No, not up late...not really...

I went to bed about 11 and was up at 137 this morning.

sigh.

I am awake and raring to go, but not much to do that won't wake E. I know if I go sit and read I might fall back to sleep, just in time for the alarm to go off. I also know that when I am awake like this it is better to just stay up.

I think this afternoon, E is coming to meet me out at work at 3 and we will get a few things ala JCP. Then we are going to Slick Willie's to shoot some New Year's Eve pool. Not sure that we will be there til the witching hour, but we will have some fun for sure.

Ithe decision is pretty firm to get an iBook, and if all goes as anticipated, I might actually have it by this time next week. As soon as I am supposed to have it, I will.

I finished my final holday project at work last night. It is a meditation wrap for my yogi and I just need to add a little fringe, which I will do at work today. Getting that done means I can tackle some of the books on my 'to read' shelf.

Wahoooooooooooooo!

New schedule weirdness

I switched position from stylist to receptionist in the salon, and already there is a pay increase, so it is definitely a good thing. I think the challenge is going to be getting used to a flexible schedule. As a stylist, my schedule was always the same week to week.

Last week I worked 21 hours, this weel 25, next week 36, then 3 weeks of 17 hours. 17 will be my minimum and once the receptionist I am replacing gets married, I will settle in to a solid 25 or so hours a week. I think that will be the end of February. The 17 hour weeks might pick up hours as she needs to do wedding stuff as well.

In general, rather than 9 or 10 hour days, it is 5-7 hour days, with most days being just 5 or 6 hours. My boss has been very considerate in letting me work a schedule around the yoga classes, so that is definitely a plus. This next 6 week session of yoga which starts Jan 3, I will be able to go to 4-5 classes a week. It's gonna kick my ass a little after a three week break, but I am committed to getting to every class I can.

I just went through and extended out my calendar for the next 6 weeks. In ink.

I also hope the next few weeks brings a new laptop so i can get writing appointments on my calendar again too. Outlook good.

iBook G4

My neice got one of these for xmas and is loving it. I am really missing my laptop lately and will soon be able to replace it. Any one wanting to weigh in on the mac/pc debate with advice, please comment.

Last night was the first annual WTXB. There were 7 of us in all and we had a pretty nice time. I am thinking that this should be an annual event. Next year we have been invited to Dallas for xmas, so perhaps it will be come a Solstice or New Year's buffet. Lots to consider in making the decision.

My wings were falling off the bone. I finally realized that the stock produced from the roasting process is liquid gold and should not be poured down the drain. There are 4 cups of it sitting in the fridge and I am not sure if I will make a soup with it, or if I will use it for a chicken and rice pot.

Everything else was damn good, too, and there are plenty of leftovers to nibble on today. The Edward's chocolate sundae pie remains in the freezer forgotten, though I might go get a slice for breakfast. Or maybe that is for a late dessert.

Chicken is in the oven

I am glad I listened to my body and got up early as the chicken was frozen solid. I got it at Costco on Wednesday and did not notice the package was frozen. I got a mega pack of wings and a mega pack of legs. They are all crammed into a turkey roaster with lots-o-seasoning and covered to roast a few hours as stage one of the process.

The cooking meditation continues as soon as I stop procrastinating online this morning.

I need to make:
Onion Dip (not lipton's)
Yams (not canned)
Beanie Weanies
Mac n Cheese
Pigs in Blankets
Pork Tenderloin
Mashed Potatoes

I think that is the tentative order of things yet to be done, and the invasion for the WTXB is set for tonight around 7:30. A houseful of lesbians, oh my.

Oh. Happy Holidays.

productive morning already...

So the choice is to hit the grocery store in the morning before work, or after work around 5. Hmmm....the grocery store at 5 pm on xmas eve. You know my practical ass fought my slugg ass (a little bit of virgo kicked in) and i went to the store this morning at 6:45. I was home by 730 and Alonzo the yard man is here, so the groceries are sitting out in the car. It is certainly cold enough that it's no problem.

As I was walking out the door, I realized I had not crated the dogs. They went out to pee at 5:30 and then went back to bed. None of them budged when I took my shower. Wrecks and Nola usually head to their crates when I am drying my hair or brushing my teeth, and on occasion as early as when I put my deoderant on. No one had moved and I was on my way out the door. I decided to leave them out and see what happens since I knew I would be home pretty quickly.

Then I get home and see Alonzo unloading his truck. Shit. Fuck.

The dogs were good and they earned another time left out when we do a quickie trip away, but only if they are peaceful upon exit. Time will tell.

Nola has been through this process once already and had freedom for a while, but proved herself something less than worthy. She is getting a little older so maybe it is time to give her another shot. Sawyer has earned life as an uncrated dog. He only goes into the crate if he snaps at a guest. The only one he really snaps at is Bobby, our nephew who is three. We crate him now when Bobby is here so there is no drama, and mostly so Bobby is not traumatized or maybe so Sawyer is not traumatized.

Time to put up groceries. Then, off to work 11-4. Then E will be home!! Yea!!!!

where you girlfriend?

I went tonight to the Ambassador for sizzling rice soup and shrimp dumplings. As I walked in, the owner, Wendy asked, "Where you girlfriend? She not sick?"

Then three of the waitresses proceeded to stop by the table and ask, "Why you eat alone?"

E is missed by more than just me.

The brother vibe

Surely the brother vibe is still working. I am not quite sure exactly how to describe it. I no longer flirt with men, but black men in particular, certainly still flirt with me. Perhaps Papu has sent out a general memo that I have been promiscuous with negroes.

When E asks me what it's all about, I can only tell her that in my experience, black men like thick grrls. ANd having great legs is a plus. Oh, and let's not forget the tits. Or the fact that I can be sorta cute. But the key, in my experience, is that I am a thick grrl.

E called me at work on Tuesday to tell me the appraiser was coming on Wednesday and gave me his number to call him to arrange a time. She said that the brother vibe could be an asset. I told her I would be sure to give him good phone.

I set up the time for 8-10 Wednesday morning as that was his first choice, and I would then not have to change any of my other plans for my only day off before xmas. I gave Davis my best sultry phone voice, and even though it was just a phone call, I had a sense of strictly business from him, very matter-of-fact. Either that, or my brother vibe was seriously rusty. I just don't intentionally use it anymore.

Davis arrived by 9, and immediately, I saw that there was nothing wrong with the brother vibe. Davis was in his 50s. That in itself would not be a factor. He had his daughter with him. Either she is teen years and on school holiday, or maybe early 20s andlearning the business from dad. In short, he is a respectable family man. Just not the type of negro one can be promiscuous with I guess.

The rest of my day yesterday was totally on goddess time. three days before xmas and I was expecting my day to be shadowed by chaos.

I went to lunch with Beth at Pappasito's and Megan came along. I haven't seen her in a while, so that was nice. After lunch I had foour stops in mind. Sloan/Hall, Whole Foods, Body, Bath & More, and Costco.

SLoan/Hall carries a lot of designer jewelry, and I can always find something I like there. They also have a lot of high end luxury candles, fragrances and bath products. Their selection of books is quirky at best, and they have some eclectic cds available that I definitely want, but they are mostly imports, so pricey. It's safe to say it is in general, a pricey foofy store. But, I love it.

Sloan/Hall also has an interesting assortment of greeting cards. One line in particular is clitter accented, and I usually choose one of them for E's xmas card. Any time I need a special occasion card, I get it at Sloan'Hall.
Three days before xmas, their selection sucks. I did get one. I don't like it.

On the way to S/H, I realized I passed Whole Foods. Cross that right off the list. I am going there tonight. I just need to pick up some pork tenderloin for our cozy little intimate xmas eve dinner. I am going to preset the table tomorrow morning so that even if E makes it home before I get home from work, she is surprised. I might even pick her up a bottle of wine. Good plan. I guess the surprise is compromised if she reads the blog while in Dallas, but too bad.

My next stop was Body, Bath & More. They are a small candle boutique in Rice Village shops. Another foofy store that I adore. I needed to pick up some Circle E candles. I knew thay have a website, but I just googled them for the first time. I am surprised to see they are a little cheaper where I shop. Support local merchants!! I got a few new fragrances and a few I know we like. I really could do some damage in that store.

My final stop was at Costco. I really wanted a tin of their chocolate dipped cookies for the holiday. I was going to get one when I was there over the weekend, but I did not want them to be dogged before xmas. Sold out. Oh well. I guess I just need to bake some more cookies tonight.

Maybe I will go bake now before work. Perfect.

Tink...

For those not in the know, that was the sound of a pin dropping. It is very quiet in the house tonight. So far. E and the boy went to Big D for a few nights to visit some family pre-holiday. They are returning on Friday, but it seems very far away at the moment.

I went tonight to see Beth and Irina for haircuts. Beth got a nice outdoor fire pit for her 15 year anniversary at work, so the inaugural fire was tonight and we sat out on the porch to enjoy that. It was rather comical to see Beth stacking sawed off 2x4 remnants from the recent closet remodel they did. All the while, she was crumbling up torn off yellow pages from an old phone book. I had to take my chuckles back because Beth actually managed to produce a nice little blazing fire.

