Early in the morning

I realize it is nearly 8 am and that is not terribly early. My yogi would like me up by 7 I think, and preferrably by 6 or 6:30. I explained to her how 8 is real progress, and I am going to attempt getting into 7 as normal. Today I was awake at 7:30 and out of bed. I was actually up tp pee around 6, but not awake.

Not a whole lot going on here lately. I am taking a 5 day weekend beginning Friday as it is our 6th anniversary next Tuesday. It will be good to be away from work that long.

I was reviewing some calls for submissions last night, so I might try to make a plan to submit some things over the weekend. I found a few anthologies which I might have something done for previously. I figure the weekend will be a good time to formulate a plan.

I just hope it does not serve to reinforce how much I would prefer to be home full time.

Peace and quiet in the evening

A couple of days of family company go a long way toward rediscovering an appreciation for the quiet found in life lived in an ordinary manner. We have had E's neice and nephew staying with us for a few days, since Thursday evening, and man do they require entertaining.


She is 12 and he is 9, if I am not mistaken, and they are just a little rotten. Presumptuous. Bratty.

I opted out of going this evening to E's sister's house where she and her husband and her 3 yr old and one month old are hosting the other brother's wife and three children. I decided that a 2 to 1 child to adult ratio was just more than I could bear. I think just the nephew is coming home with E, and with any luck, he might decide to stay with everyone else at Kathy's.

The plan was to meet everyone at Kathy's tomorrow, but that was before Papu's most recent email, so the plan became meeting up to attend fireworks.

I adore going to see fireworks, and E knows this. We graciously bowed out of attending them en masse, but might go on our own to see them as they are done by Disney this year.

While staying home tonight, I decided on a little culinary therapy. I took a tub of sauce out of the freezer which I made a few weeks ago, and made some pasta with sausage. I also made some Tollhouse cookies with milk and semi-sweet chips and pecans. and Butter. Real butter. Tres yummm.

Tomorrow is still another day.

Two girls in a cafe, and then they were four

These two cute young things have been sitting a few booths away. One is hovered over a notebook while the other is clicking away on her laptop.

They have been sitting there working diligently as another couple seated themselves at the table between us. They were barely seated when one of the girls stepped over to them and interrupted their kiss.

"Excuse me, but I have to tell you how beautiful you are."

It's true, the girl of the new couple(I say girl because the four of them are all barely in their twenties)is indeed attractive, but the two girls sitting together are both equally so.

Girl number one went on, "Nothing would please me more than if you would agree to model for me." She then produced her digital camera and reviewed through her pics. "Here, this is one of my roommate," indicating the girl across from her, "which I just finished this morning."

Prospective model girl was duly impressed and sat down close to girl number one while girl number two slid over to make room for the boyfriend. They just sat there while girl number one and model girl got all animated in their conversation and viewing of other work of girl number one's.

About 5 minutes of discussion in all and everyone had exchanged contact info, with a photo of model girl being snapped for preliminary work to begin on Friday.

Then girl number two spoke up saying, "Be sure to bring a few changes of clothes as she will want to work continuously all weekend. There will be plenty of wine on hand to facilitate the process and we have a hot tub on the deck to enjoy on breaks, plenty of privacy, swimsuit optional."

Maybe I should offer catering services.

Yoga hiatus interrupted

Did I forget to mention feeling the burn in my thigh muscles from yesterday's return to yoga after a month off?

Biscuits and tea

Yummolina.

I wish they always had strawberry jelly available as the biscuits are way better with it than without. Jelly or not, however, the biscuits at Cafe Artiste are indeed the best I have found in town.

I was sitting here wondering what it was that I was forgetting on today's agenda and luckily, it dawned on me that I have to cut some hair tonight at 6.

I was -.2 this morning at WW and thankfully, due to the deal I made with my self, not required to stay for the meeting. The time I go on Wednesday morning is heavily populated by blue haired old ladies, many of whom I can just tell cheat themselves by conveniently 'forgetting' or overlooking points they are consuming, much as my mother would. Why anyone would pay to be there and then cheat is beyond me, but it is indicative of my mother's personal brand of logic.

I am in week six and total loss is 4.4...I'll take it.

The cafe is calling

Time to shower and get my ass to weight watchers, but after that, Cafe Artiste (with free wireless access, of course) is calling my name.

I think after a good biscuit or tow and some tea, I will come on home for an afternoon of altar cleaning and laundry. Can life get much better?

Budgeting sucks!

The mindless collection of supplementary unemployment has come to an end. This means my income is basically half what it was a week ago. Sucky. Plain old sucky.

I knew the day would come, of course, but it still sucks. School is looking better and better.

I took the first step and asked for a quote from insure me dot com. If I can find outside insurance comparable to what I get at work, I can then work less hours which will raise my commissions and productivity and actually set off the 10 hours less I would be working.

I think once I find the outside insurance I will feel better about it all.

Oh great insurance goddess, shine on me today.

And the wife's playing Castlevania

I just cooked up a slamming good breakfast of home fried red potatoes with red onion and leftover chicken breast all hashed together topped by queso quesadilla cheese and over easy fried eggs. Tres yum.

We went to the Galleria yesterday and there is a new store there called Teavana. While there, we purchased 4 of there many varieties; Thai blend, black currant, almond and rooibos peach. We are currently enamored with the Thai blend. It is simply divine. We also purchased a clay pot in the shape of the Buddha. It is porous and eventually you can make tea without adding tea leaves so it is suggested you only brew one variety in it. Budda gets Thai blend. There are of course, many more tea pots which will be added to our little collection.

After Teavanna we stopped into Fossil so I could drool over the watch I want, and then into The Body Shop where we got a nice modern stainless steel infuser and some room oil to infuse in it. I went in looking for a lip crayon I got from them years ago, but no luck on that one.

Mothers and babies

This morning, I was lying in bed listening to this distinct new bird out either in my yard or in the immediate vicinity. I figured it was just passing through as its call was something totally foreign, having never been heard in the two years I have lived here.

After about 40 minutes of her most annoying bird song, I got up and went to see if she was visibly in the yard. I was planning to let the dogs out to shoo her away, though oddly enough, they were seemingly oblivious to her presence. I went to the patio door and what did I see but a duck being trailed by about ten babies. I called Elizabeth at work to ask her if she had seen it earlier this morning and she said no, but added that Sawyer had indeed been out in the yard and made no commotion. I told her I would take the dogs for a walk, then see if they were still in the yard and try to get a picture. I wanted her to know so she did not routinely let the dogs out if she arrived home before me.

After returning from the stroll with the dogs, I slipped out back with the camera. The ducks were around the side of the house hiding behind the air conditioner unit, likely having heard the dogs barking as we returned from the walk. As I got nearer with the camera, I saw there were two adult ducks and one of them flew toward me and to the top rail of the fence.

Fairly warned, I backed away and left them to their secure space. Now that I was considering the situation, I realized that Nola has been hanging out over on that side of the house for a week or so whenever she is outside. When the dogs go out, Sawyer has been scratching to come in, and in each instance, I have had to aggressively call Nola or let her stay out longer.I think she has been making friends with Mama duck.

While discussing this with Elizabeth, I reasoned that the ducks were flying and chose our yard to nest and lay eggs. The chicks are little fur balls and there is no way they flew into the yard with Mama. When we get home this afternoon, I will go out and see if they are still there and if there is any semblance of a nest, unless I am again shooed away.

When we returned home, the ducks were gone.

woohoo

sitting at Panera Bread with my wireless access equiped laptop...yee-haw!!

Technology advances

Thanks to my friend Beth, and some $$ donated to Best Buy, I am now wireless on my laptop. The excitement follows as I hope to carry my laptop off to a few local cafes more often that offer free wireless access and get into the groove of writing more again.

In addition to the router and wireless card, I also discovered a little wireless gadget which plugs into the USB port and requires no router to be wireless, which if I am following, means I could be wireless anywhere, like maybe the beach in Galveston!! woohoo...

While out yesterday I was writing down the accounts of my morning which included a visit by a mama duck and her babies. E is going to try to enhance the video I took in the digital camera or capture part of it as a pic to post here. If I can figure that out, I will post more about them later. They were just so cute, even if they did cause me to scrape the hell out of my heel. Maybe I should post that pic, too. I think not.

Time elastic

Time seems to have taken on some foreign concept lately. Not that it is foreign and I cannot comprehend, just that it seems so elastic.

On Friday morning last, we woke up late and I distinctly told E it was ok (for me) as it was Thursday. "No," she said calmly while the heat of her body still warmed my side, "it's definitely Friday." Shit.

Now here it is Tuesday and I feel as if it is some other day entirely. Part of the disconnect is due to yoga being on a month long summer break. I will be glad when class resumes next Tuesday morning and only hope to be present. It currently depends somewhat on buying airline tickets for my son's visit here later next month.

Tomorrow can't get here soon enough. I am hoping against hope that I see even a small loss at WW so I can scoot along right away to get my nails done and then to get with my laptop to the cafe. I negotiated with myself, and if there is a gain, I endure the WW meeting as punishment. If I am even or have a loss, I can weigh in only and get the fuck out of there before the drivel begins. It really is dreary once you have heard it so many times regardless how perky the leader is. Suitable punishment for not taking the knowledge to heart.

Do I care?

The blinds just fell that are in the bathroom window which faces the neighbors. Am I going to fix them before I take my shower?

Ummm...I think not.

What does concern me, however, is the rash that is covering my entire back. I had E put some lotion on me yesterday because my back has been feeling a little tight/dry skin/itchy and she used Lubriderm, which I have been using with no adverse affects for some time now.

