I wish I was certain about what the universe was saying.
I went to bed at about 11 and had every reason to be asleep right now. Rex is sleeping. Incredible orgasmic release. Thermostat at seventy degrees.
The ceiling fan over the bed, however, is broken. One of the blades broke a few days ago. This means that as the air cuts off, it immediately gets warm in the bedroom. In addition, it means that mosquitoes, any mosquito, can settle and bite. And bite. And bite.
Fuckers.
In the haze that accompanies being mosquito jacked, there was a lot f consciousness floating around behind my eyes. I was lying there feeling awake, only to find myself incredibly tired and blank now that I am sitting here at the keyboard.
I need a bedside notebook again. Tomorrow, umm later today, I will insure there is one in place.
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
TaDaaaaaa
May the bidding wars commence. I am actually quite satisfied with my finished retablo. It would be so nice to dine on the proceeds on vacation in San Francisco. Of course, there are no expectations of such, and I would be equally content to file it away with my previous retablos.
The terapy of creation is the reason for me to do them, especially this latest effort.
What else can we purge today?
The terapy of creation is the reason for me to do them, especially this latest effort.
What else can we purge today?
Monday, October 25, 2004
Ahhh...morning
Someone asked me yesterday how the sleep was going with Rex at night, if it was working out. Of course, I jinxed things saying it was going well and that we were on schedule again.
Last night, he was beyond restless. He was chewing excessively on a bone, which is a good thing to regulate some of that puppyt energy. We let all the dogs chew at bedtime because it seems to wear them down a little. Rex just kept at it endlessly.
Then, he was again barking at every sound he heard. I suppose we are still in an adjustment period. I remember when we got Nola. She did the same thing, barking at every noise, something Sawyer never did. Once Nola started barking at everysound during the night, it was as if this told Sawyer he was not doing his job well enough, so then he bagan barking too. I can't remember how long this went on before they chilled out about it.
The trio bark quite often since there is a warehouse district directly behind our back fence, and there are people in and out of there all night long. Last night in particular, Rex was quite agitated about this. I had a bit of a headache forming when I went to bed, so after an hour or so of listening to him chew, I decided to get up rather than fight it. Took some aleve. Worked a little online. Pulled out the futon in the living room. Where Rex promptly joined me and sacked out. Perhaps he thinks that the great room should be the master bedroom.
In other news, I should mention that the letter from Papu featured below was something that was not quite as difficult as it might seem. I am not really sure why this is, other than that on this Buddhist/spiritual path, I have come a ways, and I was able to sort of deflect this in a way that kept his shit his own.
E had absolutely no response to him. When he sent the email, he sent it to her work, something she asked him to not do, repeatedly. He also cc-ed her three siblings. She thought that rather than escalate things by screaming at someone who is never going to hear her, it would be best to have no response. She and I are the ones who went out with her dad in an effort to spend time with him and not let his life be solitary and lonely. Her only response was to email her siblings and say simply that she is done. Through. No more. There was no phone call on father's day, and no phone call on his birthday. I suppose the downside of this non action is that he really does not have a clue that anything is wrong.
It has been my policy to make every effort to have compassion and not judge. This is what has enabled me to sit with him for hours on end. Listening to the same BS over and over again. Wade through his bitterness.
When the email arrived, I decided to follow E's path. I was also done. We have discussed it at length and I have reminded her he is her father. If he were to call and need her, she would go to him. She knows she will speak with him again, but she does not care to spend further time with him. I agree with this, and have declared that our home is to remain a Papu-free zone. He is just not welcome here.
The part of the drama which really irritated me the most was in the followup email where he slammed me professionally stating he would no longer be seeing me for his haircuts, something I never asked him to do in the first place. In that email, as in the one below, he got most of the facts wrong, but I have let it go. I also put a "No Service" flag on his account at the salon so there will be no drama in the workplace.
Using the email for the artwork is my personal rebuttal to him in an effort to create/find/some beauty from his ugliness. The final pic should be up later today.
Last night, he was beyond restless. He was chewing excessively on a bone, which is a good thing to regulate some of that puppyt energy. We let all the dogs chew at bedtime because it seems to wear them down a little. Rex just kept at it endlessly.
Then, he was again barking at every sound he heard. I suppose we are still in an adjustment period. I remember when we got Nola. She did the same thing, barking at every noise, something Sawyer never did. Once Nola started barking at everysound during the night, it was as if this told Sawyer he was not doing his job well enough, so then he bagan barking too. I can't remember how long this went on before they chilled out about it.