After leaving there, I went be Barnes and Noble for some little gifties I had coupons for there, and then I came on back home.

I thought tomorrow was going to be a productive yet sluggish day at home cleaning and what not, but that is not the case. There is an appraiser coming by between 8 and 10 in the morning. I am meeting Beth for lunch at Pappasito's at 11:30. I then have to go to Rice Village for some candles. And finally, I have a visiting client in town who is coming for a haircut at 530ish. Of the entire day, Rice Village will be the challenge.zoo does not begin to describe how it will be driving and parking down there. If it goes at all close to smoothly, I might hit the grocery store on the way home in prepration for the WTXB.

So much for slugging.

Frank ROCKS!!

We have heat! We still have to make a $300 repair in January, but Frank wired the fan direct so that it runs all the time. That way as we need heat, it can be given. The caveat is that we cannot run the a/c until the repair is made. 70 degree days forecast next week, but we can be naked if necessary, or rather I can be as E will be out of town a few days up in Dallas. Where it is cold.

Franks did not need to help us out as he did. I told him yes, we reeeeeeeally appreciate it. Then I asked him if he was a cookie man or a cake man. Lucky for him there is a baked goods surplus in the freezer. He is a cookie man. As his van is still parked out front, I'd wager he is a snacking at this moment cookie man.

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

It's 60 fucking degrees. Inside.

I can be such a whiner. Last night, we discovered there is something wrong with the heat and a/c. There is a tech on the way, and the entire system is just 2 years old, but the $72 service call is all that can be paid for before January. Layers. And more layers. Hopefully it will be something under warrannnty, but I think there is stil a labor charge involved.

happyfuckingholidays...

Can you use me more hours at work? I really just want to be somewhere warm. Of course, that is not at work because it is always fucking cold in there.

I called my mom to feel out her charge card situation. If her card was anything less than maxxed, she would have volunteered it. She didn't. If it is something minor, I might call and ask my aunt. If it is really minor, I should have a xmas check from my folks in the next day or so which is for $100.

Sigh.

Po-ou-ound-cake...(Listen to the song a la Van Halen in the first Sammy Hagar incarnation, really loundly, after a few beers)

When my ex-mother-in-law makes this, she is very particular about how the ingredients are mixed. Being a next generation chef, I don't really give a shit, and E says the cake kicks ass.

2 sticks butter, softened
3 cups sugar
1 cup sour cream
6 eggs
3 cups flour
1/2 tsp baking soda
2 tsp vanilla

Rules
Add flour and baking soda after all wet ingredients to avoid over mixing the batter. This produces a batter that does not get tough when baked.

Fold in the vanilla last. Just because I said so.

Preheat oven to 325 degrees F.

Grease and flour tube pan.

Batter is very thick and will need to be spread evenish on top. Do not bang the cake pan on the counter to level it.

Bake 1 hour 20 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. Let cake rest in pan about 10 mins before removing.

Glaze with confectioner's suger glaze after cooling completely.

Mmmm, mmmm good...

Experimenting in the kitchen

I made some cinnamon cookies. If you have ever traveled by air, it is likely you have had my inspiration cookie, the Biscoff. They are crunchy and loaded with cinnamon.

My chocolate chip cookies are pretty crunchy. I use the basic Toll House recipe with a few minor tweaks to make it my own. They are decadent and one is usually enough to satisfy anyone's sweet tooth.

For the first cinnamon experiment, I used the dough part of the Toll House recipe without adding any chips or nuts. I then added two tablespoons of cinnamon. Drop by teaspoonful onto a cookie sheet. Bake at 375 til seemingly done. I rarely time anything.

They were very good. I also took a few and sandwiched some fat free Cool Whip in between them and stuck them on the freezer shelf. Woo.

I think tomorrow will be another baking day. I will decide before yoga what to bake so I can pick up any needed ingredients on the way home.

In other news, tonight I spoke to the wasband. I managed to be very matter of fact without raising my voice once. I was interested in telling him about Aunt Patty's plan and nothing more. He seemed rather receptive and then had the nerve to ask me if I sent xmas gifts for our son yet. Even though that really pissed me off, I remained quite calm.

He said: Did you send his presents?
I said: I have not gotten anything to send yet and will not get paid again until 12/24.
H: Oh, so it will be late.
I: (unimaginably calm and cool) Well, I am still not sure. You know, the last time I spoke to him was 3 days before his birthday (October when he turned 14), and I do not even know if he got that gift. Then my dad said he still has not cashed the check that he sent either. So neither of us is sure if we send something that he gets it or if it is still a good address since it is no longer a good phone number.
H: Why would the address not be good?
I: Well, when he was here visiting this summer, he was on the phone with your "ladyfriend" (yes, I said it with the sarcasm the quotes imply, but only because when my son called her that, he put finger quotes around it in the air, so I suppose I was less than calm for a brief moment) and he asked her if she had his room at her place ready yet.
H: Oh. No the address is still good.
H: He said he called you recently.
I: Well, yes. He called on Thanksgiving but I was out of the service area of my cell phone. So when he said call me back at this number, the number was not captured leaving me with no way to contact my son for the past two months now.
H: No cell service?
I: Yeah, I was on vacation in California. (Silence.) With Elizabeth. (More silence.) It was great, thanks for asking.
H: I'll have him call you.
I: Thanks. Click.

The holiday baking has begun

E has an ambitious list of peeps to send cookies to, so the baking has begun. Tonight I made chocolate chip with pecan. Tomorrow I think I will make chocolate chip sans pecans, and maybe a cinnamon pecan cookie. I am also considering doing some sort of spiced nuts and some fudge, though I might let the fudge wait til next week.

In addition to the cookies, I need to make some pound cakes. I still need to figure out how many of those I need to make. One I need for the work xmas party which is next Friday. I also need one for Alonzo the yard man. Maybe just one more to have some here in the freezer.

I think I might look at the big cookie cookbook tomorrow and try to find a new cookie recipe to try. I know there is a recipe in Sarah McLachlan's cookbook for Writer's Block Cookies, so I might look that up too.

And tonight, the words noodle kugel came up in conversation. That means looking through The Jewish Cookbook again.

Sometimes I just love my family

I just had a chat conversation with my Aunt Patty. The cool aunt. You know the one, you know she must be your real birth mother because she is just so way cooler than you think your mom is, likely just because she is younger. And way cool. Never mind that she might have been really too young to have you herself. But oh, the potential for family scandal.

Aunt Patty is just great. No reaction when I had my first child (at 20) unmarried. No reaction when I married a black man (at 24). No reaction when I divorced (at 32). No reaction when I announced I was a lesbian (at34, though I knew at 29). No reaction when a month later, I moved to TX to be with Dear Sweet Elizabeth who I had only known online a few months. She really is that great.

Tonight in our chat she was asking what my youngest son's plans were for the holiday. I told her as far as I knew, he was staying in VA. She wants to go pick him up and take him to NY to see my folks and his brother. They need to see each other, she said. She also said they could even squeeze in a visit to his other grandmother.

Aunt Patty is the greatest...

Yes I still want to keep him...

Wrecks (official name change going into effect) was extremely restless last night. He just wanted on the bed, but I am determined (at least not ready to give up) to keep him off the bed at night because he is just...too...big. He has a lovely old couch cushion which is acceptable to Sawyer, but for Wrecks it is either too lumpy, or just not big enough.

At about 330 in the morning, I decided E needed to get *some* sleep, so Wrecks and I went out to the living room. I was reasonably settled in and half asleep before Wrecks decided to get on the couch with me. I was mostly on my back, and Wrecks was eyeing a spot between my legs and the back of the couch.

In the process of vaulting his slightly less than coordinated 60 pound puppy self over my legs, he actually stepped on my knee directly with all his weight. Let's just call him Graceless. I sat up straight with my knee still hyper-extended, and for a moment thought something might need medical attention. The knee was not moving.

Slowly but surely, I got some bend back into my knee, only to be met by a killer charlie horse in my calf. I have some shapely rock hard calves going on, and when a charlie horse decides to visit, it is usually staying for a while.

Today, all seems well enough. There is a little bit of sensation in my knee if I move a certain way, but otherwise, business as usual.

Wrecks will be getting a lovely new bed, maybe as early as Wednesday night, definitely by Friday. Costco has a nice big one that is a tapestry fabric on one side and a faux lambswool on the other for around $20.

Now to refine the rest of the Costco list.

New Sunday breakfast run

We have for some time done a breakfat run on Sunday morning which consisted of a stop at Olde Town Kolache Factory for a ranchera kolache and then a stop at Starbucks for chai. Not too long ago we tried Bagel World rather than the kolache place.

Bagel World is close to home, but the energy of the place really sucks. The selection at noonish on Sunday really sucks, too, since they close at 1. There is a place for bagels inside the loop called Hot Bagel Shop and they really do have the best bagels I have had since moving to Houston. It is just a 20 minute ride, but when I think about it, that seems excessive just for a bagel. After Bagel World, I decided that when I am feeling like a bagel on Sunday morning, I just won't think about it and I will go to Hot Bagel Shop.