The itchy really amped up through the evening, and this morning my back is looking all rashy and is as red as a sunburn. Did I mention it is itchy???

I have had similar rash in the past when I have switched laundry detergent. Tide, Surf, Gain, Cheer, just about anything other than Arm and Hammer sends me into rash anywhere clothing somes in contact with skin. Surprisingly, I can use the Costco brand detergent with no upset.Wooooweeee.

I need to wear a soft dress to work today to avoid further irritation, I think.

There will also be a lot of time out for short meditative breathing periods as it helps drive the itch out, at least for a short time.

Come rake your nails over my back, will ya?

Omigod, E bought me a book!!

I have gotten more new books lately than these, but these are the ones I will integrate into the e-library this evening.

Haslund, Ebba...Nothing Happened
Brown, Rita Mae...Plain Brown Rapper
Morrell, Mary...Final Rest
Hodgman, Helen...Waiting For Matindi
Hopkins, Jeffrey...Cultivating Compassion
Mah, Adeline Yen...Watching The Tree
Goldberg, Natalie...Thunder and Lightning
Pepin, Jacques...The Apprentice
McNab, Claire...Blood Link (15)
McNab, Claire...Death By Death
Stinson, Susan...Fat Girl Dances With Rock
Stinson, Susan...Martha Moody
Miller, Carlene...Death Off Stage

Woohoo...time to get reading!!

I think I had something more to say when I began this post, but zippo...it's gone.

Slacker

I have been such a blog slacker. Really, there is little new to report. Same old, same old...life is good.

I began a memoir writing class at BNU so that has me a little distracted regarding updating here, but as I said, life, is good...so there is little in the way of vennting necessary at the moment.

Of course the asshole housesitters next door were at it again last night, but i was pretty tired when I finally went to bed, and that combined with a Norah Jones cd and E's soft and constant stroking of my tired flesh, I nodded off rather directly.

Lazy weekend, I'm yours.

Another sleep hangover

I am up this morning having slept well, but for too many hours. I feel like crap, as if I really tied one on last night. Funny though, even when I drink in mega excess, I am never hungover from alcohol, just from too much sleep.

There seems to be some sort of blah hanging in the air lately. I have a general life is good vibe going on, but yesterday I was just bored out of my mind at work. I am not sure how that indicates for the future, but it is wearing on my patience and such. Hopefully Sharon will know something definite in the next few days regarding transferring across town. A new locale will go a long way towards extending my patience even if it likely is just the same crap with new faces. But the new faces will at least be a diversion to my senses.

If there is no transfer, I am not sure how much longer I will stay with JCP. I might reconsider trying to get on with B and N where 20 hours is all that is required for insurance.

Belated happy birthday to Mickey!!

E's sister had her baby yesterday and we had the task of caring for her three year old overnight. We did our best to corrupt him by watching Thomas the train followed by Wild Thornberry's and then Jimmy Neutron. And then, of course, repeatedly watching all three movies as much as possible during the past 24 hours. Thomas the train won at about 6 viewings.

While watching movies last night, I made him some mac and cheese and let him eat in front of the tv, and then of course we just slugged around today eating nothing but graham crackers.

Baby Mickey made his appearance last night at 11:30, weighing in at 8lbs 12 ozs and he is, of course, just darling.

On a sour note, the asshole neighbors have some asshole house sitters who at 1:30 am after E went over to ask them to quiet down, called her a shrew and after she left were mocking her and her request and suggesting we just stay over here and lick twat.

I am really struggling with how to keep an equanimous mind and deal with cultivating compassion toward those fuckers.

Promiscuous With Negroes

I am really seriously letting that be the title of my memoirs when I finally get it together. I am thinking good old Papu might have inspired a catchy hook of a title with that one. If he is still living when it is published, I will have to be sure he gets an author's signed copy. I imagine the cover art will be that of his daughter, the one not a woman and not gay and not vociferous in her opinions.

Hah!

Had a nice day off yesterday. I went to WW and was plus .6, but it is my period, and after weighing in I discovered my keys and my cell phone in my pocket. Duh!

After that I went to see Traci to get my nails done. I think she is worried I will go ack to Vicki who has returned from maternity leave. I might see her again, but really either of them do a good job, and since Vicki has never done my pedicure, I would still see Traci for that.

After the mani, I came home to meet brother-in-law Joe for a haircut. He has not seen me for nearly two months, so it was time. We chitchatted about things and then he warily brought up the recent controversy with Paou. We had a good laugh about it and he was surprised that I was not furious and hurt by it all. I tried to explain all the reasons I am not and he told me he really admired how I can let stuff go like that. Buddhism, I replied.

My books arrived for the next class I am taking at b and n uni dot com. It is a memoir writing class through them from Gotham Writers' Workshop and is offered FREE. I am interested in doing other GWW classes online which are more intense and, umm, not FREE, so I thought it might be a nice intro to their method and seeing if it fits before I drop a few hundred clams.

E got home just as Joe was leaving and we talked a little further about Papu and about Joe's son Bobby who is three and behaving terribly. Melodramatic, that one is. Kathy, Joe's wife is about to pop out little Mickey any day now and will be induced on Tuesday if she does not pop over the weekend. Bobby knows something is up. It occurs to me he might have little use for his new brother. "Send him back!" is what I hear coming from his mouth.

We had to take E's son Thomas to driving school and then while he was there we went and had enchiladas for lunch. After we ate we went by the candle shop we like and picked up a few more Circle E candles. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

We dropped T off at his dad's and then came home for a while. At around 7 we went by the hospital to visit Paul who had a heart attack Saturday and, well, frankly is not doing well at all. It was sad.

From there we went to Meteor for Ladies happy hour and saw Beth, Irina, and Mimi, always fun.

We went to MoMong for mango spring rolls and also had crab claws and fried rice, and finally we went in search of the Industry Cafe to see Grupo Fantasma. Muy excellente!

Home around 1230 last night and here i was awake this morning at 7.

Time for some yoga and then off to work.

Is he for real??? (Yes, he is...)

I have been considering planting a new bed in the back yard. Currently I have just two small Bouganvilla (I know that is not spelled right, but spellcheck offers no alternative) and no other ideas for what to put in it. Do I dig out the entire bed I will want there eventually? Do I dig out just enough space for the two pots? Tomorrow morning I will know. I will wake up knowing and just do it.

Tomorrow I also have the privilege of dealing with a family haircut. In comparison to the final drama with Papu, I now welcome the brother-in-law with no reservation.

Yesterday, an email from Papu informed E that he is just too uncomfortable around me to deal with it. He loves her blahx3, but he just can no longer tolerate me because, oh, let's see. (Fair warning, Papu is a bitter, bigoted, racist, homophobe of an old man.)

I am a W O M A M. Which he says in a derogatory way because I have disagreeable feminist leanings. (Yes, his daughter is one, too.)

I am gay. Does he think his daughter is not? Yes, I think he actually does.

I am a Jew. He thinks there is a small group of Jews controlling the world and his conspiracy theory is something that really distresses him. He often says things disparaging, and it is always his daughter who alerts him and contradicts him, yet I *am* the Jew.

I have two black sons and have been "promiscuous with Negroes". First of all, when it is not about him, he does not pay attention. While I do have two sons, just one of them is black. Secondly, I was married to his father for 10 years which does not by any stretch of the imagination make me "promiscuous with Negroes".

Lastly, He said that I was too vociferous in all these faults/opinions and he just can't deal with it any longer. If I am to be included when he is invited somewhere, he will pass. Boofricketyhoo.

E was concerned that I would be upset about this email, but really, I find it somewhat amusing and I have a reaction more of pity for how pathetic Papu is. Her reaction is to be through with him and she replied just that to her siblings, all of them had been cc-ed on Papu's original email.

He lost the one person who tolerated him best.

There is to be a family gathering July 4 at her sister's house which E says we will not be going to. I reminded her that I am usually the one who cooks at these events. Hah! He lost the cook then, too!

Just another daydream

Not quite eleven, and I am pretty wide awake. I suppose it is rather early, but it seems as if it has been a long day. Really the long day will be tomorrow when I am working 8-7, knowing that for many it is a holiday. Time and a half just does not seem to mean a whole lot.

E and I are planning to go to the beach early next Saturday morning. I will do a little research and see if I can find a coffee house for us to lunch at. Or late breakfast at. I think I might push for us to go even if it rains. We can then explore the Strand or see what else we can uncover down there.

Last summer, I had the ambitious desire to find a way to rent one of the small cottages down there for a few weeks during the summer. I think it might be something doable for the off season, but I have yet to discover how much even that might be. It is fairly nice in April and it stays warm enough into October to make it feasable. I could trade my Wednesday iff for Monday or Friday to have 3 day weekends to go down, and even burn some vacation days to have 4 day mini retreats a few weeks in a row. Some advanced planning might just be in order and perhaps I can indulge in 05.

Take me out to the ballgame

Yesterday I went to Minute Maid Park and lost my Astro's cherry. It was an ok time, but I will consider heavily whether or not to accept future offers to go. E and her dad and her son and I went and we had her dad's corporate tickets. We stayed about four or five innings. I even wore an Astro's t-shirt for the occasion which I got deeply discounted at JCP.

Not much else going on to indicate it is a holiday weekend. The real holiday being tomorrow is a regular work day for me, 8 am to 7 pm. Ewww. Maybe I will have some fabulous lunch somewhere, but it is also regular for me to go to PF Chang's on Monday anyway. so no big deal. Unless of course E comes to join me. That would be nice.

