my MinPin.

It was about 8 AM and E told me she was going to walk and we were leaving the house by 10 AM. I did not know where we were going, but she said shorts and a sleeveless shirt or anything comfy was fine. We started out on Beltway 8 heading North and I knew then we were either going to Austin or to the races. As we ramped over to 290, I knew it was Austin.

Austin is just a two hour drive and it is something we have vowed to do more often. Our first stop is usually Dairy Queen on the way, but the love bugs were so bad on the windsheild, we had to stop at a service station to clean the glass with a squeegee. Dairy Wueen came about 15 minutes later.

Once in Austin, we headed straight to Book Woman. It is a feminist/women's book store and it has been there for about 25 years. It is always our first stop once we blow into Austin, and may it always exist. They have a used book section as well as a hefty lesbian selection.

I found two used books, All Good Women by Valerie Miner, and The Dog Collar Murders by Barbara Wilson. The Wilson book might give me a complete selection of her works and she is an author I really like. Her books always make me want to travel to the locale she is writing about.

Actually, I found three other books I would have liked, too, but I also wanted to get a Book Woman t-shirt, so I opted for just getting two books. I could have gotten more, but we are trying to be good to have more spending money on our Thanksgiving vacation.

I did not really do more than browse the new lesbian fiction because I did not want to be pouty and I know we will go back soon, maybe next month.

So I got two books, a t-shirt, and a new small silver hoop earring with rainbow rings (a nice combination of obvious and discreet), and I also got several new rainbow stickers for the car, which I officially decided today will become an art car. Buddha mobile. E also got a rainbow yin yang for her car and we got a rainbow collar for Nola which is about an inch wide. Flashy.

After we went to Book Woman, we went to Tesoros Trading Company ( It is an import store with a lot of artsy stuff, so much so that we were on visual overload. I got a lot of little things there, mostly mini Buddhas and stuff to use on my retablo and figures for my alter.

From Tesoros we headed to El Sol y La Luna, a lesbian owned Mexican restaurant. They offer free wifi and have art displayed on the walls gallery style. Nice.

I think we might make a trip every month or so to get better acquainted with the city.

Tomorrow, I have been informed, we leave at 545 AM to hit Galveston!!

Friday, September 10, 2004

The last day of my 39th year

Work today was steady and productive, not overwrought, not snlail slow. Perhaps this is a sign on the eve of my fortieth birthday that perhaps it will be a good year(workwise). Of course, 39 was a good year, so I am not complaining.

I got cards today from my mom, my pseudo-sissy Brenda, my neice Crystal and my friend CJ(who included a book with her card woohoo!!!). Many thanks to you all, though I cringe at the thought of my mom and Brenda reading this blog, therefore thanks to them is rather rhetorical. My mom's letter had a pic of my dad and a $50 check, always welcome, and the following text:

"Put 9-11 in the back of your mind and never forget.

But in the forfront of all your thinking know that on Sept. 11, 1964

a bundle of joy and delight brightened our door.

In your future always remember to put your many talents to good use for yourself and all womankind.
Love Mom--

P.S. I just was reading this over and it almost sounds like preaching. Or maybe I should get to work and
get that book started."

In the past year I sent my mother some pretty esoteric Zen type cards, and it would seem they have had some effect. I am in some sort of shock over this message. It is perhaps the most intimate thing ever expressed to me from my mother. And it only took 40 years!!

Thursday, September 09, 2004

If only I knew then?

For the past few weeks, I have been having dreams of my life as it is now, in the setting of my home town and surroundings. It is rather disconcerting. I am positive I have no desires to live further north agair. The only way I would be able to live in Lake Placid again would be if I were to have substantial means. Money enough to have a driver in winter, and no need to have to face the elements unless I choose to.

The people I am still friendly with have been in these dreams as well as family members who live scattered around. It is certainly reminiscent of a family of choice. It feels like it means something, but that escapes me.

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Houston Women's Festival

I just got an email with the lineup so far for this year's festival. (That's since it seems I cannot make the link work) I think I really want to see the duo Zrazy from Ireland. Heard a lot about them but have never heard them. Last year, I was supposed to go with a friend who came for the weekend and it was rained out for the most part. It was some of the heaviest rain I have seen since moving to Houston, and it was also the first year for the festival to be at a downtown outdoor only location.