Yesterday I decided the new regular Sunday morning breakfast run would be to Starbucks and then La Madeleine for a pastry. Both close to the house and very convenient, but more importantly, both very tasty.

I used to take Nola on the breakfast run with me and we would hit a Starbucks with a drive through. They would pass me a lid filled with whipped cream for her and she would happily lap it up. If E goes with me, Nola stays home. E does not get the lid of cream though. How sad.

On Friday night we went to the lesbian social event of the season. There is a woman who sends out a weekly lesbian social calendar and organizes a lesbian happy hour twice a month. She then throws a Xmas party for 300 of her 'close and personal friends', the women on the email list. There is a $20 entry fee and proceeds go to a local charity. The entry fee gets you an open bar and heavy hors d'oeuvres. An open bar tends to make the lesbian community here in Houston something less than appealing. Or maybe they are just like this on a regular basis. Either way, it is rather disappointing. E said, "Is this our audience for EP?"

Unfortunately, the answer is sort of yes.

Back among the living

This morning I am feeling as if I am finally sliding out of vacation mode. Nice time for the transition as tomorrow morning I have to head back to work. Three weeks more as a hair stylist, and then on to the next transition, to the position of receptionist. That's nine whole days of hairdoing. Not really an ugh factor, but I am just ready to put the scissors to bed. Before I left for vacation, I sent out the notice to my clients that 12/17 will be my last day as a stylist, so hopefully, it will be 9 busy days in the salon.

Last night E and I had occasion to meet Beth and Nerdstar. We went to Book Woman in Austin for a reading by Susan Stinson from her latest novel Venus of Chalk. Five links in one sentence, and three of those links are daily reads for me, so it was a lovely evening. I have been reading Susan's blog for more than a year now, so it was nice to meet her. Her energy is so very gracious and her achievements as a writer, primarily being published, were very inspiring. I bought her first two books, Fat Girl Dances With Rocks and Martha Moody, on a previous trip to Book Woman after I began reading her blog. I wanted to get Venus of Chalk sooner, but at the hint that she might be doing a Texas reading I decided to wait.

I learned about the reading before we went on vacation and I asked E if it would be too much to try to do so soon after vacation because of her crunch at work to get her magazine out and play catch up. She is always so quick to indulge me these whims, "Oh, a 2 and a half hour drive is not at all a problem", she gave me a solid sure when I first suggested it.

Once I confirmed with E that her first day back was going smoothly enough, I called Beth and let her know the plan. Leave Houston by three, hit Austin at 530, meet for dinner, then go to the reading. I had previously mentioned this to her and she said she and Nerdstar should be free to meet and join us.

We actually got there closer to 6, but we had a great meal at Austin Java. I had the avocado and crawfish salad and a cup of the roasted chicken soup. Just the right amount of zip, and pretty cheap. And let's not forget oodles of intelligent conversation!! The reading was right across the street, so it was also a convenient spot to dine.

And the tattoo she gave me! It is a stylized Om symbol. 

Rocio! 

From the mural project on Balmy St (or maybe Ave)

Sunset view from Coit Tower 

The birds are so friendly.  

We did not do Alcatraz this trip, but we could see it from the GGB as well as here from Fisherman's Wharf. 

We even spread our lesbian cheer throughout Muir Woods. 

Muir Woods. Bought the t-shirt. This redwood forest has nicely groomed pathways that are manageable and for anyone and very serene. We walked amidst these giant redwoods for an hour or so. 

At the Golden Gate Bridge. 

I can't believe I am publishing this pic, but it is right before the ocean came to claim my feet. Never turn your back on the ocean! 

While in San Francisco, we drove over to the beach so I could see the Pacific. The beach we walked had loads of sand dollar pieces. This one is the biggest I found. 

She is just so fucking cute in her new reading glasses!

Whirlwind

What a vacation we had. After yesterday's 13 hour journey home, starting at midnight CA time and ending at 3 in the afternoon TX time, I was gaining my second wind. But not enough to blog anything about it. Just enough to jump online and clean out my mail.

I am going to wait to blog the details with some pics gathered along the way, not all 230 of them, just a select 10% maybe. We flew into San Francisco via Oakland airport on Thursday the 18th. Our first three nights was at Ethel's Garden, a lesbian owned b & b in the Castro. From there we drove around all of San Francisco and surrounding areas. We went up to the Muir Woods and walked through an awesome redwood forest. We walked our asses off even though we had a car. Everyone said no car in SF, but we really took advantage of having it and drove a lot.

One of the little jaunts was to a lesbian owned, women operated tattoo parlor. Yep, I got another tattoo on my ankle. Rocio was so very sweet and talented. If you click on the artist link at the tattoo link in the last sentence you can see Rocio and some of her work.

After getting the tattoo, we drove up the coast via HWY 1 to Mendocino. Think of seeing Sheryl Crow's 'Every Day Is A Winding Road' as it unfolds before you. The drive on a more direct route takes three hours. HWY 1 took us about five and a half hours. No cell service to call and say we were running late. But beautiful coastal and woodsy driving.

In Mendocino we stayed at Sallie and Eileen's Place. There is so much to say about this place. Over the past 15+ years, more than 6000 women have stayed. We were totally lost in women's energy and it was fabulous. In a cabin. Fireplace burning. In the woods. Lovely.

We had considered from what everyone advised that it might be a rainy blah vacation, but the sun was shining all day with clear skies every day of our trip. The last full day, Thanksgiving, was misty rainy, but it seemed quite appropriate and in itself, it was equally beautiful.

Glad to be home, new adventures coming soon.

On Vacation

WooHooooooooooo....

Back 11/26

Listening

KPFT is in the second week of their semi annual fund drive. My friend Hitaji's show, Earth 101 is currently on the radio. There are accasionally topics she brings out that I either just don't get, or in some way disagree with, but in her heart and soul, Hitaji is a healer and I have a lot of respect for her.

I was going to call in a pledge last week, but it is really difficult when you want to do so much more than what you know you can afford. For the past couple of years, I have done a basic membership of $35. I was discussing with E what is reasonable now, and I think I am going to do a $10 a month sustainer pledge. I rationalize it as a monthly, and again I feel I could likely do more. E's counsel was to do the 10 and then raise it next fund drive if I see that I can. Sound advice.

I have to go call in my pledge.

I heard the owl call my name...

Last night, E came in and told me she wished she had the camera to take a pic of this baby owl she saw in the tree. As the camera is right here in front of me, I pointed to it, and she said it had flown away.

We went back out and she showed me where it was and where she thought it had flown. I asked if she checked the persimmon tree, to which she answered no, because it had flown, she thought, toward the magnolia.

As we walked around the magnolia, sure enough it was there in the persimmon tree. By the time E was back with the camera, the owl was back in the crepe myrtle, where she saw it to begin with. The pic below is the result of her efforts.

It is impossible for me to tell if the owl is a baby or just a small breed of owl. I have never seen one here in Houston otherwise.

The thing it brought to mind for me was when I first got Nola, our Miniature Pinscher. I was subscribed to a MinPin list and one of the members wrote in a warning for owners living in the country with the risks od predatory birds which can swoop down and pluck the little buggers right up. I was wondering if baby owl has a momma nearby stalking little miss Nola.

My second wonder was if it is someone's pet. I still wonder this. I will have to remember to look tonight to see if the owl is in the yard again.

This morning, I have my semiannual cleaning at the dentist's office. I saw a different hygenist this time and she was brutal enough to make me cry. I was careful last time to reschedule with the same person I saw who did not hurt me, but I had to reschedule my appointment because my shcedule at work changed, and since we always rebook with the same person in the salon if a client has to reschedule, it did not occur to me that I might get moved to someone else. I did not realize until near the end of my cleaning that it was a different tech. Same hair color, older, and only y second time at this office. I will never be sitting in that bitch Melanie's chair again.

whoooo 

Annother quiet morning

I went to the Ayurveda Wellness Workshop yesterday and I was quite interested. I think I want to talk to Dr Rob about it more and see what other aspects of it might be more suitable to advance study in, or how he might recommend proceeding. I will see him in January I think for an initial consultation for my personal practice and might then pick his mind about it further.

We went to Eatzi's last night for dinner and for the first time, I was somewhat disappointed. I might even go drop them an email about it. I am not sure how "bad" it was, but I am sure I could do the meal we had better. I told E perhaps the more accomplished I become in the kitchen, the less impressed I am with Eatzi's. The roast pork was tough, the broccoli nearly raw, little flavor in the mac and cheese, but the southwest corn chowder had it going on. I suppose that makes it a wash to some degree.

Tonight we are going to see B and I for haircuts and dinner. B is making manicotti, which is curious as I thought she did not know where the kithen even is so I am anticipating some comedy, though I know she would not offer if it was not to be good.

The weather has taken a turn for the colder the past few days. On Wednesday it was still in the 80s, but there has been a marked coolness since, maybe in the 50s or 60s. 40s at night, I think. Last night, I even wore socks with my sandals to avoid popsicle toes. Excellent sleeping.