We have a proposed family day at the sister-in-law's for July 4 when the brother-in-law is visiting for a week and I am thinking I might pass. Don't think my name will be mud, but I will meditate on it.

Strangeness

This morning I had a disturbing dream. E was masturbating at a party. There was a woman who hit on me and I rebuffed her rather vehemently. She new who my wife was and that she was present and that she had heavily consumed libations as had all in attendance. She proceeded to basically dare E to masturbate. E thought it was a private thing and she ended up having an audience. I was not at all put out with her, but I proceeded to murder the grrl who had manipulated the situation.

It was so disturbing to me that I was consciously going to shave my head this morning after my shower. It's a good thing that my clippers were at work.

I brought home all my fabulous pottery which I made over the last 5 weeks in class, and I think I will become a continuing student. At least for a couple of months. If anyone has an electric wheel to donate, please give me a ring.

Early Sunday evening. It has been a relaxing and lazy sort of weekend. Very enjoyable.

It began after work on Friday by going to Slick Willies to shoot some pool and listen to the juke box. We had a few beers there and then headed over to Cabo for some food. The shrimp tacos are pretty good.

After dinner we called on Beth and Irina and joined them, and Mimi in watching The Statement. Though rather slow, it was a decent flick. Somewhat heavy subject matter for a Friday night.

Saturday was a lazy morning with us leaving the house around noon for lunch at St Pete's before a 2:30 theatre time. We saw "A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum", or I should say we saw the first act. It was entertaining enough to stay for the second act, but one act of sitting still in the dark on a full stomach is usually all we can take.

On the way home from the theatre we had to detour due to construction on the ramps connecting I-10 to 610. During the detour, a white truck pulled over to the shoulder and the red truck in front of us braked (broke?) much harder than necessary causing us to brake. The car behind us was rubber necking the truck and then BAM!@*>$&, we were struck from behind. We are all just fine, but the muffler on E's car is scrunched.

The boy driving his Mom's green Ford Taurus station wagon called to see if we would work with the collision shop he is employed by rather than going through insurance and E has agreed as long as it is timely and she lays out no $$. We go Wednesday to the place to see what the deal is.

Today, we did the Sunday morning usual. E went to Lowes while I took Nola out for the breakfast run. We went first to Olde Towne Kolaches and picked uo two Ranchera Kolaches with ham. If I tuck the bag between the seat and the door, it is safe from Nola's sniffing and prodding.

Then we swung around to the Starbucks with the drive thru and got two iced venti 7 pump Chais and a New York Times. While collecting my $$, the grrl at the window asked if the pup could have a treat. I said yes and she produced a lid with a shot of whipped cream on it. Nola was liking it more than she had been liking riding in the car in the first place.

Lowes did not have what E wanted, so after we ate, we went over to Homo Depot. We needed some fencing solution for the side with the whacked out white trash lesbo neighbors (go figure) who basically refuse to repair their falling apart fence which allows Sawyer and Nola to go through on occasion requiring us to prop all sorts of things on our side to prevent this making us seem white trashy. The fence is on our property with consent to the previous owner, but as they have a pool, by law it is their responsibility. We asked them last year to repair or replace it to no response.

We got pickets to attach on our side to the existing framing and made sure they extend over the line of their existing pickets just enough to irritate them just a little. I think we will subsequently attach some lattice and vining to the top so we don'y have to see them at all.

While E did the fencing, I went back to Beth's to cut hair and then went looking for a couple of books which I did not find so I just bought them at half.com.

Alias season finale rounds out the weekend nicely this evening.

A new look to stave off gloom and doom

These dots might make me crazy, but I was feeling it time to redecorate. I suppose I could design one myself or ask E for some help with it, but it is not something that matters terribly much.

I think I will tweak this template a bit more and then go get my nails done before retiring to Brasil, the cafe not the country, with my laptop for a late morning snack.

General blah circulating this morning. Day two of getting up in the early morning amd walking the dog a mile. Hate it. But doesn't it make you just feel good? Umm, no.

Well, I accomplished everything I set out to do yesterday.My legs have had there quarterly shave, and I went to Lowes. Then I was off to the Galleria where I parked at the entrance which takes you in through Lord & Taylor. A mistake of course because there were two sweaters, a tank, and a shirt beckoning me near. There was much more I wanted to get and I showed great restraint.

While at the Fossil store for a wallet, I also picked up this. I have been needing a watch for work, and while I preferred a sleek and petite leather banded one, it was not as water resistant, which for work is a necessity. I might go back for that one soon, though. I also got a wallet like this in red.

While down in the Galleria area, I also went by Eatzi's where I had chicken and dumplings for lunch. I also brought a second helping home which I just had today for lunch. Roasted southwest pepper cream cheese and an olive oil boule(bread) were also in my bag. Tres yumm.

Today I have been cleaning the house room by room, and for the most part I am done. I have a little bit of surface cleaning yet to do, mainly my alter which has measurable dust on it, which really is a project in and of itself. I am trying to decide if I like it where it is because I want to hang a few things on the wall over it as part of it, and I want to be sure it is in a reasonably permanent location.

The other side project is to attack my library and neaten things up. I started Friday night with fiction and it is ordered, but still not prettied up.

Saturday morning and I'm home alone. E has gone to the yoga retreat and it just was not calling my name, so here I am, relaxing with the dogs. I think I might shave my legs today and then at some point go get a new tattoo. Or two.

Also on the agenda is the bank, Lowes, and the Fossil store at the Galleria. While at the Galleria, there is also a new tea store I need to scope out.

Have I been shopping too much lately? Perhaps. But not in a dollars-wise way. I think there has been some retail therapy going on, but I am not sure why. Of course, it could just be that I am becoming a grrlygrrl as I approach 40 this year. The signs are all there. I have nails again and I get them done every two weeks as well as get a pedicure. This alone isn't really cause for alarm.

In addition, I have become a purse whore of sorts. I have bought 6 new purses in the last month, and not less than 10 in the past 6 months. For the most part they are cute little bags that are too good a sale to pass up. My reasoning is infallible as the more purses I have to rotate through, the less wear each one will receive, making each an investment which will endure.

Then there is the shoes. While my selection is not over the top grrly, I have bought at least 6 pair already this year and there is an immediate plan for several pair more.

The retail therapy angle applies if it is miscarriage anniversary blues that are encroaching. May 22 marks the day, but I am not convinced this is the case. I have had a general blues malaise recently, but it seems more of a seasonal blah sort of transition.

Maybe I need to give Norah Jones a rest as I realized yesterday that listening to her latest CD makes me very sad. I love the music, but the sadness is definitely lingering much like it is lingering after yoga. I think I will ask Kathryn (my yogi) about this and see what she says.

I think there might be a cafe in my plans today as well.

Norah Jones is stuck in my head. Her song 'The Prettiest Thing' has a lyric that just keeps rolling around in my head.

"Lately I just haven't been myself at all, it's heavy on my mind"

I suppose this sums things up in about as much of a nutshell as there is and I just don't know if there is anything to be done about it or if doing nothing is what is called for and letting life just work itself out as I go along is the rule to live by.

Really this entire cd by Norah is a sort of catalyst for me in one way or another as more songs then not have me off in deep reflection.

So, blogger has a new design...not sure I like it, but you get what you pay for...

Yesterday I had the strangest dream. E and I were visiting Kathryn on vacation. Kathryn is our yogi and she lives here and we have not been to her house, but I am positive it was her we were visiting.

Each morning, I was awakened by kisses from Adrienne while E was lying there next to me propped up on her elbow watching. When we were talking about this at breakfast noone knew who Adrienne was or what I was talking about. It was as if I were not let in on the joke K and E shared.

I am on my way this morning to yoga and I think I will just ask Kathryn who Adrienne is.

What a week of nothingness. Work was slow, and my patience for that is waning. I went this morning to see a couple of cliets at their home and I had a moment to wonder if I am really doing something I *Want* to be doing with my days. I am not really sure what that means as I like doing hair, yes, it is the lack of steady busy-ness that plucks my last nerve.

There really is but one question. Do I want to commit to working enough to get a new car, or do I want to run the current car into the ground and become a housewife eventually with us having but one car. It really is a toss up.

We went last night to the Red Lion for fish and chips which was pretty decent. The cod fillets were huge and one serving was plenty for two to share. Then we went to Slick Willies for our routine Friday night of pool playing and we were able to monopolize the juke box fairly early on.

Today, E and her dad are trying to get the pipes changed out in the bathroom so that the shower project might find completion. Then I think we will head on over to Goode Company for some lunch and then home or elsewhere for some beer drinking. A flute player I know is playing tonight at Vinoteca so maybe we will venture there for a bit.

Blah...blah...blase...

kd lang with the Houston symphony last night...swoooon....

I could have done without the 45 minutes of the symphony opener, but it was smashingly fabulous and I wished it would go on longer. Listening to kd lang is like a drug, and I doubt that I will ever pass up a chance to see her live.

1000 Journals

I had heard about the1000 Journals project some time ago and was intrigued by the idea. In the current P&W magazine, there is a feature about it and I decided this is something I want to do with my blog family and anyone who wants to participate.

I will purchase a fabulous journal and make the first entry. I will then decide who to send it to from there, likely, anyone showing interest and letting me know they want to contribute. It can vere from my list, but I really hope it comes back to me. I will even offer postage to anyone needing it to send it on to the next person.

My hopeful list of participants includes in no particular order:

Rossi
Beth
Laurell
CJ
Chapin
Kristie
Alysha
Bookshop Belle
Happy Cynic
Solbeam
Suzie
Susan
wKen
(all my daily reads obviously!)
as well an anyone on DykeWrite who might be interested. Leave me a note in the comments section here, and then shoot me an email with your address if I don't have it already. I really want to see this project work!!