The trio bark quite often since there is a warehouse district directly behind our back fence, and there are people in and out of there all night long. Last night in particular, Rex was quite agitated about this. I had a bit of a headache forming when I went to bed, so after an hour or so of listening to him chew, I decided to get up rather than fight it. Took some aleve. Worked a little online. Pulled out the futon in the living room. Where Rex promptly joined me and sacked out. Perhaps he thinks that the great room should be the master bedroom.
In other news, I should mention that the letter from Papu featured below was something that was not quite as difficult as it might seem. I am not really sure why this is, other than that on this Buddhist/spiritual path, I have come a ways, and I was able to sort of deflect this in a way that kept his shit his own.
E had absolutely no response to him. When he sent the email, he sent it to her work, something she asked him to not do, repeatedly. He also cc-ed her three siblings. She thought that rather than escalate things by screaming at someone who is never going to hear her, it would be best to have no response. She and I are the ones who went out with her dad in an effort to spend time with him and not let his life be solitary and lonely. Her only response was to email her siblings and say simply that she is done. Through. No more. There was no phone call on father's day, and no phone call on his birthday. I suppose the downside of this non action is that he really does not have a clue that anything is wrong.
It has been my policy to make every effort to have compassion and not judge. This is what has enabled me to sit with him for hours on end. Listening to the same BS over and over again. Wade through his bitterness.
When the email arrived, I decided to follow E's path. I was also done. We have discussed it at length and I have reminded her he is her father. If he were to call and need her, she would go to him. She knows she will speak with him again, but she does not care to spend further time with him. I agree with this, and have declared that our home is to remain a Papu-free zone. He is just not welcome here.
The part of the drama which really irritated me the most was in the followup email where he slammed me professionally stating he would no longer be seeing me for his haircuts, something I never asked him to do in the first place. In that email, as in the one below, he got most of the facts wrong, but I have let it go. I also put a "No Service" flag on his account at the salon so there will be no drama in the workplace.
Using the email for the artwork is my personal rebuttal to him in an effort to create/find/some beauty from his ugliness. The final pic should be up later today.
Friday, October 22, 2004
Thinly Veiled
Below is the photo of stage one of my retablo for the "Dia de los Muertos" show at the Lawndale
The text follows here and was an email from E's dad which resulted in a bit of a cool down between them. I say a bit of a cool down because E's response was silence and Papu thinks there is nothing wrong, even though his daughter has not had anything to do with him since the email, including no call on father's day or birthday, etc...
----- Original Message -----
From: "Jim Wxxxxxx"
To: "Betsy Wxxxxxx"
Sent: Monday, May 31, 2004 1:25 AM
Subject: I'm very, very, sorry
Hi Bets,
I'm sorry that I have to send this message. I really do care for youvery much and I enjoy your company immensely.
BUT,I have a real problem with Maxine - I am very uncomfortable around her.
She is:
1. Jewish
2. Female*
3. Gay*
4. Promiscuous with Negroes ( two black children)**
5. Very vociferous about all of the above.
I have opinions about all of these things. But, around Maxine, I am notable to express my opinions,***
I'm truly sorry, but I do have opinions of my own and I believe that I am entitled to those opinions.
I can not, unequivocally, accept Maxine's philosophy that all women were born with the right to make every decision in this world**** - regardless of it's merits. I can not ascribe toMaxine's philosophy that women (and blacks) are entitled to a ' freelunch' because they have been persecuted in the past.*****
To reiterate, I love you very much and I respect your option to see whomever you choose - BUT - Maxine makes me very uncomfortable. I have no problem with seeing you. But, if Maxine is part of the equation, I'll pass.
Again, I'm sorry,
Dad
P.S. I object very much to the way she was " fawning over you" at the ballpark yesterday. Rubbing your back and caressing you in public was very embarrassing to me. Your mother would have had a stroke had she seen that!******
Disclaimers
*’Bets" is also Female and Gay.
**I have only one black child.
***For several years, I have listened to him express his opinions.
****For THEMSELVES!
*****I believe I said that programs such as welfare are in place because some White men decided they were meritorious, and if such programs are available, good for women, or whoever is eligible, that have the sense to take advantage of such opportunities.