Shhhhh

The house is so quiet this morning. No A/C running, no dogs milling around, no tv in the background. Everyone is still sleeping. Opportunity for tea and a cookie nice and early.I generally do not eat in the morning, but I was just feeling it today for some reason.

I have to go to yoga and I might do the 930 class. Then at 130, I am attending a wellness seminar with Dr. Rob. He is an Ayurveda doc and chiropractor. Hopefully it will enlighten me further about Ayurveda as a career path.

I was also supposed to confirm with our friends Beth and Irina about cutting hair tonight or tomorrow and then having some dinner...I need to remember to call after yoga because I would hate to disturb the potential quiet at their house this early on a Saturday morning.

Dear Santa

Origins has a new line of cocoa therapy products. I think I will have to get one or two. Consider them on the list. Of course, I might be able to snag one sooner, but I also need to get a few other more essential products from Origins first.

Maybe Santa can get them for the Missus. Y'all know that trick, right?

Working Artist

I have long felt that hair is my artistic medium, and accordingly consider myself an artist, artiste even. For the past 4 (maybe 5) years, I have entered the Lawndale retablo festival for Day of the Dead. It is a fun event, and E does it, though she is a trained and talented fine artist, so I more or less just decide what dead thing I want to commemorate and have at it.

This year, as I have already mentioned here, I was inspired to create art out of ugliness. I used the callous and unforgivable email that e received about me from her dear old dad. While sitting in meditation at yoga, on three seperate occasions, I had visions of my retablo, and I did my best to follow that course with it. My finished product came remarkably close to my finished work, so I guess we have to consider it a success.

I have to wait until tomorrow to see how much it sold for, but I know it is a minimum of $75, which means I get a minimum of $37.50.

San Francisco, here we come. I think I might spend my winnings at Good Vibrations .

I can be brilliant sometimes

I just figured out how to convert pics I have on yahoo so I can post them here on the blog!! Now, it's not like I have a tremendous archive in yahoo photo albums, but I do have a few pics over there, and it has caused great frustration that yahoo does not like to share so linking them has not been an option.

I hear you, just scan them again. Well, that takes time. In addition to time, the scanner needs to be hooked up by unhooking up something else. Pain in the ass.

So if I can convert them, pay attention, I can, I can use them at will here. The one below, Cool Chicks Hot Day, is of E and my bestest friend K. We went to visit my folks for a week in June of 2000. I know I put 2001 in the caption, but I am rethinking that and I do not know how to edit the caption so let me correct it, 2000.

We took a boat up the river and I had the best view whenever K stopped rowing, E had her paws all over her, and I got to film it all! No scandal here. No dyke drama. Sorry to disappoint.

And now I can remember it all over again due to my brilliance!

Cool Chicks Hot Day (June 2001) 

Get your motor running

I am feeling like it might be a bike sort of day. Time for a ride around the neighborhood. Maybe.

I bought a beach cruiser style bike at least a year ago and have yet to take it for a ride. It was a really good deal as a promotional item at the beauty supply store I frequent. Nice orangey red color. Thick grrl seat. I just liked it and it was cheap and at the time I had the $$. I think today might be the day.

I have been feeling like riding the bike for the past few months actually, but the garage doors are somewhat rigged, so it is a pain in the ass to take it in and out. Currently, E is painting both our cars to be art cars (which is chronicled over at www.emeraldpillows.com ) so the garage door is open quite often.

I might need her to lower the seat just a tad, too. We'll see. *If* today is the day.

Until I am sure, I will update my library page as I got several new books last week.

Wrestless Wrecks

Rex is restless at 4 AM. What the fuck is up with that. He was restless enough that I am now wide awake and out of bed, while he is now back to sleep.

My yogi would be pleased I have risen before the sun warms the earth. This does not mean I will not be back in bed before the sun warms the earth, but technically, I have acheived something.

I decided while I am up anyway, I might as well begin ripping holiday CDs. I also want to create some play lists for our trip, but that might not happen this morning as I am not sure I can do both simultaneously. I can however copy some songs E has ripped. Woo.

Yesterday morning I had a hallelujah, fall is definitely here moment. I was able to brush my teeth with ice cold (well, much colder than normal) water streaming from the tap. Now don't get me wrong, I love me some Houston heat and humidity, really, I do. But when the tap water that has been sitting in the warm Houston earth hits my toothbrush, I just have to whine and cringe. I can happily brush with ccccccold water for the next few months.

Life, is good.

Wake up and be productive

On Wednesday morning I am usially at work by this time, but today I have a late client so I shifted my hours. I figured I can be nice about it as it could be the last time I do her since I will be (hopefully) changing positions soon.

I feel as if I could be rather productive at the moment, and before getting out of bed I had a mental list of things I could be doing, but I think maybe I was just dreaming because they are all gone.

E and I went to vote yesterday. I voted at our local district place, for all the good it did, and got my little sticker. As E got to the sign-in lady, she learned her voter registration had not transferred as it was supposed to. She was ready to just say "fuck it", but I reminded her how the guilt would get to her, and as we operate on goddess time, there was nothing else pressing to which we had to attend.

We drove to out old hood, two hoods ago, actually, and she was able to vote.

Both places had virtually no wait, and then we went into town for some dinner. We went to Cafe Artiste where E had a chicken po boy and 2 glasses o wine, and I had a shrimp po boy (sans green peppers, please) and a Mexican Pepsi. I really wanted to buy the second one they had in the case to bring home, but I knew I would have drank it right away and regretted it, so I decided that unless I found a retailer for the Mexican Pepsi, I would save is as a Cafe Artiste treat and hope that their supplier never makes it unavailable again. Knowing they have it helps me resist it otherwise so it is the only time I actually drink it when we go there.

We hung around the cafe for a while and then went to Half Price Books before we had to pick up T. I got Elizabeth Sims second novel as well as another Sneaky Pie Brown mystery. I told E that it was all CJ's fault for introducing me to a new author. I just had to buy the book.

We went by Whole Foods after picking up T as he had to get some protein bars and fruit. His coach at school wants him to try to bulk up a little, interesting that he loses the sweets for the coach. If he manages to stick to it. I will have to evaluatte the situation before getting stocking stuffers. Maybe protein bars rather than candy. We'll see.

The evening was spent watching bad tv, surfing between the election coverage and the VH1 red carpet moments countdown.

Woo.

Time flies

I am trying to wrap my mind around it actually being November. My brain is so full at the moment with potential, that it is difficult to make some basic connections like another year waning.

The universe is speaking to me

I wish I was certain about what the universe was saying.

I went to bed at about 11 and had every reason to be asleep right now. Rex is sleeping. Incredible orgasmic release. Thermostat at seventy degrees.

The ceiling fan over the bed, however, is broken. One of the blades broke a few days ago. This means that as the air cuts off, it immediately gets warm in the bedroom. In addition, it means that mosquitoes, any mosquito, can settle and bite. And bite. And bite.

Fuckers.

In the haze that accompanies being mosquito jacked, there was a lot f consciousness floating around behind my eyes. I was lying there feeling awake, only to find myself incredibly tired and blank now that I am sitting here at the keyboard.

I need a bedside notebook again. Tomorrow, umm later today, I will insure there is one in place.

TaDaaaaaa

May the bidding wars commence. I am actually quite satisfied with my finished retablo. It would be so nice to dine on the proceeds on vacation in San Francisco. Of course, there are no expectations of such, and I would be equally content to file it away with my previous retablos.

The terapy of creation is the reason for me to do them, especially this latest effort.

What else can we purge today?

I present my finished retablo, "Thinly Veiled Hatred" 

Ahhh...morning

Someone asked me yesterday how the sleep was going with Rex at night, if it was working out. Of course, I jinxed things saying it was going well and that we were on schedule again.

Last night, he was beyond restless. He was chewing excessively on a bone, which is a good thing to regulate some of that puppyt energy. We let all the dogs chew at bedtime because it seems to wear them down a little. Rex just kept at it endlessly.

Then, he was again barking at every sound he heard. I suppose we are still in an adjustment period. I remember when we got Nola. She did the same thing, barking at every noise, something Sawyer never did. Once Nola started barking at everysound during the night, it was as if this told Sawyer he was not doing his job well enough, so then he bagan barking too. I can't remember how long this went on before they chilled out about it.

The trio bark quite often since there is a warehouse district directly behind our back fence, and there are people in and out of there all night long. Last night in particular, Rex was quite agitated about this. I had a bit of a headache forming when I went to bed, so after an hour or so of listening to him chew, I decided to get up rather than fight it. Took some aleve. Worked a little online. Pulled out the futon in the living room. Where Rex promptly joined me and sacked out. Perhaps he thinks that the great room should be the master bedroom.

In other news, I should mention that the letter from Papu featured below was something that was not quite as difficult as it might seem. I am not really sure why this is, other than that on this Buddhist/spiritual path, I have come a ways, and I was able to sort of deflect this in a way that kept his shit his own.