Second day guacamole from Pappasito's is zippadeedooda zippy!!

I have come to the conclusion, again, that I need to be much more focused about my writing if I am to take myself seriously. I need a good book about MS formatting. If anyone out there in the blobiverse has any recommendations, they would be greatly appreciated. I am off to see what classes might appeal at B + N .com.

I just don't (ever) feel like going to work anymore. That six months as a housewife has ruined me and I might just have to figure out how to regain that status.

Actually there is a psuedo-plan in the works. Once I am consistently making comission, I think I will take outside insurance so I don't need to maintain 35 hours a week. Less hours will also raise my comission, so it is a win/win. The trick is to decide how many hours to work. I am thinking 20-25 maybe, same days, just less each day or drop a day,that is the next question.

My mind is so often heavy with this particular discontent.

Viva Las Vegas!!

We left Wednesday afternoon for Vegas and had a whopping good time. The reason prompting my trip was that my friend Trisha was getting married. She picked us up at the airport Wednesday night and dropped us off at our hotel, the Westward Ho. What a dump it was. But, it was acheap dump, and all in all, not too bad. We gambled some and than shared a $1.49 3/4 pound chili cheese dog, which remarkably did not give either of us heartburn or indigestion.

We gambled a bit more and then went back to our rooom to test out the bed. yes, by more than just sleeping.

We did the hotel breakfast buffet which had a fresh egg station where Keith cooked us up some perfect over-medium eggs to cut up into our hash-browns.Keith is a skinny black man who can sing Motown *and* cook perfect eggs at the same time.

After breakfast we went out to catch the bus down the strip toward the finer casinos. We toured through the Bellagio where I won $76 on a Double Wild Cherry dollar slot. Woo!

The Bellagio is just so damn fine. Much more the atmosphere that E and I should be surrounded by. The pretty people stay there. The old retired mostly less than pretty people stay at the Ho. Of course that made us shining stars there...

Also we saw the Aladdin, as well as the Venetian. Both nice, but not as nice as the Belagio. (Since I am not sure if it is one L or two, I have used both spellings.) We went to the Aladdin because PF Chang's is there, and my friend Michael. an owner/manager at the Chang's I frequent from work gave me a $30 gift certificate for a lovely vacation dinner. We had the Shanghai dumplings, which are more like biscuits than traditional dumplings, as well as crab wontons and then we decided on a new entree, the appropriately-marked-spicy Mango Chicken. Too hot to taste all the flavors, but still not too hot to eat. I doubt we will order that again, but it was still a lovely meal. All that food plus two glasses of wine cost us just ten bucks and some change. I need to figure out which little souvenir I brought back will be for Michael.

The wedding was at the gazebo chapel at the Flamingo. It was a totally pleasant affair and E and I were Trisha's fluffers. If that wasn't an honor helping her get ready as she twittered around her suite in nothing but panties and deoderant. Her hair turned out lovely and her dress was beautiful. It was just a little ironic that the dykes were the ones helping her get ready. Perhaps there is a novel in there somewhere.

Yawn. More later.

What does it mean when you continually feel as if you are missing the obvious? I am not even quite sure that this is what I am indeed missing. But, I do feel like i am somehow coming up short. I have lately had more time to write, but it has not been at all productive. I suppose I have felt in need of a topic or assignment. Something to write *about* more or less. Maybe that means it is time for a class. Maybe that means it is time for something...

Something always seems to be lurking just beyond my mind's grasp. There has been plenty of thinking about writing. Just not much writing. At least I am not obsessing about it. It is what it is.

sunday morning and all is quiet in the house. There was quite a storm last night which completely flooded the front yard and street in less than an hour. This is a sucky thing because the yard man comes on Saturday morning and the driveway was so nice and clean. The up side of it all is that Alonzo will be back and will clean the drive again next Saturday. Even better, we leave on Wednesday for Vegas so we only need to look at the debris for a couple of days and whoosh! it will be gone when we return. Most of the water has receded and it was a healthy drink for all the planting we did last weekend.

We went on Friday night to shoot pool and I have discovered a new shot of choice. It is called a "red-headed slut" and it is equal parts yeager(sp?) and peach schnapps with a splash of cranberry juice...mmm...mmm...mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

I need to contemplate the importance of officially coming out to my folks. I can appreciate all the arguments for and against, and really there are none against other than my aunt saying they just do not need confirmation. We are planning an official party when we get hitched where families will be invited. E thinks my parents would be hurt to not be included and find out after the fact. I think too, that there is some underlying acknowledgement issue going on. I really believe my folks know, so it just seems odd to have to announce it to them because there is a small what if they don't know in the back of my mind.

I don't think that there will be even a ripple regardless of what they think about it as we are not an intimate family. I do think, however, that they should have the opportunity to buy us a gift. The question becomes do I tell them or just send them an invitation?

What a day yesterday was. It began with a dentist appointment with a new dentist to readhere a crown that came loose. It just couldn't be that easy. I have to go back next Tuesday for a temporary and on the 28th for the final. $700 is my share. And the dude is off for two weeks to where? France! Fucker...actually, the real fucker is my dentist whose office is closed this week for spring break. I might have been able to negotiate the fee lower since her original work did not hold up. So, now I have a new dentist.

Then, I went to Empire Cafe and worked on some writing for a couple of hours while I waited for E to get done work and join me for a late lunch. Always good food at Empire. We left there before 3 and the traffic on the ride home was so bad that I had to delay copying EP so we did not get it out last night. It will be available on Saturday.

I had told two households that I would do home cuts for them and was at one house at 5 and the next at 630. During that, Beth called and I told her yes we would be at lesbian happy hour, but that we would not get there til after 8. It was good to see some friends again.

While at the second house of cuts, My friend Lori told be about a performance at the Rhythm Room last night that she thought would be enjoyable. Bitch and Animalwere great fun and I strongly recommend you look toat their tour schedule to see if they will be in your area.

Home late.
Up late this morning.
Yoga sacrificed.
Nasty consequence.

I hate it when dreams are potentially shattered. It is just the most annoying thing. I did a little web seeking this morning and it is near impossible to get a work visa to work and live in France. This does not mean it can't happen, just that it will be more difficult and, sigh, might need some earnest planning. I hate it when things can't just *happen*.

This could present as the possibility that we are meant to live in a country other than France, but with easy access. Who knows. Just makes a goddess garden type business here more appealing. Of course, that still means a lot of *work*.

What a mood I was in at work the last two days. My patience was in shirt supply if not non-existent. I took my lunch break at 5 and went over to PF Chang's for a bowl of won ton soup. As usual, it was tres yummmm. My fortune cookie read "A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains."

The universe speaks.

i still have not a single clue about why that sadness chose that particular day to surface, but it seems rather manageable. I suppose it is distracting me a little, to be truthful, but it is at least not overwhelming. I really hate it when that happens and I have little choice but to shut down. That has not happened in a long time.


Books to organize.

Laundry to purge.

I shed some tears today. I am still not clear about exactly why, other than I felt a profound sadness. I was sitting in yoga class this morning as we were getting ready to begin our meditation and Kathryn brought up something in the news today which reinforced for her how she benefits from intentionally avoiding papers and tv news. This thought morphed into a remembrance of 9/11 and if I was following her, how a million other good things were happening on this planet and how sad that many of those other things went totally unnoticed.

One of those other things is my birthday. I had an overwhelming urge to just retreat into the bathroom and bawl. I was able to stave off the tears, mostly, with just a few trickling down my cheek. I sat through class thinking of how I feel forever 37, as if that was the last year 9/11 would be my birthday.

Profound sadness.

On the ride to work, I had a discussion in my head with myself reasoning back and forth over if I was forever 36, or forever 37. I am still not sure why 37 won, other than perhaps the fact of waking that morning knowing it was my birthday before tragedy altered this. I spent a good portion of the day at work trying to discern exactly what the sadness was directly connected to. When I thought about it for a few moments I would feel tears welling up once again, and then I would return to following my breath, inhaling "peace"...2...3...4...5...6...holding...exhaling "Iam"...2...3...4...5...6...

There is still some residual sadness lurking around.

I feel as if this is not an aging crisis as I am perfectly content in my life. Life is good. I am so very happy. All will be revealed as it is supposed to be.

I have some carrots sauteing on the stove with ginger and as I come around the corner into the library, with 80 board feet of cedar shelving, the aroma of cedar is both intoxicating and hevenly.

Yesterday, the back ordered shelf brakets were picked up at The Container Store, and we also went to Lowes to pick up the cedar plank for the shelves. Sometime today it will all be installed, and we will have 40 feet more of book shelves here in the library. That means I get to buy more books!!

It also means I will have to redesign the filing system and relocate books to their proper places. It's a virgo thing. I will have to do it. Plain and simple fact. I think the categories i have on my booklist will be sufficient, and the booklist will also get updated in the process. I think I hve neglected that the last two loads of books that have been assimilated.

Also on the agenda today is planting the myriad of bulbs I collected at Lowes last week. There are red calla lillies to sprinkle amidst the white ones we already have, a few varieties of day lillies, gladiolas, and a bunch others that were just colorful. Also picked up a couple of hydrangea.

Yesterday I repotted my pencil cactus and added a bunch of donkey's tail starter pieces I got from Gil. He told me you just break off a piece and stick it into the dirt and it will grow and hang over the edge of pots. I think I have near 100 experiments of this going on. Gil also gave me two new banana palms from the cluster of his which all produce fruit. We'll see.

