Tuesday, December 04, 2007

What is she teaching her children?

On Saturday morning, while doing a less than random act of kindness, I was the victim of a psychotic lunatic's road rage. It was animated in such a way as to have read the story, but have need to experience it first hand to believe it. Surely exaggeration played a part in the grandness of it all. Umm, No. This was so big, no patented queenmaxine exaggeration is needed. Really.

Saturday was the first of the month, and as it often does, it snuck up on me swiftly. Who makes their billing due date the first of the month? Discover. I've asked before for it to be changed and got a swift reply of "I'm sorry ma'am, that's just not possible. It's insane. Fortunately, you can pay your Discover bill at Sears and we happen to have one less than a mile away at the mall I had to go to anyway because I work there on Saturday morning.

It is the holiday season and I had planned to leave plenty of time for traffic and parking, as well as being prepared for lines at the register. On Saturday morning I also like to go by Starbucks to see Chef at work. He works at the second most convenient Starbucks (still within a 2.5 mile radius of home) and his store is particularly busy on Saturday morning. I left a little later than I had anticipated, but I knew the priority was Sears/Discover and if that was all I accomplished, even if it made me late for work, anything else would be gravy.

Apparently, last Saturday morning we were in the eye of the hurricane that is holiday shopping madness. I got to Sears and parked in the very first space by the door and the parking lot was relatively dead. It was 8:45 and I knew JCP opened at 7, so I was relatively sure Sears was open. I walked in and there were 4 men happily greeting me and offering assistance. I always go in through the Craftsman section because it is usually the quietest. I told them I just needed to make a payment. Upon closer scrutiny, I saw that the person assisting me, one of the 4, was actually a dyke. She was cautiously flirty.

I got back in my car and it was just 8:48. Starbucks is on the horizon. Between Starbucks and where I sat, and directly on the way is Shipley's Donuts. I have been extremely disciplined in the low glycemic way lately and truly, it has been pretty easy. I had no onclination toward a donut for myself. Zero. Really. None. Chef, however, likes their kolaches. I decided that if I could park when I got by Shipley's, kolaches were in his immediate future.

There was a space right in front, and still feeling eye of the hurricanish, there was oddly no traffic. This is a very busy place any morning, but on Saturday, there will be no hurrying.

I lie when I say there was no traffic. There was, far enough away that it posed no worry, one lone black SUV. Big, honking, IliveinMemorialandhave$$andyouareaninterloperbegone black SUV. Again, it was safely way far down the street.

I had my signal light on to turn left into the Shipley's parking lot. The parking lot drive area is u-shaped. I turned in and this crazy black SUV with its dark tinted windows came barreling toward me, horn blaring. As I was turning into the parking space, it was trying to cut me off having turned right into the out going end of the driveway. A second mre and it would have hit me. I cut my ignition to see it blocking me in from behind in my rear view mirror. The window rolls down, and there was a rather good looking(other than her disposion making her *so* unattractive) woman leaning across a 6 year old to look out the passenger side window. She was screaming something, and you know, momma didn't raise no fool. I stayed in my car and would have remained there until someone had escorted this psycho away. I had some knitting in my bag and could have settled in for a pleasant morning knit.

After about 2 minutes, She began to pull away and exit the entrance side of the driveway. As soon as I saw that she was not going to Shipley's, I got out of the car. At this time, she was on the front side of my car in the street, not between me and Shipley's any more. Her window was still down and she once again leaned over to shout out, and I quote, "Like you need another fucking donut!!"

There were also 2 small children in the back. The one in the front hadsunken as far as she could away into the seat. There was a man with a double stroller waiting by the door as I went to go in. "Was that a lady driving that car?"

"Ummm, No. I think not." He then offered to buy my donut for me. Wasn't that sweet? He was attractive, too. Very pleasant.

The irony of the entire situation, at least to me, is that I was not there buying anything for my fat ass. I was there getting kolaches to take my son at work. Oddly enough, the whole exchange didn't at all bother me except in that she was really setting a poor example for her children of how to treat people. What else are those children learning from her?

On another note, I saw my new doctor on Thursday and I liked him. It isn't often that I like a male doc right away, so I guess I really like him. We discussed my disease in very frank terms and he asked all the right questions. He called the nurse in so he could feel me up, checking various glands and palpating my intestines,all very benign. Then he said, "Okay Maxine, Drop your pants to mid thigh (they were just unbuttoned and ooched open at this point) and roll on your side, I need to see your bottom." To which I replied, "Dr M! On the first date?" "Don't worry dear (the glove snapped on), I have the lube right here..."


weese said...

ha! love the docs comment.

I am very proud of you for:
a) not having a donut
b) not killing that woman (only because we would miss you while you were incarcerated)

the only daughter said...

once again..ditto the wise weese.

Anonymous said...

what i like to do in those situations is hold up my phone and deliberately take a pic of the person (even tho I dont have a camera phone) It will drive her crazy all day wondering what you are planining to do with the pic!

SassyFemme said...

God that woman was such a psycho bitch! Love KL's idea!

Passing up Shipley's donuts is VERY hard to do... good for you!

Love your dr. conversation.