E had absolutely no response to him. When he sent the email, he sent it to her work, something she asked him to not do, repeatedly. He also cc-ed her three siblings. She thought that rather than escalate things by screaming at someone who is never going to hear her, it would be best to have no response. She and I are the ones who went out with her dad in an effort to spend time with him and not let his life be solitary and lonely. Her only response was to email her siblings and say simply that she is done. Through. No more. There was no phone call on father's day, and no phone call on his birthday. I suppose the downside of this non action is that he really does not have a clue that anything is wrong.

It has been my policy to make every effort to have compassion and not judge. This is what has enabled me to sit with him for hours on end. Listening to the same BS over and over again. Wade through his bitterness.

When the email arrived, I decided to follow E's path. I was also done. We have discussed it at length and I have reminded her he is her father. If he were to call and need her, she would go to him. She knows she will speak with him again, but she does not care to spend further time with him. I agree with this, and have declared that our home is to remain a Papu-free zone. He is just not welcome here.

The part of the drama which really irritated me the most was in the followup email where he slammed me professionally stating he would no longer be seeing me for his haircuts, something I never asked him to do in the first place. In that email, as in the one below, he got most of the facts wrong, but I have let it go. I also put a "No Service" flag on his account at the salon so there will be no drama in the workplace.

Using the email for the artwork is my personal rebuttal to him in an effort to create/find/some beauty from his ugliness. The final pic should be up later today.

Thinly Veiled

Below is the photo of stage one of my retablo for the "Dia de los Muertos" show at the Lawndale

The text follows here and was an email from E's dad which resulted in a bit of a cool down between them. I say a bit of a cool down because E's response was silence and Papu thinks there is nothing wrong, even though his daughter has not had anything to do with him since the email, including no call on father's day or birthday, etc...

----- Original Message -----
From: "Jim Wxxxxxx"
To: "Betsy Wxxxxxx"
Sent: Monday, May 31, 2004 1:25 AM
Subject: I'm very, very, sorry

Hi Bets,
I'm sorry that I have to send this message. I really do care for youvery much and I enjoy your company immensely.

BUT,I have a real problem with Maxine - I am very uncomfortable around her.

She is:
1. Jewish
2. Female*
3. Gay*
4. Promiscuous with Negroes ( two black children)**
5. Very vociferous about all of the above.

I have opinions about all of these things. But, around Maxine, I am notable to express my opinions,***
I'm truly sorry, but I do have opinions of my own and I believe that I am entitled to those opinions.

I can not, unequivocally, accept Maxine's philosophy that all women were born with the right to make every decision in this world**** - regardless of it's merits. I can not ascribe toMaxine's philosophy that women (and blacks) are entitled to a ' freelunch' because they have been persecuted in the past.*****
To reiterate, I love you very much and I respect your option to see whomever you choose - BUT - Maxine makes me very uncomfortable. I have no problem with seeing you. But, if Maxine is part of the equation, I'll pass.

Again, I'm sorry,
Dad

P.S. I object very much to the way she was " fawning over you" at the ballpark yesterday. Rubbing your back and caressing you in public was very embarrassing to me. Your mother would have had a stroke had she seen that!******

Disclaimers
*’Bets" is also Female and Gay.
**I have only one black child.
***For several years, I have listened to him express his opinions.
****For THEMSELVES!
*****I believe I said that programs such as welfare are in place because some White men decided they were meritorious, and if such programs are available, good for women, or whoever is eligible, that have the sense to take advantage of such opportunities.
******I was rubbing her back and I think I had my hand on her thigh, a respectable distance away from her hoohoo. I happen to be of the opinion that her mother (GRHS) did see this, from her perch with the angels in heaven.

2004 retablo phase one titled "Thinly Veiled Hatred" 

Rex meets the scissors...snip.

Lots of school busses on the road at 645 in the morning. There are also a lot of commuters. Why was I up and on the road at 645 AM?

Rex has an appointment today to get snipped. He is becoming less of a he. Snip. Neutered. We would be getting this done as responsible pet owners anyway, but we are also hoping there is a side benefit of less aggression from Sawyer. Sawyer is our resident alpha. Unless, of course E has to go alpha on him.

Really, the integration of Rex into our household has gone pretty well. The first few days, Sawyer was really pissed off. Nola was not so sure about a puppy four times her size, but she likes him well enough. As each day passes, Rex gains a little more ground with Sawyer. Sawyer's main issue is when Rex goes near the food dish. Rex has his own as he eats different food, but Rex is always hungry for more, so as he inches toward Sawyer and Nola's dish, Sawyer is usually close by and lets him have it.

The other issue is bones. Sawyer and Nola have always wanted the bone the other has, and only one would chew at a time, even if there are many bones laying around. Rex is less discriminate and will chew on any of the bones. preferring one that has been prechewed and is soft for his delicate puppy teeth. He really prefers the rope Booda bones which he found out in the yard. Sawyer and Nola have paid no attention to the Booda bones for at least two years. Of course, now that Rex has an interest in them, they are prime property.

Booda bones, when left to the weather and lawn mower for 2 years in the yard, are quite salvagable. E hosed them off, and then I ran them through the washer and dryer.

Double Oyclean.

Whammo.

Clean Booda bones.

What happened to Saturday?

I have been a total yoga slacker this week. I went on Tuesday and Thursday, but that is all. I was going 4-5 classes a week, and this week only two, and my body really feels it.

Oh, the shame of it all.

I wish I could say it is because I am so busy with other stuff, but no, that's not quite it.

It was just a bit of a slugg week.Carried over to the weekend. May tomorrow bring something new.

Time to color my hair.

Pre-alarm rising

The alarm went off this morning at 545 and I was already awake. There is something inherently off about that. Perhaps it is signaling a productive day. I hate that I am even going to work today, as most days, but today especially because it is E's birthday.

Happy Birthday, Baby!

Time to meditate

What an odd feeling I have this morning. Not good or bad, not tired or rested, not restless. It is just undescribably odd.

I feel as if I have reached some decision about life, yet I can not quite wrap my mind around what, exactly, that is.

My mind has been on overload lately regarding what I want to *be* when I grow up. I have been feeling as if turning 40 means I have arrived, and it is time for some decisiveness. I would still love to pursue pottery classes, and currently I am considering becoming a certified yoga instructor. There is a small feeling of flake associated with both these things, but more present is a feeling of 'Yes! That's it!'.

There is also a new interest in becoming an Ayurvedic practitioner, but it is way too costly to do it without further investigation.

And of course, there is the wonder of should I pursue the path of getting an MFA in writing. The MFA is an advanced degree, so there are many classes on the road to that. It is somewhat daunting if I consider the enormity of it.

Ohmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Festival hangover

Chicken on a stick, followed by a funnel cake, cinnamon nuts, corn dogs, kettle corn, and of course, let's not forget a few beers along the way.

That was the menu yesterday on our adventure to the Scarecrow Festival.

Last night I went to bed and literally could not move. That was after a two hour nap in the afternoon upon our return home. Too many carbs, and popcorn is evil according to Ayurveda. I am not sure if it is evil all the time or just this time of year, but I ate a medium bag of it yesterday and my energy just went down the drain.

The festival was about an hour from here in a small town called Chappell Hill. They also host the Bluebonnet Festival in the spring, which I think we will likely skip. There were crafts and more crafts. And more crafts. And more crafts. The jewelry crafts were all very clunky, and the people, the thousands of country folk, were mostly less than attractive.

We did see a few lesbos here and there, but for the most part it was sort of hard to tell, like being in a mountain community where all the women wear flannel. There was a certain rural rough edge to the crowd, but yes, there were definitely sisters among the festival-goers.

I still feel like getting out and doing something today, but I really have no idea what that will be. I do need to be at JCP at 4 to pick up a gift for E's birthday, and I have to cut hair at 6 at a friend's house, but that leaves a good portion of the day.

Maybe I will head on over to Michael's to get some supplies to do my retablo. I had a vision for it during meditation at yoga last week and I need some ribbon and other grrly shimmery things.Woohoo.

Festival season

I woke up this morning feeling like slugging and ditching all the plans we have for the weekend. Rather than be a total slugg, I decided to ditch yoga this morning and sleep in a little, and then still go to the Scarecrow Festival in Chappell Hill.

Chappell Hill is about an hour from here on the way to Austin and we have been there several times to the Margaret Austin Center for retreats. I am having no expectations about the festival today, but I am harboring the hope that there will be a vendor hawking butterfly fies. I am not quite sure why I have been dreaming of them lately other than knowing it is festival season, and not knowing where to go for festivals here in TX.

Scarecrow Festival, don't let me down.

It can't be morning already.

Rex is on a backward schedule. Just because he was in his crate for a while last night while we went out, he was up wanting to play all night long. He is still a bit rambunctious right now this morning. At 1am I got up with him because I thought he might have to pee. Nope. He was just restless.

He was barking at every sound last night. Finally, I conked out for a few hours on the couch. At one point, maybe 3am, he went into the bedroom and Sawyer ripped him a new one. I think it was about 5am when I took him into the room because I wanted the bed. That was smooth enough with Sawyer because I told him as he was growling under his breath upon our entry that if he did not chill the fuck out, he was going to jail.