My sunflowers are about 8 inches tall now and I will need to transplant them soon. I also got some green beans and carrots to attempt from seed. Last summer I did banana peppers and cherry tomatoes, so we are trying something different.

Also on the agenda today is laundry. And I think my altar needs a good dusting and cleaning. Might purge clothes, too.

As heard on my voice mail...

"Ms. Rothman, your glasses are in."

Woohoo! I have a pair of narrow black rectangles adorning my face this morning and I am so damn fine. Lesbian chic has arrived.

And I am surfing and listening to the oh-so-fabulous second cd from Norah Jones(again...and again...).

Swoon.

There is some energy shifting within me. I am somewhat bothered that I cannot determine whether it is a positive shift or not. I suppose I can only hope it is to be positive.

Driving home last night I had a feeling of such total loneliness. It washed over me in the weirdest way and tears were streaming down my face. I was not thinking of anything in particular, and as readily as it appeared, it also receded.

I am thinking that perhaps there is a connection to formally separating from my women's group. I think that I need to detox off that energy, but I also know it will just disipate on its own.

Then there is knowing I will see one of my best friends, Trisha, in just under a month. We will be going to Las Vegas for her wedding and I have not seen her in about six years. Thinking of it makes me miss her a lot.

Also, thinking about getting married in Boston in September has me dizzy in some respect. It is the ultimate combination of overwhelmed and alive. While there I will see my best friend Kim who I have not seen in five years. Seeing her is always a mixed bag because it is just never enough. Something inside me rips at saying good bye to her.

I need to focus on the good and all the upcoming events we have tickets for. Listening to Norah Jones is working, too.

So it is week two for the new Weight Watchers trials. I managed to stay even which is really a blessing as I managed also to rid the freezer of the last of those evil Girl Scout Cookies. I ate an entire box of the chocolate peanut butter patties after being very good at a ladies who brunch gathering. It is a new week and hopefully I will have some damn discipline and behave.

In addition to seeing kd lang May first, and then Melissa Etheridge May sixteenth, I think it is, I just scored a pair of tickets to see Sarah McLachlan July something or other. Woohoooooooooooo...

Sarah tickets definitely make up for potentially missing Sting and Annie Lennox, yes they are touring together OMIGOD!

Umm, yeah...I am guilty of ordering from both tonight as I was distracted by links to them when reading this info about how to marry in MA.

Plans need to be made pronto!!

How bout thisorder?

Placed yourorder yet?

Uh oh. Now I have done it. I just sent an email off to my women's group with an announcement that I am leaving and a few of the reasons why. I am feeling both sad about it and relieved. The relief is definitely the leading emotion, and I can almost feel it washing over me. Can't you just hear kd lang crooning "Wa-ash, wash me clean..."?

Perhaps now I will be able to resume a more active writing stance. I had not realized before this week as I was contemplating this decision, just how much this has (perhaps) impeded my writing for the past five months. I am feeling ready to get it together in some way. Organize with intent on seeking out a book deal. I have always fely that the Alex story has some sort of potential to be fulfilled, and perhaps a collection of my work is the angle to be pursued. No way to find out but to jump into the deep end, and I feel this happening almost as I type.

The weight of these decisions really caused me to over indulge today. I will have to be back on track, tomorrow being a new day. E and I have both recently recommitted to Weight Watchers, following the plan at home, not attending meetings, and we said if we were not consistently losing by the Vegas trip, we would rejoin and go weekly to the center. We weigh in each Monday morning and I was -5 this past Monday, so we are off to a good start.

So what else is going on...

Spring seems to be bringing on some concerts for us to attend. kd lang is May 1, Melissa Etheridge is May 16, there is some artsy thing we have tix for this month, Vegas is mid April...no tix yet for Sting and annie LEnnox whi are not here until September, but we are likely going to plan the honeymoon around that in case we can get a pair. Additionally, I think we might get our rings from good ole JCP this Friday. I am looking at a triangle cut Amethyst and a band of Opals, as well as doing some more looking on my lunch tomorrow.

We finally bought a new mattress set today as well and will be sleeping on it tomorrow night...yeehaw!!!

Tickets secured!!

Saturday morning. Odd for me to not have blogged for an entire week. I started back to yoga this week and had all ntentions of going this morning, but Melissa Etheridge tickets go on sale at 10 am, so I need to be home to do that. She is performing here at Numbers, a very small club, no seating, lots of beer...it is going to sell out quickly.

Beyond needing to get tickets, I generally feel like crap. Aunt Flo was just visiting, I have some extreme allergy sinus crud going on, and there is still some sort of residual funk energy hanging around. My boss told me yesterday at about I that I could go home because I looked like I felt. I stayed only because I had an eye doctor appointment after work on the way home. My new glasses will be available in 7-10 days. Woohoo...

Still feels like the verge of something happening...something grand.

Last night at Slick Willie's, our favorite pool hall located in Montrose, we were entertained forst by a table of baby dykes, next to us on one side, then by a couple of hootchie mamas on the other side.

The baby dykes, of course had to have at least one person in their group be 18 to even get a table, but there is no way that all of them were 18. I would guess most of them at about 15-17. True babies, really. They shot pool for less than an hour, likely having pooled their allowance to afford to do so. I can imagine the "Oh yeah, we go their all the time" stories they can now tell to the rest of their associates with a slim margin of legitimacy.

We watched as the six of them strolled out the door after paying and all got into a bright red firebird convertible, new model, likely belonging to the driver's mom or dad.

As soon as they left, the table of hootchie mamas and friends seemed to arrive. They were also quite young, but not really of a class to pull of the title of hootchie. short tight skirts, tight half shirts, heels of 3 inches perhaps, and bad weaves all around. The entourage of these two women seemed only partially interested, likely because the evening, for them, was still quite young.

While there, I purchased a 'RACK-EM' t-shirt where rack-em is type on a license plate which surely will ride across my...err...rack.

Wide awake. Oh yeah.

I was just chatting with my cousin Wes. It seems the Golden Girls, my mom, his mom and a third sister of theirs, might have a notion to pop on over to Tex-ass. They left NJ afew weeks ago on the way to FL for six or so weeks of relaxation in the sun. They are 58, 71, and 79 I think. No definite plan, just an idea and a Rand McNally. I certainly hope I get a call before they are on the way. I imagine they will swing west through Leesville, LA as their fourth sister lives there.

Wes also mentioned that they said something about Vegas. I just hope they do not get there before me and win all the money.

What a blog slacker I have been. Of course, there has not been too much going on. Really, there has been a lot going on, just nothing sensational and bloggish.

On Friday night we went toGoGirls and listened to one and a half of the 4 bands. We decided e much prefer the more acoustic performers, perhaps a nod to our old age...hah!

Then on Saturday afternoon we went to see Twelfth Night at the Alley. As it seems to be a pattern for us, we left at intermission having seen enough, but it really was quite enjoyable. before the show we had lunch at St Pete's...yummy colossal shrimp. I would link them but there site is just sorry.

Continuing the pattern, on Sunday evening we ent to see Gypsy Spirit at Jones Hall. It was sort of the Romanian Gypsy version of Riverdance. Singing, dancing, etc and the first act was enjoyable, but an hour was enough. Leaving got us home in time for The L Word. New must see tv.

Then of course followed two long work days and here I find myself having to decide between going to a cafe to write and going shopping. Shopping is winning at the moment.

Tuesday night I went to sleep with the beginning of a kink in my neck. Wednesday morning I awoke to it fully formed and restricting movement. I had to go in to work for a meeting and one of my coworkers did some massage on it which I hate as it is usually equally painful to me unless the person is very gentle, but I was in enough pain to allow it. Now it is still there and a little worse, plus my flesh feels bruised from the massage, though at the time it did help.

I probably should stay home today and rest, though there is really no rest to be had with this kink, and my sick days and benefits do not kick in until next week. Go figure.

The inside of my head
feels like the breath you take in Houston
as you step outside the air conditioned comfort
on a July afternoon
when it has been misty rainy
and it is 100 plus degrees
and 100%+ humidity.

I am not really groggy
don't really have a headache
not extremely tired
though I am still not sleeping well.

My mood is something less than cranky
not having directly snapped at someone since Friday last
when I told Gil to quit his damn whining
about his hemorrhoids
because that was something beyond too much information
and it was not very pleasant
to have to listen to.

I have been wearing my glasses lately
not my preferred contacts
because the inside of my head is where my eyes are.

My coworkers see me and ask what is wrong
because of a combination of some
or all
of the above.

The rim of darkness
is lurking
near.

I really dislike mornings. Not that this is any major revelation, I have never been much of a morning person, but lately, there has been an active dislike of them. Perhaps it is that I need some black currant tea to get moving. I will have to get some to see if that helps.

In part, I think there is more resentment because I have to go in on my day off for a salon meeting and I just do not want to. I will, of curse, and I will not even bitch about it because that is simply the kind of employee I am. Also, I really like my manager and she deserves my support in this matter. The salon meeting id followed by a trainers' meeting. Even if I decided to blow off the salon meeting, I really need to be at the trainers' meeting. Besides, I have procured a wicked prize to be drawn for from those present at the salon meeting. A $30 gift certificate for
PF Chang's. Just because I am the one who goes to get the prizes does not preclude me from being eligible.

Once the meetings are done, I will head into town to a cafe to sit and write. I had been going to Cafe Artiste, but last week I went to Brasil and I enjoyed the change of scenery. There is a braless counter grrl there with the smallest of titties. She seemed to be all nipple in her baby doll tee.