******I was rubbing her back and I think I had my hand on her thigh, a respectable distance away from her hoohoo. I happen to be of the opinion that her mother (GRHS) did see this, from her perch with the angels in heaven.
The text follows here and was an email from E's dad which resulted in a bit of a cool down between them. I say a bit of a cool down because E's response was silence and Papu thinks there is nothing wrong, even though his daughter has not had anything to do with him since the email, including no call on father's day or birthday, etc...
----- Original Message -----
From: "Jim Wxxxxxx"
To: "Betsy Wxxxxxx"
Sent: Monday, May 31, 2004 1:25 AM
Subject: I'm very, very, sorry
Hi Bets,
I'm sorry that I have to send this message. I really do care for youvery much and I enjoy your company immensely.
BUT,I have a real problem with Maxine - I am very uncomfortable around her.
She is:
1. Jewish
2. Female*
3. Gay*
4. Promiscuous with Negroes ( two black children)**
5. Very vociferous about all of the above.
I have opinions about all of these things. But, around Maxine, I am notable to express my opinions,***
I'm truly sorry, but I do have opinions of my own and I believe that I am entitled to those opinions.
I can not, unequivocally, accept Maxine's philosophy that all women were born with the right to make every decision in this world**** - regardless of it's merits. I can not ascribe toMaxine's philosophy that women (and blacks) are entitled to a ' freelunch' because they have been persecuted in the past.*****
To reiterate, I love you very much and I respect your option to see whomever you choose - BUT - Maxine makes me very uncomfortable. I have no problem with seeing you. But, if Maxine is part of the equation, I'll pass.
Again, I'm sorry,
Dad
P.S. I object very much to the way she was " fawning over you" at the ballpark yesterday. Rubbing your back and caressing you in public was very embarrassing to me. Your mother would have had a stroke had she seen that!******
Disclaimers
*’Bets" is also Female and Gay.
**I have only one black child.
***For several years, I have listened to him express his opinions.
****For THEMSELVES!
*****I believe I said that programs such as welfare are in place because some White men decided they were meritorious, and if such programs are available, good for women, or whoever is eligible, that have the sense to take advantage of such opportunities.
******I was rubbing her back and I think I had my hand on her thigh, a respectable distance away from her hoohoo. I happen to be of the opinion that her mother (GRHS) did see this, from her perch with the angels in heaven.
Monday, October 18, 2004
Rex meets the scissors...snip.
Lots of school busses on the road at 645 in the morning. There are also a lot of commuters. Why was I up and on the road at 645 AM?
Rex has an appointment today to get snipped. He is becoming less of a he. Snip. Neutered. We would be getting this done as responsible pet owners anyway, but we are also hoping there is a side benefit of less aggression from Sawyer. Sawyer is our resident alpha. Unless, of course E has to go alpha on him.
Really, the integration of Rex into our household has gone pretty well. The first few days, Sawyer was really pissed off. Nola was not so sure about a puppy four times her size, but she likes him well enough. As each day passes, Rex gains a little more ground with Sawyer. Sawyer's main issue is when Rex goes near the food dish. Rex has his own as he eats different food, but Rex is always hungry for more, so as he inches toward Sawyer and Nola's dish, Sawyer is usually close by and lets him have it.
The other issue is bones. Sawyer and Nola have always wanted the bone the other has, and only one would chew at a time, even if there are many bones laying around. Rex is less discriminate and will chew on any of the bones. preferring one that has been prechewed and is soft for his delicate puppy teeth. He really prefers the rope Booda bones which he found out in the yard. Sawyer and Nola have paid no attention to the Booda bones for at least two years. Of course, now that Rex has an interest in them, they are prime property.
Booda bones, when left to the weather and lawn mower for 2 years in the yard, are quite salvagable. E hosed them off, and then I ran them through the washer and dryer.
Double Oyclean.
Whammo.
Clean Booda bones.
Rex has an appointment today to get snipped. He is becoming less of a he. Snip. Neutered. We would be getting this done as responsible pet owners anyway, but we are also hoping there is a side benefit of less aggression from Sawyer. Sawyer is our resident alpha. Unless, of course E has to go alpha on him.