I am awake enough for the moment, and yoga will certainly wake me up more, but I am going to crash sometime before 9pm at work today. I see it coming already.

I think I like it

So, adding that pic of Rex was easy enough. I think I might just like this new technology. Their directions are rather vague. I think to E, they might be more intuitive, and granted, I figured it out in less than 10 minutes, but the directions would not be enough for my dad, and certainly not for my mom. I just think they should be clear. I think I will do a pic of the day until I have it down.

Our newest pup...he just ate three cups of food for breakfast, which is more than our other two dogs eat in a day. Burp! (Excuse him please.) 

Pics?

trying to figure out the blogger pic software

Chaos and Insanity

Okay, so that title is maybe a little of an exaggeration.

This morning, E gets up, goes to walk, and then is home getting ready for work all before 7 am. As she goes out to leave, there is a Rottweiler puppy in her way.

She first tried to shoo him away, and rather than go away, he takes refuge under her car. She then got the hose in an effort to get him from under her car so she can go to work, but he is planted there firmly.

By this time, I have gotten up to see what the commotion is because Sawyer and Nola have begun the doggie symphony. They do this in the grandest fashion anytime there is a dog in their vision. Anywhere. It is most annoying with just a shred of comedy thrown in on the side.

I went outside and tried to call the pupps out from under the car but to no avail. I tried to explain to him that I was not the mean hose lady, and that it would be okay.

E then got a broom to most gently prod him from under her car, and I told her to go ahead and go to work as I kept him away from her car and then I would call animal control and be on my way shortly after.

I came into the house to look up the number for animal control, and before calling them thought I would take a shower. At this point I was still considering going about my day as planned. 930 yoga, then on to work 12-9.

Here is where the insanity comes in. I am in the shower, and it occurs to me that this dog might be fated to be in my (our) life. Perhaps he is supposed to be here with us. If I call animal control, he goes to the pound, and if not adopted in three days, he would be euthanised. Doesn't he at least deserve three days here, if he chooses us, by the end of which at the very least, we get him to a no kill shelter, or otherwise find him a good home?

I have a strong knowing that his good home is with us. Rex (when *did* he get a name???) is pretty much here to stay by this point.

Number for animal control in hand, I give E a call at work.

E: E speaking.
Me: So, how was the drive to work?
E: Fine. What's going on with that monster dog?(okay, so she did not call him that monster dog...)
Me: Well, now he is under my car.
E: Tell me...
Me: Just tell me I am crazy. Are we supposed to keep him, save him from the pound?
E: Did you see the size of his paws?
Me: I know. He is going to be big. A Rott...BIG...
E: See if he will come out for you and bring him some food and water...

I also explained to E that there was no doggie symphony going on. That was the weirdest part. Sawyer and Nola were sitting in the window, looking out at a strange dog in their yard, and they were wagging their tails with no endless symphony howling. It was a first.

So, earlier, when he was under her car, I said no to food, because I did not want to encourage him to hang around. I got him a dish of food and water and went outside to see if he would leave the safety of under my car. I sat the dishes down and then sat myself down a few feet away. As soon as I sat down, Rex came out to say hi. He took a drink and then came over and lay in my lap for some pets.

After we got acquainted, I decided to see if he would follow me into the back yard. If he was to stay, he needed to be socialized with Sawyer and Nola, and while I did not want to do that in the house, I did want some semblance of control over the situation. He followed me right into the yard and I went inside to get Nola on leash to join him. She is 10 pounds at most, so I knew there would be no issues. They got on famously in an instant.

Sawyer, however, has issues. Through all the snarling and growling, I see his tail is wagging, so I know it will be okay. Nola has been here more than a year, and they still play this little dominance game daily.

We have spent most of the morning out in the yard together just trying to adapt. I think it is I who have to adjust as they are all just following their instinctive natures. At the moment, Sawyer is laying here next to me and Nola is at the back door while Rex is out in the yard. I will not let him inside until after we get to the vet this afternoon. I am still somewhat amazed that Sawyer is being so accepting, and that he is quiet.

I even saw Rex try to get into the crate we have outside ready for bulk trash tomorrow. I guess we still have it for a reason.

New classes

This six week session of yoga, I decided I would be a yoga maniac and plan to attend all classes that crossed my schedule. The last six week session I made a commitment to attend three classes a week with consistency. One of the things I realized in doing this was that I was moving to another stage within my body and my ability.

Last week was the first of the new session and I mad it to 4 classes. This week, I think I will make it to 5. It really is a feeling of insanity, but I feel so good after class, and I think that the extra yoga is in part responsible for this new surge in my energy and sleep balance.

I suppose by the end of the six week session I might have other ideas, but the potential is there for something grand.

Coming soon to a newstand near you

The next issue of Emerald Pillows will be out during the next week. We took an informal hiatus and it seems we are back full force. I am feeling particularly motivated about it lately. We are changing it a little here and there, sort of refining the vision, and making it as full of content as possible. This might make the publication schedule a little less regular, but I think it will work nicely for what we are trying to accomplish. One of our friends is going to help us set it up as an official non-profit so we can apply for grants to make it something bigger than what we can afford. The extreme view of the grant side would be a big enough grant to make E and I paid employees of Lesbian Underground Press. But let's not spin this fantasy out of control quite yet.

It's all good.

not so bad

So, the previous two nights I got less than three hours. This makes last night's 5 hours seem an eternity. The gilded lining to be found is that I am not dragging ass and feeling the lack of sleep.

Today is day three for work and I am up rather early which means I might feel as if I have accomplished things today. It also means there is plenty of time to hit Starbucks on the way to work, as if that was ever an issue!

So maybe it wasn't the caffeine

I went to bed at 11 with E, had raucous-should-have-exhausted-me-into-sleep sex, and here I am wide fucking awake.

I have been working on EP, so all is not lost. In fact, this pattern of less sleep is how it was born in the first place, so it is portent of something good.

Sing it Chaka.

The eve of 2 a.m.

I guess that is when it is. What a fabulous rain storm I would have missed had I been asleep. I wonder if this is something other than the Pepsi. There are times when I am optimally functional on 4-5 hours sleep for months at a time. Could be this is the onset of one of those times. I consider this only because I have never felt this from Pepsi.

Not even the Mexican Pepsi, which I would definitely be overindulging in if I could freaking find it.

I have been contemplating profound thoughts lately, yet when I set out to journal them, they dissipate. Must need more brew time.

Make mine anything but Pepsi

I love me some Pepsi, yes I do.

Several years ago, the first time I ever really lost any quantity of weight, I did so by simply eliminating Pepsi from my diet. Actually, I went cold turkey and drank no beverage other than water, and a lot of it. If it was a liquid entering my body, it was water.

That sounds as if I gave up a lot, but the reality of it was that the only thing other than water that I drank at the time, was Pepsi. So in giving it up, I cut a six pack of sugar (or quite often, more) out of my day. In three months of water as the only beverage, I managed to lose about 30 pounds. This was my first conscious aha moment about my weight.

Currently, I have not been a Pepsiholic for several years. I have gained a sort of control over it and if I really want one, I have one. Occasionally, a six pack finds its way into my shopping cart, and when this happens I have no problem seeing it in the fridge, and still have it only when I really want one.

Tonight was such a night, and as I was also feeling somewhat salty crunchy, I went to KFC and got some Popcorn Chicken and a medium Pepsi.

That was at 9 pm.

I can distinctly remember saying in conversation to someone how even with all the Pepsi I used to drink, I never had a caffeine jolt from it.

Tonight, that changes.

I am feeling like the first time I had that black currant tea from Cost Plus at bedtime and was then up and pinging until 5 am and then up again at 7 am ready to take on the world.

Maybe I will have a productive day at work tomorrow.

Speaking of work, I have accepted a receptionist position at the salon. Unfortunately for the few clients I have managed to cultivate, this means I will no longer be doing hair. This still all hinges on the current receptionist and when she decides to leave, which is currently after Christmas.

I can still change my mind if I suddenly see a market boon, but the salon I am in has a high ethnic market, which means if you do not do African American hair, you do not build. I do AA hair, but not relaxers. It is a bit of a catch 22 in that if I did more relaxers, I would gain the comfort needed to do them with confidence, and this salon could afford that possibility. But, this salon has a client base who does not want white stylists. Yes, I have heard it first hand from clients on the phone as well as in the chair. Blatant discrimination, but nothing to be done about it. Except take the receptionist position.

It's all good.

Pretty painless

I went to a satellite branch of the tax assessor's office today to transfer the title of the jeep and also to renew the registration. $97.30 later, the deed is done. The registration itself was $53, there was a gift tax of $25, and the rest was administrative fees. As said in the title of this entry, it was a relatively painless process, and the jeep is officially mine.

If you are interested in following the transformation of the wasband;s jeep into my art car, you can follow on the Emerald Pillows website linked to the right. E has sanded and primed her hood, and mine is next.

Is it mine yet?

Today is the day of transferring the title to the Jeep.

Life is an adventure.

Shopping delight

We went to the mall today to get one last little present for my birthday. It is from Z Gallerie, and looks like this .