I also need to get a Hawaiian shirt. In April, E and I are going to a wedding in Las Vegas. One of my best friends is getting hitched for the second time. The invitation arrived Saturday, a Las Vegas postcard, and with it was a note which read "though not mandatory, it is requested you wear a Hawaiian shirt and khaki's."

Who can refuse such a request? At JCP we have just such a shirt, actually a couple such shirts, to choose from. There is a polo style in black, olive, or pink, and there is also a button down style. Both short sleeved. I cannot decide if E and I should get the same color/same style, or same color/different style, or different color/different style or if we should just have totally different shirts from different stores. How sugary sweet are we??

Oh, the reception will follow, brunch in the Jimmy Buffet Margaritaville restaurant downstairs, all of which is housed within the Flamingo Hilton.

I. Can't. Wait.

Busy day today. First a shower, then off to Old Towne Kolaches for a kolache (something of a no-brainer there), the a swing into Starbucks for a Chai Tea Latte, then the bank to cash a check, then to my women's group which commences precisely at 10.

Once I get home, our nephew will be here, Bobby just turned three, and we are meeting some friends at a restaurant they recommend for an afternoon desert extravaganza. Deserts only, no other foods need apply.

Last night we went to Chuy's for dinner and I had some delicious enchiladas and then we went on to Slick Willie's to shoot some pool. There was a dancing white boy who was a table or two away who was rather entertaining. As it turned out, we ended up at the bar cashing out at the same time, and I gave his startled young self an education on the word fuck. He actually though it likely that he ised the word more than I do.

Hah!!

Anyway, at one point he said something along the lines of clarifying that it is mainly used as a noun or adjective, and E said something funny to that clarifying that no, it takes every position, verb too. He said you mean like doing it, and I said absolutely, at our house, daily for a minimum. He knew at that point his battle was lost.

Another victory to queenmaxine!!!

What a dreary day it was today. In fact, yesterday was somewhat dreary too. Not much will rate after your girlfrind tells you she wants to fly you and a couple of friends to Boston to get married, and then take you on a honeymoon to London for a few days then chunnel over to Paris for a few days before returning to London to fly home. She must be in love.

I have been such a blog slacker. For valentine's I bought E a very small box of Godiva. Very. Small. and some moisturizer from Origins so she would not totally consume mine. We went to Cafe Artiste for breakfast, and then to Soundwaves where we bought the following CDs:

Ani diFranco Educated Guess
Edie Brickell Volcano
Norah Jones Feels Like Home
Steve Miller Band Greatest Hits 1974-78
Melissa Etheridge Lucky
and some other CD out in the car that is escaping me.

We then went to dinner with two other lesbo couples and one's daughter at Royal Japan. It is a new Japanese steakhouse and it was pretty good, 7 chicks sitting at the hibachigrille table. Our chef was George and he got the job done nicely with some flying flames and knives.

I had the Philadelphia roll and a scallop dinner. The scallop portion was pretty considerable and tres yummy. I think we might be going back sometime soon. And perhaps, I might go back sooner than soon for another seving of the Philadelphia roll. Liked it that much, yes I did.

So, yes. I did go to Cafe Artiste this morning and I sat there writing for nearly three hours. There was a new counter person and while he was friendly enough in his own way, he was also a somewhat self possessed sexist charmer. I could only think of how my oldest son seems to view himself as a charmer and something of a romeo, but in reality his sugar sweet charms are sexist and much too over the top to be considered genuine. Ok, cut the kid (my 19 year old) some slack, I agree as he is young. The cafe dude, however, was easily 35 or better, and had no such excuse. Of course I am glad, after witnessing him go outside to meet and pet some hot chick's dog then stick his hands in his pockets then return behind the counter all without stopping to wash his hands, that he is a counter person and not a kitchen person. Little difference and still unsanitary.

Anyway, I was there working away. I took a minute to sit and see if anything new was begging release, and when my food arrived and I still typed nothing, I decided to transcribe some Awakening notes I have been jotting down instead. Made me want to get it done and have some closure on the piece. Sometimes that is difficult when it is something I am writing more for myself or for a sense of documentation rather than for a deadline or something more tangible.

I left there near one and then went to my nail salon to get my nails redone. They look fabulous and feel very good. There is a new lightness to them as the acrylic is but a thin veneer overlaying my natural nails. Nothing at all bulky.

The weather is still rather dreary today, and there is not much else going on.

Ho.
Hum.

What a fabulous day it is to stay in bed and hibernate. Too bad I cannot do that. It is dreary, rainy bleh outside. Just the type of day to stay in bed or curl up on the couch and watch movies all day. I had to scoop poor little Nola out of bed and put her outside to do her business because she hates going out in the rain. I absolutely agree with her.

Of course, tomorrow if it is raining, I am still going out in the morning to the cafe to sit with my laptop. Hopefully iy will be productive. If not, it will still be pleasant me time.

I picked up a few more books last week. I went to the Half Price Books location out by my job. The store is excellently zoned so that books are where they are actually supposed to be. And in good order for the most part. I have learned that most of the lesbian books are funnelled to the Montrose (gay Houston) location, and usually it is the only one I go to anymore, but I did manage to pick up a couple of lesbian fiction titles, so I will check this one out on occasion. I have been reading a lot at work, going back and forth between lesbian fiction and something Buddhist, so I also found three Buddhist titles of interest to me.

I suppose it is time to get my ass in gear for work. I have to leave a bit early to stop at the post office to get a Valentine's package off to my son. M&Ms and more M&Ms.

Went to see Margaret Cho last night and she was so funny. Even more amusing at times was this group of men who can best be described as bubba or republican perhaps, who just were not amused. She was also very thin, and seemed taller that I thought she would be. I would estimate maybe a size 8. Perhapd even smaller if I am wrong about her height. I think she could have gone out to any number of bars in Houston and been unrecognized unless someone had been to her show.

Yesterday was a busy day. I was up and out of the house early having to do a house call for one of my clients. I was at their home at 930, Starbucks in hand. Then after than I went to lunch with my friend Lori and we sat and talked until about 3. After that I had planned a nap, but not taken one, Instead I went to the store to gather some groceries for dinner. I then cooked burgers and fries and some fresh spinach for E, and then we got ready to go to the show.

We were home about 1130 and it made for a long, filled day. I checked my email and went to sleep by midnight, and actually slept well, quite the anomaly these days.

Today I am going in to work 12-3 for one of my clients and then it will be over to B and I's for some pool shooting and haircuts for them. Then home by 7ish to snuggle in for Alias, which might not be on, and the L Word.

Tomorrow is back to work...blahx3.

I spoke to my dad yesterday and he told me my eldest got a tattoo, no surprise there, and wears dog chains, equally unsurprised. I already know of the nose piercing, and of course I know his mentality of goth boy wannabe. I have to say, I am really glad he is in upstate NY with his dad, and not here with me.

My mom then called in the early evening and she told me they were going to try to hook up with my youngest in VA this morning for breakfast. He is 13 and Mr. social on the weekends, so I told her if she can get a hold of him, all she needs to do is say the words "meet at Golden Corral for breakfast" and "bring your friend you are visiting" and he will be there in a flash. I told her, too, that even without the enticements he would want to see her, so hopefully she will get him on the phone. If not perhaps on her way back through she can give him more notice. She and 2 of her sisters are on the way to Florida for a few weeks.

E just took a picture to inspire a new painting, "naked girl on the bed with laptop and dog. It will be brilliant!!

Where do the days go? I realize there seems to be some sort of theme around that question, but I just posted what seems like yesterday, but was really Thursday, and here it is nearly Sunday. I just don't get it. I think that it might be time to let the purging begin.

I am feeling a major purge coming on. I cannot decide if I should just go room to room and start with the easy material crap, which seems the most logical course. Or, perhaps I should begin with purging thngs that are a time suck. I suppose refining my schedule was an important step, and where I like working just 4 days a week, and I like not working any weekend time (with the occasional Sunday exception for those clients on the AA list), I really detest the 11 hour Monday. It is a small sacrifice though to not work Sundays.

The next thing might be to get into a regular habit of cafe writing on Wednesday morninga, whenever morning might be in accordance with when I wake up. That is a definite me time thing and I think that rather than invite E to join me, I will let her know that it is what I am doing, and that if she would like to join me, she can call me as she is leaving work on Wednesdays to see where I am. As soon as the weather breaks a little, I might take to going to Galveston again on those days.

Another order of business is to get a small bedside lamp so I can relegate this humongous one to the garage. Just. Don't. Like it. It is an old lamp that was E's geandmother's or someone's, and it is not a bad lamp, but it is sitting here bedside and it is big and shadeless, so when I am awake and working late at night it is just a bit too much. We have a small clip on light out at the computer that clips onto the bookshelf behind it that I think might work in here so I might try it to see and then go to Ikea to get another one. I think it was only $9.99.

The weekend is already pretty full as I sort of overbooked myself a little. I have a home client Saturday morning at 9:30, if that was not crazy enough, I went and made a date with a friend for lunch at 12:30, and then E and I will be doing the Margaret Cho thing Saturday night at 9 at the Improv. Then on Sunday, I had told Band I that we would come over and shoot pool and cut hair around 12 or so, but I discovered today that I have a 12 o'clock client at work on Sunday, so I will do that then go to B and I's house around 4, maybe just cut their hair, maybe stay and shoot pool, depending on what else their day allows since I fucked up on the scheduling. Then of course, as it is Sunday I will be home before 8 pm so we can watch Alias and the L Word, the new must see tv.

That leaves little other run around time this weekend. If I am up early Sunday, perhaps breakfast somewhere, but perhaps that is just a tad ambitious.

Bookshelves need finishing.

Molding needs to be installed.

Bathroom needs finishing.