Trying, trying again.

Precisely why

I just put some Amy Grant on my Dell DJ. This is precisely why iy is a good thing for E and I to have hers and hers DJs.


Some weirdness is playing out in my head. Definitely deciding to do something then just as readily doing something completely different. It is something beyond wishy-washy. Beyond unfocused. Something akin to doing my own thing with the consequences falling as they may, yet also doing nothing at all.

I wish I could say it is merely following my path as it unfolds, but it feels as if there is a dense fog obscuring the way.

Simultaneous's all good.

Monday, September 06, 2004


I really hate that a voice mail from my wasband can make me feel like crap. The day before Connor went home, we had a conversation, in part about him needing glasses. My wasband said he would take care of it. I told him I had taken C to the eye Dr. and he had a copy of the prescription. I then told him I did not have the $$ to get him glasses, but that I could send half on my next payday. He said not to worry, he would take care of it. So today he says he is holding me to paying for the glasses in full as I said I would and that he will be calling me back and he is not letting this go. I am so sick of his crap. What part of having full custody dies he not understand?

This all gives me regrets that I sent Connor home. I should have kept him here. If he is talking to me in this manner, I can only presume he speaks to Connor in the same way. No one should have to be spoken to this way.

431 tracks and counting

Yes, we really like our Dell DJs. I am not sure how many songs E has on hers, but we developed a system so that we would not be ripping the same songs and thus duplicating each other's efforts. And if the system fails, oh well...

We went on Saturday to Surfside where our friends Beth and Irina had their commitment ceremony. They rented a beach house there which slept 28, so yes, it was quite comfy. Beth had told me it would take about an hour and a half to get threre, so for the six pm ceremony, we planned to leave at four. We could have gone down earlier during the day, but since we were staying overnight, we did not want to be there earlier to be drinking that much longer.

We were less than 5 miles from the place when traffic came to an abrupt stop. We saw fire and rescue vehicles passing us, and we could see ahead to where all the lights were flashing. After about twenty minutes, a trooper drove by and said "Hour wait, no way around."

We decided to go back down the road to find somewhere to have a beer for the wait. At Country Cafe, we shared an order of fries with ranch dressing. They were so good, we shared a second order, and all the while had three beers each. So much for not drinking early. This pretty much killed our hour wait, so we drove back toward Surfside.

We had already called Beth to tell her of the wait and that we would see her eventually.

We got almost as far as we had been initially, and traffic was diverted to the left where people were pulled off the side of the road waiting. There was some water where fish were jumping, and it was about seven by this time, so lovely twilight and cool enough with a breeze for the windows to be down. I could look out my window and see the emergency workers as they did their thing.

While watching the scene untangle, I managed to tangle my fingers up inder the leg of E's shorts and help her in her efforts to relax with the seat back and her eyes closed. Once my true point of meaning for the day was accomplished, I saw the fire truck leaving and told E to get turned around and in line at the light. About 10 minutes later, we were on our way. We arrived at the party at about eight thirty, and learned that yes, we had missed the ceremony, which we had already figured. Then I saw that everyone had already had cake so I thought we missed dinner, too. No, the caterers had been stuck in traffic, too. They did not arrive til around ten pm.

Three beers waiting in traffic, followed by three glasses of champagne and chocolate cake, followed eventualy be innumerable cups of Shiner Bock(still having a hard time rationalizing that I drank Shiner!), and finally some fajitas and more Shiner, at about one am we went to bed.

Somehow, we got the pull out couch in the living room, so when we were awake at 8, actually, I think E was awake way earlier, we decided to head home for some real sleep.

All in all, it was an adventure.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004


I feel as if all my time at the computer is currently spent ripping CDs. I suppose that is a good thing, but I do not think that I will ever be done. And in addition, E has ordered her own Dell DJ, so there might be some competition for the use of the computer once hers arrives. Well, not really. We share nicely.

I think the energy of the drama last week with a blog I had linked is finally gone. What a hostile woman she was. She was put out that I linked her but that I do not know her. It was bizarre. And she mistakes her hostility for wit. And she is majorly stuck in her ego. Must stop thinking less than charitable thoughts so the energy remains gone.

Time to meditate.