While at that end of the mall, we also went into J.Jill to drool a little over all the clothes we either cannot at the moment afford, or will never (or nor any time soon) be fitting us. For shits and grins,. I tried on a divine feeling sweater and what do you know, an XL, that is an XL in a regular sized grrly store, fit me. I was beyond amazed. If I did not have to renew my hair license, I would have bought it on the spot.

There was also a skirt there which was a good coordinating piece for my wardrobe and the sweater, but I managed great restraint.

Then, on the way out of the mall, we stopped at Lord & Taylor. They have an extensive plus size department, and carry several upscale designers I like. There was a lined suede blazer, rather fitted, so I looked to see if there was a 24 on the rack. Usually, at least in recent history, a 24 will fit, but be something less than flattering, tight on my upper arm, and offering little hope for movement or even ability to breathe.

The largest available was a 22. It fit as if it were tailored for me personally, even buttoned.

I want to go shopping!!!

And the title has been found

In a moment of wisdom, just before I was about to call the wasband to ask something of him, E called her son and asked if he remembered seeing the title to my jeep anywhere. She told him we were only calling because we were truly desperate.

He told her where he saw it, and that is precisely where it was.

Whew.

I am so glad I did not have to call the fallen king and ask him to get me a replacement. That would not have gone well as he misremembers a conversation we had in which he thought I agreed to pay for something which he said he would take care of. Voices were raised and the conclusion was me hanging up on him. Not the best note to end on if I have to ask something of him.

Yes, I have learned my lesson and I will consider beginning, again, to build a bridge. HJe just makes it rather difficult.

Most attractive

Sheild your eyes if you come knocking on my door. At the moment, because I am doing laundry and want to wash all my bras and sleeveless shirts, I am lounging and cleaning house in a tank bra. It is quite comfy, but it leaves little if anything to the imagination. And it makes quite the fashion statement paired with some shapeless yoga pants. But as I said, I am comfy.

I decided last week that it is better to do laundry on Monday, but yesterday, I was slugging, totally worn out from my birthday weekend. I woke up this morning at about 830 and went to yoga, so right now I feel very good. I just had a vision of someday actually wearing this yoga get up to yoga. That will be a moment to document, when I feel I look ok enough to wear this out in public.

And speaking of bras, I am at a point where I once again need to go buy new ones. I am not sure if I need to go smaller again, or if I need to just get new ones. The ones I am wearing are far from worn out and threadbare, but there is a bigness to them and it could just be that they are broken in. I might see if there is a way to adjust them which I had not considered.

Living life by following my intuition was the yoga assignment/suggestion today, which I mostly do anyway, so time to scoot.

928

I am sitting here trting to wwrap my mind around the fact that I have 928 songs on my Dell DJ, and space, supposedly, for 9000. This means I have a shitload of expansion room. I am at the tail end of ripping stuff I want on from our cd livbrary. There are a few songs that would not rip clean due to cd abuse, and I should have kept a running list, but I suppose the ones I really miss I can buy online.

Today shall be a slugg day I think as the birthday weekend was quite full and now I need to rest. And do laundry.

Out and about

I was awakened this morning by forty kisses for my fortieth birthday, from Nola, my MinPin.

It was about 8 AM and E told me she was going to walk and we were leaving the house by 10 AM. I did not know where we were going, but she said shorts and a sleeveless shirt or anything comfy was fine. We started out on Beltway 8 heading North and I knew then we were either going to Austin or to the races. As we ramped over to 290, I knew it was Austin.

Austin is just a two hour drive and it is something we have vowed to do more often. Our first stop is usually Dairy Queen on the way, but the love bugs were so bad on the windsheild, we had to stop at a service station to clean the glass with a squeegee. Dairy Wueen came about 15 minutes later.

Once in Austin, we headed straight to Book Woman. It is a feminist/women's book store and it has been there for about 25 years. It is always our first stop once we blow into Austin, and may it always exist. They have a used book section as well as a hefty lesbian selection.

I found two used books, All Good Women by Valerie Miner, and The Dog Collar Murders by Barbara Wilson. The Wilson book might give me a complete selection of her works and she is an author I really like. Her books always make me want to travel to the locale she is writing about.

Actually, I found three other books I would have liked, too, but I also wanted to get a Book Woman t-shirt, so I opted for just getting two books. I could have gotten more, but we are trying to be good to have more spending money on our Thanksgiving vacation.

I did not really do more than browse the new lesbian fiction because I did not want to be pouty and I know we will go back soon, maybe next month.

So I got two books, a t-shirt, and a new small silver hoop earring with rainbow rings (a nice combination of obvious and discreet), and I also got several new rainbow stickers for the car, which I officially decided today will become an art car. Buddha mobile. E also got a rainbow yin yang for her car and we got a rainbow collar for Nola which is about an inch wide. Flashy.

After we went to Book Woman, we went to Tesoros Trading Company (www.tesoros.com). It is an import store with a lot of artsy stuff, so much so that we were on visual overload. I got a lot of little things there, mostly mini Buddhas and stuff to use on my retablo and figures for my alter.

From Tesoros we headed to El Sol y La Luna, a lesbian owned Mexican restaurant. They offer free wifi and have art displayed on the walls gallery style. Nice.

I think we might make a trip every month or so to get better acquainted with the city.

Tomorrow, I have been informed, we leave at 545 AM to hit Galveston!!

The last day of my 39th year

Work today was steady and productive, not overwrought, not snlail slow. Perhaps this is a sign on the eve of my fortieth birthday that perhaps it will be a good year(workwise). Of course, 39 was a good year, so I am not complaining.

I got cards today from my mom, my pseudo-sissy Brenda, my neice Crystal and my friend CJ(who included a book with her card woohoo!!!). Many thanks to you all, though I cringe at the thought of my mom and Brenda reading this blog, therefore thanks to them is rather rhetorical. My mom's letter had a pic of my dad and a $50 check, always welcome, and the following text:

"Put 9-11 in the back of your mind and never forget.

But in the forfront of all your thinking know that on Sept. 11, 1964

a bundle of joy and delight brightened our door.

In your future always remember to put your many talents to good use for yourself and all womankind.
Love Mom--

P.S. I just was reading this over and it almost sounds like preaching. Or maybe I should get to work and
get that book started."

In the past year I sent my mother some pretty esoteric Zen type cards, and it would seem they have had some effect. I am in some sort of shock over this message. It is perhaps the most intimate thing ever expressed to me from my mother. And it only took 40 years!!

If only I knew then?

For the past few weeks, I have been having dreams of my life as it is now, in the setting of my home town and surroundings. It is rather disconcerting. I am positive I have no desires to live further north agair. The only way I would be able to live in Lake Placid again would be if I were to have substantial means. Money enough to have a driver in winter, and no need to have to face the elements unless I choose to.

The people I am still friendly with have been in these dreams as well as family members who live scattered around. It is certainly reminiscent of a family of choice. It feels like it means something, but that escapes me.

Houston Women's Festival

I just got an email with the lineup so far for this year's festival. (That's www.hwfestival.org since it seems I cannot make the link work) I think I really want to see the duo Zrazy from Ireland. Heard a lot about them but have never heard them. Last year, I was supposed to go with a friend who came for the weekend and it was rained out for the most part. It was some of the heaviest rain I have seen since moving to Houston, and it was also the first year for the festival to be at a downtown outdoor only location.

Trying, trying again.

Precisely why

I just put some Amy Grant on my Dell DJ. This is precisely why iy is a good thing for E and I to have hers and hers DJs.

Fickle?

Some weirdness is playing out in my head. Definitely deciding to do something then just as readily doing something completely different. It is something beyond wishy-washy. Beyond unfocused. Something akin to doing my own thing with the consequences falling as they may, yet also doing nothing at all.

I wish I could say it is merely following my path as it unfolds, but it feels as if there is a dense fog obscuring the way.

Simultaneous awareness...it's all good.

Regrets

I really hate that a voice mail from my wasband can make me feel like crap. The day before Connor went home, we had a conversation, in part about him needing glasses. My wasband said he would take care of it. I told him I had taken C to the eye Dr. and he had a copy of the prescription. I then told him I did not have the $$ to get him glasses, but that I could send half on my next payday. He said not to worry, he would take care of it. So today he says he is holding me to paying for the glasses in full as I said I would and that he will be calling me back and he is not letting this go. I am so sick of his crap. What part of having full custody dies he not understand?

This all gives me regrets that I sent Connor home. I should have kept him here. If he is talking to me in this manner, I can only presume he speaks to Connor in the same way. No one should have to be spoken to this way.

431 tracks and counting

Yes, we really like our Dell DJs. I am not sure how many songs E has on hers, but we developed a system so that we would not be ripping the same songs and thus duplicating each other's efforts. And if the system fails, oh well...

We went on Saturday to Surfside where our friends Beth and Irina had their commitment ceremony. They rented a beach house there which slept 28, so yes, it was quite comfy. Beth had told me it would take about an hour and a half to get threre, so for the six pm ceremony, we planned to leave at four. We could have gone down earlier during the day, but since we were staying overnight, we did not want to be there earlier to be drinking that much longer.