Bedroom needs refining and finishing.

Grouting needs doing.

We need to buy a new bed.

Closet needs painting.

Budget needs revising (sigh, again) as my unemployment runs out soon which will be like a huge pay cut. Ouch that's a big one.

All those things need to be purged off my to-do list...

No wonder I am getting lousy sleep.

Oh, and let us not forget I need to work out some sort of yoga schedule for myself as well as get back to walking my pooch daily as I was for so long, and getting some use of the bike I bought a few months back. At least E is using it so it was not a wasted $50.

Usually, I have great stretches of getting little sleep, an average 4-5 hours a night, which are broken up with a week here and there of 7 hours, then back to 4-5. It is a cycle I have been in for a couple of years, and I can say it works well enough for me. The sleep I get is good sleep and it is just my body's natural rhythm.

Lately, the sleep I do get, 4-5 hours, is really crappy.

ugh.

Last night I heard that Margaret Cho is going to be at a newly redone Improv just down the road a bit. We will be going on Saturday night to see her. Should be a pretty good show.

Seems to be a waning sense of purpose vibe going on around me lately. Nothing gloom and doom, just feeling a little sluggish on the path sort of thing. I have been cleaning like a maniac the last hour or so and that usually means something. Just not sure if it means anything today beyond being tired of looking at the dusty floors. Oh, the joys of beng carpet free.

Break time's over.

ps...went to see Japanese Story last night and I cannot wait for it to go to video. Most excellent story and it made both E and me cry. Support independent film and go see it!!

blah...blah...

blah...


I decided this morning that I would wait and return to yoga for the next session. Since xmas, it has been just one piddly thing after another preventing my return, so perhaps with the added time I can get a feel of having it all together. Certainly, this has been somewhat lacking lately.Maybe too, I can figure out why I have just been sleeping poorly.

Yes, the check is in the mail. This, regardless of the fact that the mean old post office lady told me no dogs allowed when I was there to mail my chapbook entry off. I took poor Nola (who was shaking terribly inside the post office with all the strangers anyway) out to the car and went back in solo to wait in line. "You really should have a no animals sign posted at the entrance," I told the mean old lady. "And really, she was not in the post office, she was *in* my arms."

Whatever.

woo-weeeeeeeeeeee

I just did a quick run through my tax form and see I am getting $523 back...I like it...add taxes in the mail to my tomorrow's to-do list.

Why is it that my best intentions this morning have been brushed aside? I was to be in yoga right now and was once again orevented from getting there. Does that mean I am to sit out this entire 6 week session? I think not!! Thursday...focus with me...I need to be in yoga Thursday morning!!

Last night I had to deal with having that damn worm on my laptop. I think I managed to remove it with the assistance of E going into the registry for me as that is something I will never be brave enough to do on my own. Let's just all keep our fingers crossed.

I have to focus on getting everything done for the O'hara chapbook competition which has a Feb 1 deadline(not Feb 28 as I was thinking). My goal is to get it into the mail tomorrow actually, so I guess that means no going to the cafe in the morning. I am going to take a copy to work and maaybe work on it today a little so the cafe might still happen. We will just have to see how it goes.

Today begins a new yoga session and since I have not gone but once in the last 5 weeks(what the hell is up with that, somebody please tell me), I am letting it be a new beginning. Time to get my ass into the shower.

I have a few clients I maintain on the side, 4 families, for the most part who have a monthly in-home visit from me, their own personal hair artist. Last night, one of them decided I needed a 25% raise. May that be the beginning of a trend that follows through all around. If only JCP would do the salary raise 25%. What a difference that would make!!

I added a few new links to my daily reads on the left. I found them through the dish link, from a link where Kristie takes over another site for the day. It is all part of her book promotional stuff, which I am happy to say, EP will somehow be a part of. We are publishing a piece of her work in the next issue and reviewing the book, too.

Not a whole lot else going on around here lately. Work is the same old crap, though I did tweak my schedule again so I will no longer have to work any Sundays. This means an 11 hour Monday, but it will be worth it to just be there 4 days a week.

There is some sort of minifunk rolling around, but nothing which is in any way prohibitive. Mostly I have not slept well in weeks and it is making me crabby and not wanting to go out much. Unfortunately it is right at a time when E wants to go out more, but we are working through that. I would like to see her actually going to events on her own when it is something she really wants to do, but that has not happened yet.

I think I might send the John Bologna piece to my writer's list for critique. Maybe.

I was just informed that if you google 'lesbian booklist' my booklist comes up first. I'm number one!! When I went to look at the list I saw that I am the only personal list. One other mention is from pentalk, a lesbian blogger who links my booklist. How cool is that?? All the other google responses are either glbt organizations or libraries or retail outlets or porn links.

I am number one!!!!

Sunday morning and I have to go to work today. Oh, how I hate that. I need to consider the idea of working Monday or Friday 8-7 whuch would eliminate the need to work Sunday to maintain the 35 hour requirement for benefits eligibility. I have one old client who I really like who I have to work Sunday for and she comes in abot once every two months. I know I could do that but I have to consider which day I want to be 11 hours. It would likely be better to do that at the beginning of the week rather than the end.

I wish I could go back to bed this morning.

My mother just informed me that the golden girls, that would be her and her sisters, ages 58, 71, and 79, are going to Florida for a few weeks...no real plans, just driving down to "Santa Marie Island on the west coast and finding a condo".

Go Mom!!

In further consideration of John Bologna, I realized that the previous entry, Jan 12, is somewhat mis-stated. I did not live next door when John lived in my ex's apartment. That said, the following is what I wrote about him yesterday at the cafe. I am not sure if it is finished or not, but it is what it is.


John Bologna


The only recollection I have as an adult of being truly lonely, was realized when I was dating John Bologna. John was an Olympic level power lifter turned bobsledder. For those not in the know, that means his arms did not hang gracefully at his side because his biceps were as big as, if not bigger than his thighs, and his chest was larger than his waist or hips or anywhere else. These two things being on the same plane made his shape that of an extremely exaggerated inverted pyramid. His breath would quicken any time he moved simply because he carried such an excess of upper body weight.

His naturally curly, somewhat thin hair with its receding hairline gave him the appearance of having a large forehead, and this brought to mind a comparison to neanderthal man, not one my friends or I ever shared with John, though it was so obvious, I cannot imagine he had never heard it. When he walked, his gait was very deliberate, a pace hard to synchronize my own with, but we rarely walked anywhere together so this was hardly a problem. He was also very nasal-voiced. I mean all the time, though thankfully not high pitched, just always sounding like he-with-the-pinched-off-nose.

This all makes him sound rather unattractive, but remember, he was a world class athlete, and for extra cash, he was a bouncer at the local hot spot which made him something of a catch back in the day. Also, if you haven’t figured it out by now, he had a big one, and he knew how to use and also that it was not always necessary to use it. He was multi-talented in the sack. He loved to eat pussy, quite literally for hours at a time, and fortunately for me, he frequently desired mine.

The obvious season for bobsledders is winter, but Lake Placid being a world class training facility town, the bobsledders are pretty much there year round. I met John at Mud Puddles when he started working there as a bouncer. I was part of a group of friends who went there regularly several nights a week, part of the locals crowd. By this point I had been going there for at least two or three years, and like Cheers, everybody knew my name.

I had to work on John for a few weeks, flirting on overdrive. I was in hyper-tease mode around him, and was trying to decide if I wanted to date him or not. He was at times, rather dull. This did little to influence me in either direction at the time. I had a propensity for athletes at the time, and that was the primary consideration. Bobsledders in particular, have such a finely sculpted physique, bulk where you want it for hanging on.

One night after about three weeks of rather suggestive conversation between us, I was telling John how I wanted him to sink back into his couch and get nice and comfortable while I hiked up my mini skirt to reveal my pantyless ass so I could straddle his lap and grind away riding him ‘til neither of us could move. At that, he finally leaned in and kissed me. I mean he really kissed me. That might have been the best kiss I had ever been given up until that point. It is certainly marked as the best kiss ever from a man. Our kissing went on long enough for him to pull me close, close enough for me to feel his hardening cock while he felt my ass to see if I was indeed pantyless. Of course, no false advertising, I was.

I went home with John that night, and as promised, pushed him back onto his couch and proceeded to fuck his brains out til dawn. His fucking, when he was on top, was very mechanical, like he was doing very purposeful push-ups. It was an uninspired technique, but his cock was so big, it was his way of maintaining enough control so as to not hurt me. Also, it kept his bulk from smothering me. I can’t fathom being able to breathe had his chest collapsed on top of me. This push-up technique led us to a pattern of me riding him or him eating my loveliness with little variation. Do what you do and like best and do it with vigor, that was an unspoken model for our relationship.

At dawn, John got up to take a shower and I dozed off for a few moments. Soon enough, John’s fresh, clean self was kneeling on the floor beside the couch raising my legs over his shoulders pulling my pussy to his mouth. I lay like that for at least an hour while John indulged in my wetness. It was during this time that I realized that John lived in my ex-boyfriend’s apartment, not just my ex, but my son’s father. This struck me as odd, and it was an inopportune time to laugh, but I was suddenly overcome with a fit of giggles. This only inspired John to double his efforts and soon enough he was drinking in the fruits of his labors and I was again not able to move.

John made me breakfast after this and we sat and discussed what we would be doing the rest of our days. He had a heavy training day and then work, and I had work and then dinner plans with my friends. John told me he would like to see me again and I agreed, so we made plans to hook up again the next day or so. It was equally definite and vague.