Really, the integration of Rex into our household has gone pretty well. The first few days, Sawyer was really pissed off. Nola was not so sure about a puppy four times her size, but she likes him well enough. As each day passes, Rex gains a little more ground with Sawyer. Sawyer's main issue is when Rex goes near the food dish. Rex has his own as he eats different food, but Rex is always hungry for more, so as he inches toward Sawyer and Nola's dish, Sawyer is usually close by and lets him have it.
The other issue is bones. Sawyer and Nola have always wanted the bone the other has, and only one would chew at a time, even if there are many bones laying around. Rex is less discriminate and will chew on any of the bones. preferring one that has been prechewed and is soft for his delicate puppy teeth. He really prefers the rope Booda bones which he found out in the yard. Sawyer and Nola have paid no attention to the Booda bones for at least two years. Of course, now that Rex has an interest in them, they are prime property.
Booda bones, when left to the weather and lawn mower for 2 years in the yard, are quite salvagable. E hosed them off, and then I ran them through the washer and dryer.
Double Oyclean.
Whammo.
Clean Booda bones.
Sunday, October 17, 2004
What happened to Saturday?
I have been a total yoga slacker this week. I went on Tuesday and Thursday, but that is all. I was going 4-5 classes a week, and this week only two, and my body really feels it.
Oh, the shame of it all.
I wish I could say it is because I am so busy with other stuff, but no, that's not quite it.
It was just a bit of a slugg week.Carried over to the weekend. May tomorrow bring something new.
Time to color my hair.
Oh, the shame of it all.
I wish I could say it is because I am so busy with other stuff, but no, that's not quite it.
It was just a bit of a slugg week.Carried over to the weekend. May tomorrow bring something new.
Time to color my hair.
Wednesday, October 13, 2004
Pre-alarm rising
The alarm went off this morning at 545 and I was already awake. There is something inherently off about that. Perhaps it is signaling a productive day. I hate that I am even going to work today, as most days, but today especially because it is E's birthday.
Happy Birthday, Baby!
Happy Birthday, Baby!
Monday, October 11, 2004
Time to meditate
What an odd feeling I have this morning. Not good or bad, not tired or rested, not restless. It is just undescribably odd.
I feel as if I have reached some decision about life, yet I can not quite wrap my mind around what, exactly, that is.
My mind has been on overload lately regarding what I want to *be* when I grow up. I have been feeling as if turning 40 means I have arrived, and it is time for some decisiveness. I would still love to pursue pottery classes, and currently I am considering becoming a certified yoga instructor. There is a small feeling of flake associated with both these things, but more present is a feeling of 'Yes! That's it!'.
There is also a new interest in becoming an Ayurvedic practitioner, but it is way too costly to do it without further investigation.
And of course, there is the wonder of should I pursue the path of getting an MFA in writing. The MFA is an advanced degree, so there are many classes on the road to that. It is somewhat daunting if I consider the enormity of it.
Ohmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
I feel as if I have reached some decision about life, yet I can not quite wrap my mind around what, exactly, that is.
My mind has been on overload lately regarding what I want to *be* when I grow up. I have been feeling as if turning 40 means I have arrived, and it is time for some decisiveness. I would still love to pursue pottery classes, and currently I am considering becoming a certified yoga instructor. There is a small feeling of flake associated with both these things, but more present is a feeling of 'Yes! That's it!'.
There is also a new interest in becoming an Ayurvedic practitioner, but it is way too costly to do it without further investigation.
And of course, there is the wonder of should I pursue the path of getting an MFA in writing. The MFA is an advanced degree, so there are many classes on the road to that. It is somewhat daunting if I consider the enormity of it.
Ohmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Sunday, October 10, 2004
Festival hangover
Chicken on a stick, followed by a funnel cake, cinnamon nuts, corn dogs, kettle corn, and of course, let's not forget a few beers along the way.
That was the menu yesterday on our adventure to the Scarecrow Festival.
Last night I went to bed and literally could not move. That was after a two hour nap in the afternoon upon our return home. Too many carbs, and popcorn is evil according to Ayurveda. I am not sure if it is evil all the time or just this time of year, but I ate a medium bag of it yesterday and my energy just went down the drain.
The festival was about an hour from here in a small town called Chappell Hill. They also host the Bluebonnet Festival in the spring, which I think we will likely skip. There were crafts and more crafts. And more crafts. And more crafts. The jewelry crafts were all very clunky, and the people, the thousands of country folk, were mostly less than attractive.