We were less than 5 miles from the place when traffic came to an abrupt stop. We saw fire and rescue vehicles passing us, and we could see ahead to where all the lights were flashing. After about twenty minutes, a trooper drove by and said "Hour wait, no way around."

We decided to go back down the road to find somewhere to have a beer for the wait. At Country Cafe, we shared an order of fries with ranch dressing. They were so good, we shared a second order, and all the while had three beers each. So much for not drinking early. This pretty much killed our hour wait, so we drove back toward Surfside.

We had already called Beth to tell her of the wait and that we would see her eventually.

We got almost as far as we had been initially, and traffic was diverted to the left where people were pulled off the side of the road waiting. There was some water where fish were jumping, and it was about seven by this time, so lovely twilight and cool enough with a breeze for the windows to be down. I could look out my window and see the emergency workers as they did their thing.

While watching the scene untangle, I managed to tangle my fingers up inder the leg of E's shorts and help her in her efforts to relax with the seat back and her eyes closed. Once my true point of meaning for the day was accomplished, I saw the fire truck leaving and told E to get turned around and in line at the light. About 10 minutes later, we were on our way. We arrived at the party at about eight thirty, and learned that yes, we had missed the ceremony, which we had already figured. Then I saw that everyone had already had cake so I thought we missed dinner, too. No, the caterers had been stuck in traffic, too. They did not arrive til around ten pm.

Three beers waiting in traffic, followed by three glasses of champagne and chocolate cake, followed eventualy be innumerable cups of Shiner Bock(still having a hard time rationalizing that I drank Shiner!), and finally some fajitas and more Shiner, at about one am we went to bed.

Somehow, we got the pull out couch in the living room, so when we were awake at 8, actually, I think E was awake way earlier, we decided to head home for some real sleep.

All in all, it was an adventure.

RRRiiiiiiiiiippp....

I feel as if all my time at the computer is currently spent ripping CDs. I suppose that is a good thing, but I do not think that I will ever be done. And in addition, E has ordered her own Dell DJ, so there might be some competition for the use of the computer once hers arrives. Well, not really. We share nicely.

I think the energy of the drama last week with a blog I had linked is finally gone. What a hostile woman she was. She was put out that I linked her but that I do not know her. It was bizarre. And she mistakes her hostility for wit. And she is majorly stuck in her ego. Must stop thinking less than charitable thoughts so the energy remains gone.

Time to meditate.

Alrighty

So finally, after trying a kajillion different free cd ripping devices, I , or rather E, has me able to rip tunes from my cd library to load up onto the Dell DJ. Once we got it working, she went and ordered the companion Dell DJ, one for her identical to mine. Wont it be funny when she grabs mine or I grab hers by mistake.

AHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA...

So we will be two styling dykes with hers and hers 20 gig Dell DJ players...ahhhhhhh...

WooHooooooooooooooooooooo

The Dell DJ is up and running. Now I have the daunting task of converting music from my cd collection to upload to the mp3 player (aka Dell DJ).

20 gigs worth...good thing I have a four day weekend every weekend.

I love me some gadgets.

Early presents

My birthday is still two weeks from today, but I got a present, or a series of presents early, last night, E just can't hold her pee.

She got me a Dell Jukebox, which is a near cousin to the iPod. 20 gig music vault, in short, it holds about 9000 tunes.

And now for the bad news, seems she might have to reformat the hard drive so there is room to install the software to get it up and going. So much for earliness.

Why?

I know there is no answer other than "because", but I still find myself asking the question.

I had a much too long conversation today with my wasband, at much too high an emotional volume, and it leaves me feeling as if there has been no progress made in my personal evolution. I still am capable of feeling hatred toward him. Had we been in the same room having this conversation, I would have struck him with a forcefull blow from my open hand across his face.

I am glad we were not in the same room, but is the intent a strain on my karma?

I sent a folder of pics home with my son and in the folder was also a letter he had written me years ago. Whether it was before or after his affair, I am uncertain, but it had expressed a sentiment that to me, was a lie for more than the time of his fidelity. He just does not get that his affair negated everything.

The hurt and pain he caused me was as raw today as when it was a fresh wound.

I made an effort in my head to discuss this with E at dinner, and I just could not do it. I could not vocalize the pain and hurt that still lie dormant(or not so) within my soul from what that man did to me. Is it that he makes me feel vulnerable? Inadequate? Something less?

I just don't know where this comes from when it hits me and it really is irritating.

He was so pissed off that I sent that letter back to him and he had the nerve to question my motives in doing so.

That really pissed me off. Why does he think he has the right to question anything I do or say? His argument was that I could have quite simply thrown it away. I told him no, I needed to purge his energy from my life and my living space, and that frankly, it was easier to leave it in a folder that was going to him then to walk it over to the trash. He just did not grasp the whole I need to exorcise his energy thing. And, I made it clear that just as easily, he could have just thrown it away upon discovery. Why am I to make the noble sacrifice but not him? Fucking double standard.

I went on to explain to him that this is why I am so hot to get a new car. Don't I know that the Jeep has easily another 100k miles before it dies? Don't I like not having a car payment?

Of course I know these things.

I also know that it is making me crazy, FUCKING CRAZY, to walk out the door each day and get into his car!

I am not sure all the meditating and yoga in the world can do anything to reverse the strain on my sanity. I might go tomorrow to the VW showroom. Of course that brings up a whole new can of worms. Like the doubt that at nearly fucking 40 I can get approved for a car on my own.

S
I
G
H

Fuck.

so...

The screener woman was very professional, and while my bag was still in the x-ray machine I asked her what time it was. There was plenty of time, so I volunteered to just take my bag back to the car. Of course, I could not do that before it was hand searched.

Screener lady: You have several options. 1) You can throw the offending items into the trash.
Me: Ummm, that is more than $1000 worth of work tools, and they are not going into the trash.
SL: 2) You can mail the offending items to your home or your travel destination.
Me: Well, I have to be at work in less than two hours, so what other options do I have?
SL: 3) You can go to the sign in counter and see if the agent will hold the offending items for you until your flight leaves.
Me: Well, I am not flying anywhere,
SL: Ma'am, you still cannot take the offending items past the check point.
Me: Yes, I understand, as I said already, I can take my bag back to the car.
SL: But the agent will hold it for you.

Like I am going to leave my scissors with anyone when there is adequate time to just go to the car. I explained to her again the value and necessity of the "offending items", and she gave me the oh-you-trust-us-with-your-child-but-not-with-some-dumb-scissors look.

Finally she handed over my bag and we were escorted back to the security point. Then as we were going across the parking lot, my angel says, with scissor case in hand, "No way is this $1000."

Me: Don't open the case.
Angel: [opens the case anyway]
Me: Be. Very. Careful.
TINKCRASHCLANGALANG

Three pair of scissors fell from the case and that was all it took to open the floodgate of tears that was the amalgamation of the last three weeks.

It passed rather quickly, then at work I assessed the damage, and just one pair, my most used favorite pair of scissors, was determined to be somewhat fucked up. I will send them in for servicing and hopefully they will survive.

I have since fully detoxed, I think, and if not, will definitely fully detox at the beach in Galveston on Sunday.

The boy has left the building

I was going to mention this last night, but actually, I was still in a bit of a detox funk.

We got to the airport with just about the entire suggested two hours early in tact. As I left the car, rather than grabbing my book, my phone, and my ID, I just grabbed my entire work bag. Can you imagine what that meant?

Ultimately it meant I was chosen by the airline for further scanning.

As we are going through the screening the first time, my bag inside the x-ray machine, it occurred to me that my scissor case was inside.

More later, off to yoga...

Just this. Here now.

The following is from "Awakening the Buddhist Heart" by Lama Surya Das:

CONNECTING THROUGH THE PRESENT MOMENT THROUGH THE POWER OF NOW

Take a breath; take a break. Cultivate the power of the present moment by entering into the holy now.

To do this meditation, just make yourself comfortable. Lie, sit, stand. It doesn't matter.

Breathe in slowly through the nostrils.

As you breathe in, repeat this inner mantra to yourself: "Just this, here now."

As you breathe out, repeat again: "Just this. Here now." Use this mantra as an inner form of prayer or chant of contemplation and meditation.

Inhale...Just this, here now.

Exhale...Just this, here now.

There is nothing but this moment. This sacred moment. Just this, here now.

Let everything else subside, and just go with the natural flow of things, left just as they are. Trust it.

There is no greater miracle than this. Just this. Here now.

There is nowhere else to go, nowhere else to be than just this, here now.

This is the moment we've been waiting for. This is the great crossroads of past and future. This is the goal of our journey. Just this, here now.

There is nothing extra to get rid of and nothing missing that we need to find--just this glorious, radiant, abundant here...now.

vRight here is how we find ourselves, just as we are. Just this.

Right here is where eternity and infinity converge in the present moment. Right here is the gateway to infinity, to the timeless. Just this. Here now.

This is the eternal moment, the mystical instant, the timeless time beyond time and space--yet totally, precisely present. Just this. Here now.

Don't miss it.