We went on like this for quite some time. I would go out with my friends, and quite often, I would go home with John. He was becoming something regular, but there was no talk of it being a relationship. We did nothing together beyond sex, and clearly our relationship was more of a convenient booty call. There was no sense of us being a couple. It was certainly a casual relationship, John had introduced me to the world of casual sex and he never mentioned disappointment, nor did he exhibit any signs of jealousy if I decided to see or go home with someone else.

I remember seeing him last on July 2nd, 1986. It was a Wednesday night and we left the club and walked around the corner to my apartment. He told me he did not want anything for himself that night, but he wanted to eat my pussy, inducing multiple orgasms to insure for me a good night’s sleep, and that he would then quietly let himself out. I was fine with this.

When I woke up Thursday morning, there was a note on the counter from John. He wanted me to come by on my way to work for a few minutes and said he had something to discuss with me. I allowed an extra hour and stopped by his place on my way to work. When John invited me in, I pushed him back onto the couch and climbed onto him straddling his lap and kissed him hard. He gently lifted me off and said really, all he wanted was to talk.

This did not really alert me to anything out of the ordinary because we often got together just for tea and biscuits, though not as often as just to fuck. John had a serious I-don’t-know-how-to-get-this-conversation-started look on his face. I told him flat out that if the sex was over, the sex was over, not really a big deal as he was easily enough replaced. He might even provide me a reference. I was joking to lighten the mood a little. No, that was not quite what was on his mind.
“Just say it,” I told him.

“Well,” he began with something of a stammer, “I still want to keep seeing you, but my girlfriend will be in town for the holiday weekend. She will be hanging around the club. She will be staying with me and would hear if you left any messages.” He was obviously referring to messages I had left him when I really wanted to fuck him and he was training or otherwise not at home. They were somewhat explicit, much like an erotica audio file.

You have a girlfriend. This was more of a statement than a question. I was letting it sink in. The obvious implication was that she was somehow more or better than me. I just did not like that.

“Why in seven months have you never mentioned her?”

His explanation was along the lines of not wanting to complicate things. It seemed to him we had a tacit agreement that ours was a casual relationship with no strings and that it seemed to be going well enough without complicating it with too much information.

I just got up to leave and when he asked if I would be keeping this confidence, my only response was that I just did not know. My general instinct was that my problem was not with her, and there was no cause to involve her as she did not live nearby, but I just did not know.

I went on to work, and made it clear that I was not feeling well. The office manager, Jan, was a friend of mine and she called around and found a replacement for me so I just worked about an hour. I walked home and replayed the conversation with John again and again. I suppose I was in shock to some degree, but I really did feel sick to my stomach. It wasn’t jealousy, that much was clear.

When I got home, I made sure the answering machine was on and I pulled closed the drapes. The darkness was instantly a comfort and I fell to the bed and began sobbing. Soon enough I was crying full out trying to rid my self of the awful way I felt. The only thing I could think might help would be to wash away the tears with a cold shower. I was curled up on the shower floor, water running icy cold, in the dark, when someone turned off the water. It was Jan, my friend from work, having used her emergency key because I did not answer the door when she was pounding away. She wanted to be sure I was okay, that I did not need to go to the doctor.

She found me my robe and put on some water for tea and then we sat and I related the whole story to her. I still did not really know what I was feeling, and after a moment, Jan labeled it for me. “Discarded,” she said simply in a soft voice. “And lonely.”

In an instant, that was it. I began to feel a little better almost immediately. Then I began to really consider loneliness. I felt lonely for a while after that. Casual sex became something rather empty and less sought after. Though I did not at all consider myself lesbian or bi, I had been in love with Jan for some time and this episode with John led eventually to things heating up with her, but that is a story for another day.

I am off to Cafe Artiste to write some more thoughts about John as mentioned in the last entry...wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

Recently something made me think of John Bologna. John was an olympic level power lifter turned bobsledder who I met whan I was 21 or 22. He lived in the apartment that mine looked into from the building next door. The apartment he lived in was previously inhabited by Duffer, my oldesr son's father who I was with for nearly three years, but who I had left when my son was just three months old. There was a certain irony to John living in the same apartment.

E and I were discussing being single and how life might be should circumstances lead us to a return to that. It was a what if conversation, and it was definitely more about the lesbian dating scene than about either of us having any designs on being single again. Somehow the discussion turned to how lonely it might be to find oneself single in one's 40s. It memtally took me in that instant to the only time I have truly felt lonely.

more later...

We went last night to a poetry reading/open mic event at Hollywood, a gay owned coffee house. Donna Garrett was the featured reader and she promised an evening of erotic poetry and she delivered rather nicely. I left with her chapbook and an email contact to do a feature on her for EP. I think we will review her book and meet up with her again for a pic and some interview questions as she has been doing this, my guess, for quite a while. She was very engaging and I am glad I went, though I should have known to be prepared to read some work. My friend Lori had let me know about the event in a quick email and it did not occur to me to read. We sat with Lori and a few of her friends so we also met a few other women.

After the reading at hollywood, we then went to get some food at MoMong. We ordered the crab claws, shrimp dumplings, and phu quac, all tres yummy. Having a good parking space there, we went across the street to shoot pool for a bit at Slick Willie's pool hall. They have recently done a remodel and we have to get a better feel for the 'new' place. It seems as if it might be a little more hetero than before, but I suppose I have to consider how long it has been since we have been there on a Friday night.

We shot pool from about 930 til near midnight and I think I drank 6 or 7 beers while we were there and also did a few shots. They were 2+ ounces each and tasted like lemonade, a combination of bourbon, peach schnapps and sour mix. I had two of those. Then my third shot was a raspberry kamikaze...

When we arrivedm the energy, as I mentioned, was very hetero. After about an hour or so, a table near us was occupied by 4 very butch dykes, at least 2 of whom were a couple. Once I had seen them, I got a little more aggressive in kissing E in an effort to run off the family playing to our left. Not that I really wanted to run them off, but I was looking for a shift in the energy of the place, which happened soon enough.

We had put a couple of dollars in the juke box soon after we arrived, and as it happened, the family to the left was ready to call it enough, and then our songs came on. We were then in the groove, of coursem the shots had all been consumed by this time.

As our songs ended, we decided to stop across the way at the lesbian mega bar. We entered through Chances, which is a local's type energy and got a beer there. Then we headed to the middle bar, The G Spot, formerly called The In Between. The music played there is often tweaked here and there to conform to the crown, and maybe they even offer a schedule of sorts. We just do not go often enough to know what will be playing when. Last night it was heavy duty house and we were just surveying the crown. I was surprised to see that Lori had turned up on her own. She joined us and we danced away the next hour or so shakin' some mighty fine ass if I do say so myself.

We left there before 2, perhaps not long before 2, but definitely before. Then it was home to allow E to fulfill her resolution aspirations.

Still hanging in there at the moment, having slept in a little, we went out to lunch at Dacapo, a lesbian owned( I think) cafe, and then it was over to Beth and Irina's for them to get their hair done and to shoot some pool.

E has gone to drop her son at the movies and I have dinner going, roasted mixed veggies and some tilapia...mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

What is up with my computer having difficulty finding blogger.com at 3 a.m.? At least it did eventually find it, I suppose.

We took the new EP to Meteor tonight for the Professional Women's Networking Happy Hour (read that as mostly upscal lesbian night at one of the more posh boy bars) and were pleasantly surprised to see our friends Beth, Irina, Mimi, Gayle, Pam, and two of our contributors Jenny and Cara, as well as a host of other lessssssssssssssbians. It was a treat to finally meet Cara as she has been a contributor for a while now.

I was awakened by Nola who might have had ideas about going outside until I opened the back door to rain...she did a prompt u-turn and went back to bed. Now here I am wide awake...fucker...

It was so nice to go to bed last night knowing I did not have to get up this morning for anything. So many days I feel like I have just too much to do by just having to get out of bed at a certain time for work, or yoga, or anything, really. My body really does best when I let it rise when it wants to. That was one of the luxuries of taking the 12-9 work schedule.

This week begins Monday and Friday as 8-4 hours. That might be a chore, but in the long run I can see it better to be home earlier those days. I just have to get into the flow of the schedule.

Oh, how I hate feeling like I have to get my shit together. Of course, I feel my shit is together for the most part, and I have some sinus crud issues currently, but in general I have been feeling smething less than focused.

I have been able to get stuff together for the new issue ofEmerald Pillows, but I have been less than inspired. E is instituting a redesign of the website so that has inspired me some, but I am feeling rather ambivalent about it all. I think it has mostly to do with not having unlimited free time to pursue it as I did when we started it. Still, it rolls along mostly effortlessly.

I am more ambivalent about my women's group. I am committed to seeing it through, yet I at times have to question my place there. At best I see it as something of a documentarian. I will have to be sure that is a word, I suppose, but it seems to capture what I feel my role is. I have been chronicleing my involvement with Hitaji and I will continue to do so. Could be it remains for my eyes only. Just not sure yet.

It is a new year and I really want to focus on new goals...I am just...not...there...yet...

"All is quiet, on New Year's Day..."

I have to work early this morning so I am up, having gone to bed around 10 or so. After Y2K, New Year's always seems so anticlimactic.

Dave and Buster's was fun yesterday, but they have retired a few of the games I liked, so there is really just one left to enjoy which is Chips Away. Oh, there is the derby, too. That was fun. I used some of my points and got a rice steamer and a couple of stuffed animals for Nola, as well as a cute grrl partly beaded purse.Maybe I will even take that to work today.It has an animated scene on it and then is hilighted with beads and sequins. They were a new item in prize redemption just put out yesterday so I was meant to have one.

Must get ready for work.