We did see a few lesbos here and there, but for the most part it was sort of hard to tell, like being in a mountain community where all the women wear flannel. There was a certain rural rough edge to the crowd, but yes, there were definitely sisters among the festival-goers.
I still feel like getting out and doing something today, but I really have no idea what that will be. I do need to be at JCP at 4 to pick up a gift for E's birthday, and I have to cut hair at 6 at a friend's house, but that leaves a good portion of the day.
Maybe I will head on over to Michael's to get some supplies to do my retablo. I had a vision for it during meditation at yoga last week and I need some ribbon and other grrly shimmery things.Woohoo.
That was the menu yesterday on our adventure to the Scarecrow Festival.
Last night I went to bed and literally could not move. That was after a two hour nap in the afternoon upon our return home. Too many carbs, and popcorn is evil according to Ayurveda. I am not sure if it is evil all the time or just this time of year, but I ate a medium bag of it yesterday and my energy just went down the drain.
The festival was about an hour from here in a small town called Chappell Hill. They also host the Bluebonnet Festival in the spring, which I think we will likely skip. There were crafts and more crafts. And more crafts. And more crafts. The jewelry crafts were all very clunky, and the people, the thousands of country folk, were mostly less than attractive.
We did see a few lesbos here and there, but for the most part it was sort of hard to tell, like being in a mountain community where all the women wear flannel. There was a certain rural rough edge to the crowd, but yes, there were definitely sisters among the festival-goers.
I still feel like getting out and doing something today, but I really have no idea what that will be. I do need to be at JCP at 4 to pick up a gift for E's birthday, and I have to cut hair at 6 at a friend's house, but that leaves a good portion of the day.
Maybe I will head on over to Michael's to get some supplies to do my retablo. I had a vision for it during meditation at yoga last week and I need some ribbon and other grrly shimmery things.Woohoo.
Saturday, October 09, 2004
Festival season
I woke up this morning feeling like slugging and ditching all the plans we have for the weekend. Rather than be a total slugg, I decided to ditch yoga this morning and sleep in a little, and then still go to the Scarecrow Festival in Chappell Hill.
Chappell Hill is about an hour from here on the way to Austin and we have been there several times to the Margaret Austin Center for retreats. I am having no expectations about the festival today, but I am harboring the hope that there will be a vendor hawking butterfly fies. I am not quite sure why I have been dreaming of them lately other than knowing it is festival season, and not knowing where to go for festivals here in TX.
Scarecrow Festival, don't let me down.
Chappell Hill is about an hour from here on the way to Austin and we have been there several times to the Margaret Austin Center for retreats. I am having no expectations about the festival today, but I am harboring the hope that there will be a vendor hawking butterfly fies. I am not quite sure why I have been dreaming of them lately other than knowing it is festival season, and not knowing where to go for festivals here in TX.
Scarecrow Festival, don't let me down.
Thursday, October 07, 2004
It can't be morning already.
Rex is on a backward schedule. Just because he was in his crate for a while last night while we went out, he was up wanting to play all night long. He is still a bit rambunctious right now this morning. At 1am I got up with him because I thought he might have to pee. Nope. He was just restless.
He was barking at every sound last night. Finally, I conked out for a few hours on the couch. At one point, maybe 3am, he went into the bedroom and Sawyer ripped him a new one. I think it was about 5am when I took him into the room because I wanted the bed. That was smooth enough with Sawyer because I told him as he was growling under his breath upon our entry that if he did not chill the fuck out, he was going to jail.
I am awake enough for the moment, and yoga will certainly wake me up more, but I am going to crash sometime before 9pm at work today. I see it coming already.
He was barking at every sound last night. Finally, I conked out for a few hours on the couch. At one point, maybe 3am, he went into the bedroom and Sawyer ripped him a new one. I think it was about 5am when I took him into the room because I wanted the bed. That was smooth enough with Sawyer because I told him as he was growling under his breath upon our entry that if he did not chill the fuck out, he was going to jail.
I am awake enough for the moment, and yoga will certainly wake me up more, but I am going to crash sometime before 9pm at work today. I see it coming already.
Monday, October 04, 2004
I think I like it
So, adding that pic of Rex was easy enough. I think I might just like this new technology. Their directions are rather vague. I think to E, they might be more intuitive, and granted, I figured it out in less than 10 minutes, but the directions would not be enough for my dad, and certainly not for my mom. I just think they should be clear. I think I will do a pic of the day until I have it down.
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