Recently something made me think of John Bologna. John was an olympic level power lifter turned bobsledder who I met whan I was 21 or 22. He lived in the apartment that mine looked into from the building next door. The apartment he lived in was previously inhabited by Duffer, my oldesr son's father who I was with for nearly three years, but who I had left when my son was just three months old. There was a certain irony to John living in the same apartment.

E and I were discussing being single and how life might be should circumstances lead us to a return to that. It was a what if conversation, and it was definitely more about the lesbian dating scene than about either of us having any designs on being single again. Somehow the discussion turned to how lonely it might be to find oneself single in one's 40s. It memtally took me in that instant to the only time I have truly felt lonely.

more later...